Last week living-in-sin-Rebecca ABANDONED me for France. Here's the thing. I knew when she moved in with me that there was an expiration date on our cohabitation. She was going to move to France at the beginning of May to live a romantic comedy.

Rebecca is half French and she grew up between the U.S. and France. As a result, she has two native languages, which I would always forget until she whipped out her French on the phone with her mom and I suddenly felt like they were talking about me and how good my hair was looking that day.

Anyway, I was absolutely not pleased that Rebecca was leaving me last week. And I sort of thought, although her departure date was set weeks ago, that she would realize how much fun I am to live with and decide that living with Eli is 1,000 times better than living in Paris.

You guys. DOES PARIS SING MILEY CYRUS SONGS IN THE SHOWER AT 5:00 IN THE MORNING EVERY DAY?

On Rebecca's last night in the United States of God bless America, I had been waiting for her to come home from an evening of saying her goodbyes. It was late, so sometime after midnight I turned in to bed.

You guys. IT WAS A SCHOOL NIGHT.

I was sound asleep, minding my business, when I was suddenly awakened by the sound and feeling of an adult body landing flat onto my bed at 2:00 AM.

Eli: AHHHH!!!

Rebecca: Oh good. I'M GLAD YOU'RE STILL AWAKE!

Eli: What happened?! Was there a bomb?! Did someone set off a bomb?!

Rebecca: HAHAHA. Anyway, so I have ONE MILLION THINGS TO TELL YOU RIGHT NOW RIGHT THIS SECOND.

Eli: Rebecca. It is the witching hour. Don't you ever run out of things to say?

Rebecca spoke at one trillion words per minute for what I think may have been the next three hours. I don't know what she talked about. I don't know what I said in response. All I know is that a half-French woman WHO NEVER DID LEARN TO SHUT CUPBOARDS DURING HER ENTIRE TIME LIVING WITH ME shuffled around on my bed talking until the sun pierced the sky.

ON. A. SCHOOL. NIGHT.

Grumpily, I climbed out of bed when my alarm went off in the morning. I wandered into the kitchen, where I found Rebecca making an unnecessarily gluten-free breakfast.

Eli: When does your flight leave?

Rebecca: In a couple of hours.

Eli: Um . . . why is all of your crap still ALL over my apartment?

Rebecca: Huh? Do you want a smoothie? I'M MAKING A GLUTEN-FREE SMOOTHIE!

Eli: Rebecca. Remember when you told me you were going to leave the place better than when you found it? Remember the "without-a-trace" promise?

Rebecca: Oh. Of course! It will all be gone before I leave!

Eli: How? Your flight leaves in a couple of hours, you haven't packed, and you have large pieces of furniture still here.

Rebecca: Oh my gosh! Look! I just found another Easter egg! IN THE OVEN!

Eli: Oh. Great. So how many other fire hazards did you leave around the house for me?

I came home from work later that day. Rebecca and her suitcase were gone. Everything else was exactly how it was when I left home that morning.

There was a pile of earrings in the bathroom.

And I miss the Hell out of her.

~It Just Gets Stranger