Friday, October 26, 2007

The Pumpkin Massacre of '07

I realized that (shocker) I had no plans on Friday night when I came home but quickly planned to carve pumpkins with Kalli in our garage (the new cool pad). I went to Smiths to buy pumpkins and a Hispanic lady was in the checkout line in front of me. For some reason there was no bagger in this line so the lady had to take her two or three things she bought and place them in her cart herself because it would have been a really awkward reach for the cashier. As she walked away she said in a disturbingly beastly voice, "It would have been nice of you to place these bags in my cart for me!" To which the cashier wittingly replied "I'm sorry I'm not eight feet tall!"
Well the woman demanded to see his manager and as I walked out I heard her saying in a very dramatic voice, "I am not a walking joke!" It seemed like a genuine life crisis to me; someone obviously trying to get through a rather tragic experience from the third grade when she went the whole day with her dress tucked into her underwear in the back without realizing and never had friends again as long as she lived. I hope she survives.
So Kalli and I spent way too much time carving, which was a lot of fun. I actually started scooping the slop from the insides out with my hands and dropping big glops of it into my mouth, which is actually making me feel a bit queasy right now- something I'll surely pay for in the morning and all day at work tomorrow.

The real tragedy struck after the pumpkin carving was completed and I went into the house to put some things away while Kalli straightened up the garage. I returned to the garage to find a very traumatized Kalli, rushing around to pick up all the broken pieces from the pumpkins that had clearly just fallen to their deaths moments before I entered. She then screamed, "NO, DON'T LOOK!!" as if waiting a few more seconds before coming back out would have made the entire experience not happen. Kalli told me right after we picked up the pieces that she had planned on just hiding everything and trying to convince me that we hadn't carved pumpkins in the first place. This made me wonder if I come across as a giant ogre to most people, or someone who would royally freak out because of smashed pumpkins. My coworkers would most definitely agree with this.
The good news is the pumpkins were saved after some maintenance involving toothpicks and, quite innovatively, the world's tiniest stapler.


  1. You were very patient with me, and are most definitely not an ogre. I had a lot of fun! Thanks for the pumpkins, and for not freaking out. I like to think of the whole experience as a tribute to the "Smashing Pumpkins"

  2. Sorry. That last part was really lame. :)

  3. That was a great story. I laughed a lot... not that it takes much for me to laugh but this REALLY made me laugh. Your adventures/stories with Kalli are always hilarious.