Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Yahoo! Answers

Today I decided to create a couple of Yahoo! accounts (qofcolors and janesnuggies) to go onto Yahoo! Answers and ask ridiculous questions to irritate people (how did I become this person?). What happened was very entertaining, especially the cat related questions. Below is a sampling of my results. More to come:

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Question 1: How can I alter my Snuggie to make it more fashionable?  I really enjoy the Snuggie for comfort but there seems to be some social stigma about wearing it in public. I'm just wondering whether anyone has any ideas for making it a little more stylish. PLEASE HELP!


1) I would never wear my snuggie out in public, its an invitation for public humiliation. Keep cozy at home and buy a jacket for the outdoors.  Brianna~

2) It's not possible . . . Leave the Snuggie at home and wear a coat outside. Winona~

3) Buy a bedazzler, should be on the as seen on tv shelf right next to the Snuggies. Then you can put ugly fake rhinestones on your ugly Snuggie. Ian~

4) Maybe get a cool designed one and cut and hem to about waist length, and make it instead of having no back to it make it have a back part, (if u understand me) and if you could, make the sleeves a bit smaller, (I realize their really wide) and roll the sleeves about an inch up and it looks pretty fashionable! (well in my head it does lol). Shelby~

5) Impossible. Allison~

6) You can't and never will be able to! Chris~

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Question 2: Tips on swimming from L.A. to Hawaii? I've completed my first half marathon and I'm looking for a new challenge. I'm thinking about attempting to swim from L.A. area to Hawaii this summer. I've never been much of a swimmer so I don't really know what it will take. Does anyone know how much time it should take me or know what kind of bathing suit I should buy? HELP!!?!?!?!?!

1) Buy a chainmail swimsuit to fend off shark bites. Joe~

2) Why don't you try something easier like swimming to the moon. I know it is farther but, you'd be swimming through space where there is not the resistance created by the water and it makes swimming much easier. OR ... stop being so stupid. Academic~

3) The distance from Los Angeles to Honolulu is 4114.57 kilometres (2556.68 miles). Assuming the whole entire displacement is in a water medium, at a 2:00 per 100m pace it would take approximately 57 days, 3.5 hours of nonstop swimming. Apart from my complete entertainment in calculating this, your question was completely ridiculous. Eli~

4) Okay, unless you want to drown of starvation, blood loss, or suffocation, I would highly recommend watching the London Olympics at home while eating popcorn instead of passing out 10 miles off the shore of Los Angeles. The longest distance ever swum was 3736 mi from Cape Cod to France. Good luck being eaten. Btime~

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Question 3: What are the best ways to put a cat down at home? My cat has been sleeping more than usual and I'm pretty sure she must be sick. I'm just wondering what the most humane way is to put her down without having to leave the house. HELP?!?!?!

1) Microwave. Robert~

2) Take her to the vet! You don't even know if she is sick! There is no humane way to put her down at home. Only the vets lethal injection is humane. I can't believe you want to kill your cat because it sleeps a lot. That's what cats do! Kittycat~

3) Any small bullet to the back of the head. Extra Stuff~

4) Take her to the vet immediately. This cat does not deserve to be put down for a non-vertrinary skilled human being self-diagnosing her. This question appalls me. Lindsay~

5) What sort of idiot psychopath are you?? GET HER DIAGNOSED FIRST. I hope you are trolling, I really do. Brendan~

6) You've got to be kidding! Cats sleep a lot, which is just their nature. Sometimes, we adults, sleep more than usual, because our bodies let us know they need more sleep. If your cat was truly sick, as you seemed to think, there would be other signs that she is. Would you assume your parents, grandparents, or your child was sick, just because they were sleeping alot & ask how to put them down? I have a two year old cat & she sleeps a lot, but that doesn't mean she's sick & needs to be put down. Do you feed her daily, give her fresh water twice a day, keep her litter box cleaned out, & spend time talking to her & playing with her? Do you give her treats & tell her she's a pretty/good girl daily? Cats need to bond with their owners & when the owners don't let that happen, cats can read their owners like a book. I suggest you find a really good home for your cat, because you are a lousy cat owner. How sad! Call the vet & have your questions answered. I can't wait for you to ask him how you can put your cat down, without leaving home. I wouldn't want to be you when you ask that question. Short~

7) Take her to the vet. You wouldn't want to put down a small child if they were sleeping alot would you? Eden~

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Question 4: Should I separate my chicken and cat? My chicken and my cat have been sharing the same sleeping space while we are remodeling the cat's room. They have been fighting non-stop but I'm wondering whether separating them will only tell them that it's ok to fight each other. Also, I'm worried about the chicken getting pregnant (the cat is male). Is that even possible?!?!?!?!

1) Worry more about the cat having live/dead chicken for supper. The cat WILL kill the chicken soon. Oc~

2) Chickens and cats don't go well together and obviously your chicken is frightened. And a chicken cannot get pregnant as it lays eggs and cats are mammals so their systems work differently.Toffee~

3) No, that is not remotely possible and neither cats or chickens will learn a bad lesson from being separated. They are not meant to live together. go watch a tweety bird cartoon. Wayne~

4) No, that is not possible because first of all chickens don't get pregnant, they lay eggs, and that can't happen because the chicken is a bird and the cat is a mammal. Chickens are generally happier outside. Buy a chicken coop. Good luck. Murk~

5) They should definitely be separated. It must be causing them huge stress. Secondly, cats and chickens cannot mate. Animals can only mate with their species and the other animals very, VERY similar to them. (example: lion an a tiger) Even if they could mate- you should have your cat neutered anyways. If you're wondering why he's spraying all over your home- that is why. There are organizations that can help you neuter him for an extremely low fee. Also, animal shelters often have events for very inexpensive spay/neuter. Shelby~

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Question 5: Do I spend my time with my cat or my kid? My cat seems to be really upset about the amount of attention I've been giving my kid since I've started home schooling him. I hate seeing her feel so left out. I'm thinking about sending him back to public school, even though his school is a bit dangerous. I don't want to have to choose one over the other, but I have had my cat longer and it only seems fair. Right????

1) It depends. What kind of cat is it? Punk~

2) Umm, no. I mean if you send your child to public school do it for a good reason not because your cat feels left out. All you have to do is spend 10 minutes a day with your cat and let her sleep with you. Don't sacrifice your child's education for a cat. Cool Cruiser~

3) Its a no brainer you ALWAYS put your children first, could you imagine what your son will think years later finding out he went to a dangerous school so your car wouldnt feel bad? seriously I love my dogs with all my heart but my child would NEVER be put in a dangerous situation so they wouldnt feel bad, get another cat to keep that one company or give it to someone who can spend more time with it if its affecting it that bad. Im not trying to be mean or rude but seriously child first. Hope~

4) Honestly when I read this question I thought it was a joke. Put your cat outside and let him go do some cat stuff like chasing mice and rabbits, and spend time with your kid. Anyway think of it this way, if your cat and your kid were both about to drown to death which one would you save? This is a lot more severe but really by spending more time with your cat than your child is putting an animal in front of a human being on your priorities list. Flint~

5) Always put kids first, but you can still pay attention to your cat. school is the best thing for a kid so i would send the kid back to school but pay attention to both, kids are much more emotional than cats. Jack~

6) You can try involving your cat in home school it can make learning fun and your cat will feel less lonely. Catie~

7) Are you stupid? PLEASE tell me this question is supposed to be a joke. Your cat doesn't feel bad just because you don't spend the whole day with it. Cats naturally like to be alone and like their space. As long as you feed her, and let her sleep next to you, she will be happy. "The cat was there first"? What is that supposed to mean. If you think your cat needs so much attention that you have to send your child to a dangerous school, why do you have a kid in the first place? I doubt the cat even cares if you are homeschooling your kid or not, but obviously she is more important to you. Wow. Rose~

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Question 6: How do I hide the number of cats I have from my neighbors? I currently have 20-22 cats in my house and there are a few I would like to take in that I've seen nearby (I can't help myself when I see cats out roaming the neighborhood. Everyone needs a home). I'm worried that my neighbors will complain if they find out how many I have, not that it's any of their business. Additionally, I'm worried that some of my neighbors might claim that I've taken one of their cats that they let out. HELP!

1) I think it would be in your best interest to let those cats go.I know that you are trying to help but it will come to a psychological disorder. Sienna~

2) I agree with that other person you its called animal hoarding and its a very bad habit that can ruin your life. Trust me put those cats at an shelter or call a animal shelter. Some people have atleast 80-100 cats living at their home if their hard core but your still in the light phase put thoes cats at an animal shelter and youlll be good. You can keep atleast 2 or 3. John~

3) hoarder............ probably illegal im sure......incredibly unsanitary....and im sure they are not getting regular check ups vaccinations etc. i hope the neighbors report you so the cats can find homes and people to care for them properly. Yeeyah~

4) I think your best interest is to find some of them homes. I'm not here to judge- I understand where you come from, these Cat's do all need homes. But what they really truly deserve is a home where they can get the one on one attention they deserve. With 20 + Cat's, there aren't enough hours in the day for them to get the care and attention that they need to stay happy and healthy. I hope you do the right thing- you are a good person for giving them a home and you'd be an even better person if you found them a home where they can get everything they deserve. Shelby~

5) How would they find out? Do they visit you often? They won't find out how many cats you have unless the cats make a lot of noise. In that case, you can't do anything, but give up some of the cats. That is WAY to many and it might not even be allowed where you live. Instead of keeping all the cats you find, why don't you try to find them good homes and only keep a few of them. Yes, they do need homes, but it's way to much work and they probably aren't getting the attention they need. what do you mean "20-22". If you don't know how many cats you have, then that's already too many. I think 6 or 7 cats is a limit. Rose~

6) You have a problem. You need a mental health treatment. Strike~

7) [A VERY long explanation of Hawaii's animal hoarding laws].


~It Just Gets Stranger


51 comments:

  1. It's sad that people have no sense of humor.

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  2. It's sad that society's gotten to the point that people would believe these are legitimate questions.

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  3. I hate you Eli. I couldn't stop laughing til I got to the last question and then everyone was so heart-felt and sincere and caring about both you and the cats, that it just ruined my laughing fit. Did this all really happen in just one day?

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  4. I'm choosing to believe that all the Shelby's are the same person and I love that she's always so patient.

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    1. I researched it, and the second two Shelby's are the same person, but the first one is someone else. LOL

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  5. This is the most hysterical thing I've ever read. Cheers.

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  6. I don't think these people have no sense of humor, I think there are people stupid enough to ask questions like these on answer forums that aren't joking. The response's were spot on, though...absolutely hilarious. well done.

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  7. You have outdone yourself and you need a social life more than I do and I am a single mom...thats sad... but since you are sadly my only source of entertainment....proceed.
    Laura

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  8. I love how your questions get progressively funnier. Well done, sir.

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  9. Eli, Eli, Eli...I have no idea what to say other than you really need a social life :-)!

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  10. I made the mistake of reading this at work and can't stop laughing at my desk.

    Seriously one of the best things I've ever read.

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  11. Wow. So that's why there are so many crazy people on the internet. Because there are sane people standing in for completely insane people.

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    1. Suddenly it all makes sense.... O_o

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  12. This makes me weep for humanity just a little bit. Also, you deserve a bridge somewhere to live under. You know, because you're so good at being a troll! Get it? Hah aha ha. Never mind.

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  13. Hilarious! People need to realize that we all need a good laugh - it's healthy to laugh and this made me laugh big time! You are so funny! I am wondering if your desire to help people laugh was caused by something I did raising you?!? If so....then I did good!! mom xo

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  14. I am 100% certain that the Rose who responded to your last cat question is Rose Ivie. Only Rose Ivie could give such a level headed and wonderful response.

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  15. Please keep posting these amazing questions. I was having fits of hysteria reading this entire post. Best part of my day!

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  16. That was brilliant, only your spelling was a little too good. I think your next post should be similar, only ask legal or medical questions on Avvo. I get Oregon questions e-mailed directly to me, and one today was asking about how his car was found near a crime scene and because he has an "inexpensive criminal past" he is worried about being found guilty. I'm telling you, it's a golden opportunity.

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  17. HA HA HA! #3 is amazing.

    Please make this a regular thing on your blog...

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  18. You need to be friends with that girl who made the youtube video about how much she loves cats.

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  19. How do you come up with these things? It's great! You are hilarious!

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  21. Bah ha ha! This is classic! My favorite parts:

    On putting your cat down: Mostly the extremely long passive-aggressive comment about how inhumane it is to put a cat down. Clearly this teaches us that cat=Grandma.

    On your attempts to swim the Atlantic: I am dismayed at the lack of support for your endeavors! Even Google Maps supports this kind of thing. "13. Turn right onto Stone Way N 125 ft
    14. Slight left onto N Northlake Way 0.2 mi
    15. Kayak across the Pacific Ocean
    Entering Hawaii 2,756 mi
    16. Continue straight"
    Also, chainmail swimsuits, in addition to being aerodynamic and practical, are also a great lightweight to go. If if's uncomfortable, couple it with a modified Snuggie.

    On your "20-22 cats"... "20 + Cat's" = 20 cats plus Cat's cat. Every time I read "Cat's", I lost it. Especially coming from someone who knows about "light and heavy phases" of cat hoarding. Wow. Made my day.

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  22. *are also a lightweight and FASHIONABLE way to go*

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  23. Eli - I bedazzled a snuggie for my sister a few years ago, I can honestly say it is the coolest thing ever. Definitely fashionable enough to go outside. I'd give it a shot I were you! Also, please keep up with the hilarious posts.

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  24. YOU ARE AMAZING!!!!!!!! Some people are stupid........

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  25. If it hurts when I laugh this hard, is it considered a cardio workout?

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  26. I just found this and I'm DYING! SOOOO funny.

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  27. I just found this and I'm DYING! SOOOO funny.

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  28. I'm sure my professor was wondering during his whole class period what was so funny about Hebrew vs. Greek perceptions of space and time. I need to stop reading this in class. Absolutely a hoot!

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  29. OMG ... "your still in the light phase"

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  30. Sheesh, Eli, what would you do if both your child and your cat were about to "drown to death"?
    (I'm laughing til I hurt)

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  31. HAHAHA! OH MY GOODNESS I cannot get enough of your posts. SOOOO FREAKING FUNNY.

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  32. In future my go to answer to any weird question I see on Yahoo will now have to be "Is this Eli?" lol

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  33. um question six reminded me of this video http://youtu.be/mTTwcCVajAc

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  34. Wow, this is golden. I love how pissed off so many people got!

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  35. You are seriously so brilliant. This blog needs to be blocked from my computer. Every single time I get on for one 'quick read' I spend HOURS on it, laughing away. You have got to be such a fun friend!
    Oh, and it's so great how boring and judgmental everyone is. Too funny!

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  36. mwahahhahahah question 3, how do i put my cat down at home? my favorite answer was that person that said microwave hahahh but it does make me worry for that person what if they were being serious? O.o you should mess with the snuggie company lol that would be great, you could talk about re designing them to be more acceptable to wear in public

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  37. Am I the only one wondering what your cat's newly remodeled room looks like?

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    1. I can't believe that no one mentioned that! That's the part where I lost it...

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  38. I love that you never say a specific number of cats you have! It's always 20-22 or another such estimate.

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  39. "my cat was there first"...oh my....i dont think i've laughed so hard or out loud so long at anything except MWDAS blog and Rob Drydek's 'Ridiculousness'......
    In a world of serious self rightous jerks, thanks for being my escape!

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  40. "drown of starvation"? Seriously?

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  41. "drown of starvation"? Seriously?

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  42. hahaha! My cousin introduced me to your blog today. I have acccomplished nothing at work in the 4 hours that I have been here... except providing my co-workers with further evidence that I have completely lost my mind by laughing hysterically at my desk & then staring rudely back at them when I see them staring at me. Thanks for a much needed laugh!

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  43. Would you believe I actually have a neighbor that owns - I kid you not - at least 20 cats, and is a single mother with 11 children? They keep the cats in a shed in the backyard. It's absolute insanity. And it's not illegal. Anyway, hilarious blog. Excellent procrastination tactic.

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  44. "Microwave" LOL!
    I can't believe the amount of people who actually respond to that stuff....

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  45. HAHAHA oh my! these never cease to amuse me!

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