Sunday, April 5, 2009

And So It Goes

Still alive and kickin'. By way of update, after a very dramatic several weeks and hundreds of desperate emails, it seems my housing in Moscow is worked out. More on that later . . .

As finals approach and deadlines for big decisions arrive, I'm finding that there aren't enough hours in the day. I try to cheat by multi-tasking every second. As I type now, I'm doing laundry, practicing my yoga, knitting sweaters for Siberians, teaching Cambodian to Colombians, and reading half a page out of Crime and Punishment which I started reading in June 2006 (I'm on pace to have it done November 2017). Well I wish I was that productive anyway.

Instead, my laundry is piling up, forcing me to wear my "I volunteer at headstart! What about you?" t-shirt, which is an absolute lie as I failed miserably to continue to attend just a few days after the program issued the clothing. My Sunday school lessons don't quite get planned by Sunday School. My books don't quite get read by class-time. And my friends and family don't quite get their phone calls returned in time for them to be relevant.

On Monday I got up early. Ate a Fiber One bar and an orange. Tried desperately to catch up on my reading before an early class. Didn't quite make it. Got a disappointing email; time to house-hunt in Moscow again. Got called on in class. Fudged through an answer. Went to Criminal Law. Learned about domestic abuse. Sent 10 emails to people on the other side of the world. Got out of Criminal Law. Tried desperately to catch up on my reading before afternoon classes. Didn't quite make it. Passed up on a Diet Coke on the way to Contracts (too many lately). Ate another orange and a sandwich. Learned about contracts. Got out of class. Went to Elements of the Law. Stared blankly for one hour and fifteen minutes. Got out of class. Bewildered. Found solace back at my carrel in a bag of Swedish Fish. An entire bag. Started reading. Then a meeting. Then more reading. Time for that Diet Coke; I made it until 5:00. Not so bad. Then another meeting. Group study. Arguments. Frantic struggle to find organization. More reading. Darn, it's 8:30; I was going to go workout at 7:00. The gym bag I packed last Thursday will stay in my car a little longer. More reading. Outlining. Trying to keep up with 147 of the smartest people I've ever known. Time to go home. Wondered if the grocery store was still open at 11:30. The thought of grocery shopping made me queasy. Decided not to check. Too bad as I think I ate my last two oranges. Read my scriptures. Checked my email. Nothing yet. Climbed into bed, trying not to think about the day. Sleep is necessary and the next one starts again in less than five hours. Four now; relax; need sleep. Now three. Fall asleep you idiot! A little panicking. Heart racing a bit. Finally fast asleep. Two hours later the alarm went off. Tuesday had begun. More of the same on Tuesday. Repeat on Wednesday. Repeat on Thursday but add a few hours at the bank (some of my last). Repeat. Repeat again on Saturday but subtract classes and add General Conference. Sunday; a day of rest, and now, blogging.

And tomorrow we start again. Thank heavens it isn't always like this.

Most days at school are a chain of frustration and discouragement. Feeling lost and behind. Often feeling a little dumb. And then every once in a while there are tiny break-throughs, which thankfully are just good enough and just often enough to make me absolutely love what I'm doing; frustration and all.

~It Just Gets Stranger


  1. Wow. I thought I was stressed and overwhelmed, but you just made me feel like I'm 5-years-old and skipping down the sidewalk with a chocolate ice cream cone and not a care in the world.

    Okay, sorry for the crappy analogy.

    Congrats on finally finding housing! I hope those people really come through, and that you will have a safe and comfortable place to stay.

    You amaze me with all of your hard work, and your ability to multi-task ;) I'm sure all of this will pay off with big rewards in the end. Seriously-- if you need anything at all (food, for example) PLEASE don't hesitate to ask. I am totally willing to help, and I know my workload is nothing compared to yours. So... don't be shy.

    Take care, and I hope this week proves better than the last! I would suggest you take a couple of sleeping pills, but on second thought... Lehi the camel might just be better off where he is :)

  2. This comment has been removed by the author.

  3. Oh Eli! :( wow! I'm exhausted just reading that! I'm sure you handle it all so well though. I would have already been taken to the psych ward!!!!! We need to get together before you leave - if you ever get a free second to breathe!

    P.S. What all do I need to pack for the "twins"for Moscow? Just let me know!

  4. Hang in there, 'this too shall pass' OK, not much comfort but I know it is so hard on the inside trying to look out. But, someday you'll be on the outside of law school looking back in. Hmm, better stop now I'm starting to sound like my parents or some other trusted 'old person'.

    Hope things all work out well for you. Reminds me a little bit of my college experience, although not quite as hectic.

    Here's another scenario for you: Ten years from now-- drop class and studying, add work for 8 to 10 hours a day. Drop meetings, add taking kids to soccer games, karate, and other crazy activities. Finally get a moment at midnight to yourself. Search for other jobs in case yours is cut and you can't provide for your family.

    So only the names and situations change, but life goes on. Yes it does only get stranger with the passing of time.

    Guess you just have to enjoy where you are at. Hmm, it's late, I should go to bed now. Fell asleep at my computer trying to write a thank-you note for an interview I had the other day.

  5. So I'm binge-reading through old posts, and on finding this one today, I NEED TO KNOW, ELI, did you finish Crime and Punishment??????? It's November of 2017 now, and by the schedule, you should have!


      i'm a failure