Monday, January 15, 2018

Pressure on the Barrel and Fullest House

Several of us from various parts of the country descended upon San Francisco at various times on Thursday.  We had planned to spend a weekend hanging out in the city and heading up north to Napa Valley.

Disney Prince Hair Brandt lives in San Francisco now despite my repeated efforts to talk him into moving back to Salt Lake City so I can finally have some competition around here [runs a greasy comb through hair].

Look. I've never really spent time in San Francisco. I don't know much about it. I have no business being there.

BUT, what I do know is that Danny Tanner raised Olsen Twins in one of those houses and so there was absolutely no way I was going to leave the city without finding it.

I told Skylar this. He and I both had some free time on Friday morning while everyone else was working, and so we ventured off together to find the Full House house.

Skylar could not have been less interested in this activity, and I'm 120% convinced that he was intentionally singing the wrong words to the wrong song all morning just to irritate me. (He was singing "Our house--in the middle of the street" but he wasn't even getting those words right and then he would break into the "everywhere you look!" part of the Full House song but instead he would sing "everywhere you go, everything you do" and this was wrong and it was unacceptable and I needed him to just stop AND WE SHOULD JUST TOTALLY STAB CAESAR.)

Tuesday, January 9, 2018

Four-Layered Caramel Cream Orange Zest Chocolate Mirror Glaze Cake

The Great British Baking Show is on Netflix and months ago Meg was like "you HAVE to watch it because it will change your life" and I ignored her for a while but finally one day in December Skylar, Matt, and I were sitting in front of the TV making a lot of our lives when suddenly Skylar pulled up the show and hit play.

I have never been interested in any kind of cooking show. Usually when someone starts cooking something on TV I immediately change the channel because there is nothing less interesting to me than watching someone on television prepare food.

BUT, the one quality I possess that is even stronger than my dislike for television shows having to do with food is laziness. So I didn't get up and leave.

And that's when I found out that, in fact, there is an exception to my typical rule.

For those unfamiliar, The Great British Baking Show is a program wherein a dozen adorable British people spend their weekends baking in a large and beautiful tent. Their bakes are judged by two judges, who I swear to you are named Mary Berry

Sunday, January 7, 2018

Sliced Bras

If the title to this post is clickbate for you, then PERVERT.

But for real, today we are releasing our first Strangerville episode of 2018 and we are doing things a little differently around here this year. I guess you could say this is sort of like THE YEAR OF NEW.

Nailed it.

Check out the episode at the bottom of this post and let me know what you think of the new format. It was sort of Meg's brainchild. And she was using her scary dragon voice when she suggested it and I always just go along with what she suggests when she's using her scary dragon voice. Her scary dragon voice is 120% of the reason why I helped her write this recap last week. And then someone somewhere on the Internet shared that recap and said that Meg Walter has started collaborating with her "husband" to write these things and then Meg sent me a screen shot of that post and was like "WE NEED TO FIX THIS I DON'T WANT ANYONE TO THINK I'M MARRIED TO YOU" which was a lot more offensive than she predicted.

Where was I? My brain is a little fried today thanks to a total cake-tastrophy that happened all. afternoon. Story on that to come later this week. Teaser: my family now has reason to stop talking about my 2013 Robitussin pie.

Wednesday, January 3, 2018

World War III

On New Year's day I went to Matt's house. Every year Matt invites some people over for a traditional southern New Year's Day "breakfast." I used quotes because, despite our best efforts, this never happens before 1:00 PM.

I'm not totally sure what Matt feeds us because every time I ask him to identify the food he responds in such a strong southern accent that parts of Salt Lake City are now considered the Bayou. But I do know it involves rice, some greens, black-eyed-peas, ham hocks, and a lot screaming at Ollie to stop jumping up onto the table.

As is usually the case when anything happens at Matt's house, there were more dogs than people.

Duncan is in heaven in these situations because Duncan has so much energy in his little body that he's actually radioactive so when he plays with any other dog, that dog gets sick of him real fast. When there are a gaggle of puppies around, however, Duncan can bounce around and wrestle with each dog until, one-by-one, they tap out for a rest.

Monday, January 1, 2018

The Year Of

When I was sitting in my office in the hot tropics with ants literally crawling on my feet in February of 2013, I started having a panic attack. It wasn't my first within the four moldy walls that surrounded my tiny space that had about twice the amount of furniture crammed into it than it should have had.

Me, in my office.

Thursday, December 28, 2017

2017


Last year when I wrote my post for 2016, things were pretty bad. I had sort of lost my mind for a minute there. All of the stresses of work and life came to a head at once, and they led to what I can only describe as a nervous breakdown.

So when 2017 started, I wasn't in a very good place. And it was kind of a bad time for me to not be in a very good place because I had a lot going on. I joke with friends that I ate my feelings during that time, which is actually pretty true.

Before I knew it, I had a puppy. But still the same old problems. I found out that even a puppy can't make all your problems go away. Sorry for the spoiler alert.

Tuesday, December 26, 2017

The Top Ten Most Viewed Stranger Posts of 2017

Wat?

One of my favorite Stranger traditions is looking back over the year to put together the Top Ten post.

2017 was a really really fun year at Stranger. To be honest, every year I think that this probably can't go on much longer. I think everyone is going to get bored at some point or the internet fad will die down or The Suzzzzzzz will finally organize our family reunion where we'll all die by Snuggie suffocation (Snuffocation?).

But every year you keep sticking around and helping make Stranger something fun and thoughtful and slightly evolving. This year we had so much fun with Strangerville and Strangerville Live. We laughed about essential oils. We got to know Meg a little better. We ogled over pictures of puppies.

Tuesday, December 19, 2017

The Most Embarrassing Thing That Has Ever Happened To Anyone Ever.

YOU GUYS.

OMG.

I still can't believe that what I'm about to tell you actually happened.

This is beyond an embarrassing moment. This is something where I legit think I might have to move.

TO CANADA.

Just the other day I was thinking about that terribly embarrassing experience I had last December at that movie theater late on a Friday night and I was like "I haven't done anything embarrassing for a while. Good job, Eli. You're growing up."

And then this morning happened.

It all started because I noticed that the "Check Battery" light had come on in my car. It's actually been happening a lot lately. Ever since I jumped Matt's vehicle when it wouldn't start last month and then I think his car gave my car a car STD.

Sunday, December 17, 2017

Silly Face Picture

Eli: Uh . . . Skylar?

Skylar: What?

Eli: Can you please explain to me what is happening here?

Skylar: What are you looking at?

Eli: A picture of the two of us from that party last night.

Skylar: What about it?

Eli: Well, someone just texted it to me. And I'm wondering what the hell is going on with you in this picture.

Skylar: Oh, I was very sweaty because it was hot and for some reason I had decided to wear a cable-knit sweater even though I knew it was going to be 100 degrees inside that apartment. I had also not been feeling very well and had a rash on my--

Thursday, December 14, 2017

Pictures from my Phone & Weekly Distractions

You'll be happy to know the Snuggie, of such fame as the Strangerhood of the Traveling Snuggie, has made it to half a dozen lucky wearers in multiple United States of God Bless America. I'm told only one person has died so far. You know those websites that show where Santa is on Christmas Eve so kids can track his progress? We should have one of those for the Strangerhood. Awesomesauciness, can you hurry and build that for us?

Also, because I told you this week I was sick and then all of you were like "DON'T GO TO WORK YOU SELFISH BASTARD YOU'RE GOING TO KILL EVERYONE" I decided not to go to work because I didn't want the guilt of killing everyone on my conscience. Then I donated five dollars to [charity that will appease you] to make up for having gone in early this week.

And now, your Pictures & Distractions:
Ollie makes a mean borsch.