Tuesday, May 17, 2011

The End of the World

In case you hadn't heard yet, the world is ending on May 21st (this coming Saturday). See http://www.wecanknow.com/. These people mean business. When I tried to order a bumper sticker from them this afternoon, I was told that it's too late because "with our Lord's Return such a short time away, we are no longer offering free printed materials since there is not enough time remaining for us to effectively produce and distribute them." (And by the way, I would like to take this time to formally award wecanknow.com the "Tellin-it-like-it-is" award. Congratulations. May you join the short list of mind-speakers proudly).

When I saw this, I thought, maybe I should stop studying for the bar. I mean, I don't have that much to lose because they've given me a date that's close enough that I don't forfeit much if I alter my week plans in vein. Had they listed May 21st of next year as the date, it would be a trickier decision. On the one hand, if I stopped everything boring that I was doing and the world did in fact end when predicted, then I would have made out pretty well in that situation. Of course if I wasted the year and nothing happened after all, I would be pretty upset with someone.

But Saturday? I could blow some pretty miserable things off this week, because there's no sense in memorizing a bunch of stuff about criminal punishments if God is going to swoop down and take care of it all with his own form of due process just four days from now. If he doesn't show up, I can make up four days pretty quickly.

Other things you may want to consider blowing off this week:

1. Brushing your teeth
2. Exercise
3. Eating sushi just so your friends think you're cultured (it doesn't really have that effect anymore anyway).
4. Planning your summer family reunion (especially if you're ordering t-shirts (see wecanknow.com message above)).
5. Yard work (it may all get burned up on Saturday anyway)
6. Anything at your job that has a deadline post-May 21st (you're probably pretty safe to hold off for now)
7. Don't start Crime & Punishment. In my experience it will take more than six years to finish it (I did read 3 pages recently, in case you wanted an update on my progress. But it's going back on hold until after May 21st).
8. Calling any customer service line to get a problem resolved (especially if it's Dell or T-Mobile, in which case you may be on the phone until the judgment day no matter when it comes anyway).
9. Buying anything from Costco. You won't get through it in time and it will take you an hour to find what you're looking for.
10. Dieting. I mean, you probably don't want gluttony to be listed among your final acts, but there's really no point in starving yourself for the next four days if there will be no need to have a beach body this summer.

I only wish I had heard about this before my long run last Saturday where I actually attempted to drink out of a river because (surprise, surprise) I somehow forgot, again, that my body needs fluid when I exercise in the blazing sun for two hours at a time. Fortunately I stopped myself from river-drinking after noticing a dead animal half-way in the water just four feet up-stream (it was a May miracle).

Anything else anyone would like to hold off on until we're sure that there will be a next week?

On the bright side, if the world does end, at least that means that "Glee" won't return for a third season.

~It Just Gets Stranger


  1. Dead animals floating in random bodies of water have never stopped you before...

    A few things on my list:

    Laundry: pretty sure I have enough clean clothes to get me through 4 days...and if not I am sure I can make a really fashionable dress out of my snuggie and a belt.

    Taking out the garbage: it won't start to stink for about 3 days...maybe I can stretch it to 4...(same goes for washing dishes)

    Getting that oil change I've been puting off for 3 months...whats another 4 days?

  2. I would skip out on my physical therapy. Somehow the fact that my knees sound like I've got a pound of gravel in them when I move seems less pressing.

    Krishelle - you are awesome. I would love to see you Snuggie Dress.

  3. I vote for the snuggie dress no matter what happens. Do it Krishelle! (And post pictures!) If the world is really going to end on Saturday then I am off the hook for everything in life. Except, perhaps, repenting. I probably have 34 years worth of sins I need to take care of. Not any big ones. I haven't killed anyone (that I know of) or stolen anything (on purpose anyways) but I have a lot of sins of "omission" under my belt. Maybe if I read my scriptures for 4 days straight and have 4 Family Home Evenings in a row that would be a start. Wow, seems like I have quite a bit more to do in the next 4 days than I thought. My original plan was to just sit on the couch and eat bon-bons while watching smutty t.v. but thanks to you, Eli I have a new perspective. Better get busy now. See you in (I was going to say Heaven, but I'm probably going straight to hell)...see you in 4 days if we end up in the same place.

  4. I wasn't raptured, looks like I will have to start getting to work on my yard...darn!