First, a quick favor. Last summer I posted about a family I know, the father of which was diagnosed with terminal cancer last year. Dean is a three-time Ironman and a really great guy. He is trying to get into the Kona Ironman world championship race this year, a dream of his. Typically the way one gets into Kona is by completing an Ironman with a very competitive time. But Kona also reserves some spots each year for people with inspirational stories. Dean submitted a short video here and if you would hop on there for two seconds and vote for him, I promise to do a five minute interpretive dance for you the moment you're done.

K, I'll wait for you here by myself while you all go do that.

Da la da da la . . . 'cause I'm a genie in a bottle . . . the right way . . . don't go chasin' waterfalls, please stick to the rivers and the--

Oh! You're back! Thanks for doing that. I wasn't singing. That was probably the radio that you heard.

Ok, and now for my five minute interpretive dance:


Whew. That was hard work. What did you think about the part where I mimicked a tree that caught on fire during a snow storm? I knew it was a risky decision but I sort of just went for it last minute.

And now,

A Conversation About How Daniel is Actually an Aging Woman

Eli: Here. This package came for you toda---ARE YOU READING ANOTHER AGATHA CHRISTIE BOOK?!

Daniel: No. Mary Higgins Clark.

Eli: Wha . . . why?

Daniel: Oh my gosh it's so good. So there's this guy and everyone in town thinks he might be--

Eli: No. Stop. I don't want to get pulled into this. I'm just wondering why you decided to read it. Don't you think it's an . . . unusual choice?

Daniel: I saw it at the store and it looked really good.

Eli: Daniel. The back cover is just a giant picture of a woman in her 60s.

Daniel: That's Mary Higgens Clark.

Eli: But . . . what if people see you?


Eli: Are you telling me that sometimes you are a "manly man?"

Daniel: I do manly things! And what do you care anyway? You claim to be a feminist. You should be APPLAUDING my book choice.

Eli: My feminist views only go as far as supporting women and girls who choose to break out of the stereotypes and promoting equal treatment for them. It doesn't make me supportive of my man friends choosing to act like old ladies.

Daniel: Well look. If I start doing other things that seem questionable, you can judge me. For now, just let me have this book in peace. EVERYBODY GETS ONE THING THAT ONLY OLD LADIES TYPICALLY DO.

Eli: Fine. Anyway. Here's your package. It's from Amazon.

Daniel: Thank you.

Eli: Wait. Aren't you going to open it?

Daniel: Later.

Eli: Why wouldn't you open it right now? Aren't you excited?

Daniel: I don't want to open it now. I'm busy.

Eli: Hardly! Are you embarrassed to open it in front of me?

Daniel: It's a birthday present for you, ok! Are you happy now!?

Eli: Stop. It is not. Why are you embarrassed to open it in front of me?

Daniel: I'm not embarrassed!

Eli: Daniel. What's in the package?

Daniel: It's just a movie I ordered.

Eli: What movie?

Daniel: Saw IV.

Eli: I know it is not Saw IV. Open that package right now.

Daniel: Fine.

[Daniel opens the package]


Daniel: IT'S A CLASSIC!!!

Eli: You got Amazon to ship that all the way to the other side of the world?! You might as well have ordered . . . NOPE! AN AFFAIR TO REMEMBER IS THE WORST EXAMPLE POSSIBLE!

Daniel: Oh come on! It's not as bad a crocheting!


Daniel: Good point.

Eli: Well Daniel. How does it feel?

Daniel: How does what feel?

Eli: How does it feel to be the first 25 year old man in the history of the world to have experienced menopause?

Daniel: Hey, I put the "men" in menopause!

Eli: You should cross-stitch that into a pillow.

~It Just Gets Stranger