Last night I had entered into full zombie mode. This is because for the past week I've basically only slept for about 12 minutes, total. I feel like a workaholic right now, which is not at all glamorous, by the way. Fortunately what I've been experiencing with my job appears to be a relatively rare perfect storm of events and NOT the norm.
By the time yesterday evening approached, I decided that in order to be able to function and not scream at children in public places for innocuous but OBNOXIOUS behavior, I should definitely get one good night of sleep. So I wandered home and climbed into bed at about 9:30.
I had dozed off when I was violently awaken awoken awaked woken up twice up the barrel once down the sided by the sounds of my phone buzzing. It's disorienting to . . . get called out of sleep like that and when you're as tired as I was last night when I received this phone call, everything seems like a colossally big deal.
My Best Memory of the Phone Conversation I Had Last Night When I was Basically a Zombie
Eli: HELLO!?!? WHAT HAPPENED?!? WHO'S THERE?! WHAT HAPPENED?!
Daniel: Uh . . . Eli? It's me. Daniel.
Eli: OH MY GOSH! IS EVERYTHING OK?!
Daniel: Yes. I think so. Should something not be ok?
Eli: WHO GOT THE RABBITS OUT?! IS PAUL SIMON WITH YOU?!
Daniel: Eli? Did you develop Alzheimer's in the last four months?
Eli: AL? WHO? WHAT?!
Daniel: Actually there were signs of Alzheimer's prior to four months ago. It just seems to have advanced really drastically.
Eli: DID YOU REMEMBER TO TURN OFF THE STOVE AND THE WATER AND OH MY GOSH WHAT ABOUT THE STOVE?!
Daniel: Are you crying right now?
Eli: I'M VERY UPSET!
Daniel: Oh. Wait a minute. Did I wake you up? Is that what's happening here?
Eli: I think so.
Daniel: Eli. It's 9:45. I'm sorry I woke you up but I just want it on record that I did not call at an unreasonable time.
Eli: So you did turn off the stove?
Daniel: There's no stove.
Eli: THERE'S NO STOVE?! WHAT HAPPENED TO THE STOVE?!
Daniel: Ok. I'm sorry I woke you up. You should go back to sleep now. Assuming you haven't been asleep for this whole confusing conversation.
Eli: NO! You woke me up. What do you want?
Daniel: Nothing. I was just calling to say hi. But you seem to be turning from confused old man to irritable old man so I'm definitely going to insist that you just go back to sleep.
Eli: Ok. Fine. Tell Paul hello.
Daniel: Paul?
Eli: Paul Simon. DUH.
Daniel: Paul's not . . . ok. I'll tell him hello.
Eli: Maybe it's just because I'm tired. But this feels like the most confusing conversation we've ever had.
Daniel: Not even in the top ten, buddy.
~It Just Gets Stranger