Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Grandma's Status Updates

Guys, I have the best grandmas. Sweet, giving, hysterical, interesting, etc.

One of my grandmas who is in her 80s, Grandma McCann (more commonly known by her gang name, "G-Mac"), was just not meant to live in an age with social media. But bless her heart for trying.

Other than the occasional accidental announcement on Facebook (or, "Face Off," as she commonly refers to it) of something that was supposed to be a secret, her mishaps are usually harmless. And absolutely hysterical.

The main problem is G-Mac's misuse of status updates, which she often mistakes for personal messages. She occasionally posts things that are clearly supposed to be a part of an email to someone or that are a response to a question that someone else may have asked her in an email or on her own Facebook wall. Or on the phone.

 
I love you, G-Mac. And thanks for always being a good sport amid our teasing.

So today I give you a sampling of some of my favorite G-Mac status updates over the years. Please share your own elderly family members' social media blunders in the comments below.



Grandma's "Face Off" Status Updates, 2009 - 2011

January 19, 2009: is going to a study class Thank heavens for DVR I can't miss 24

January 26, 2009: Congratulations on that cute baby. The pictures look wonderful. Good work.

January 29, 2009: ELI YOU DID SO WELL YOUR FIRST SEMESTER OF LAW SCHOOL A 5.9 GPA [impossible] YOU DAD SAYS YOU ARE DOING WELL AND YOU ARE HAPPY. YOU ARE NUMBER 1.

June 14, 2009: HAPPY BIRTHDAY MATT, WITH LOVE YOUR FAVORITE GRAMMA MAC

July 2, 2009: had a fun time with my little granddaughters while the stay for 2 or 3 days with me. And a fun time with my older granddaughters too, when we all wen to dinner and movie. Megan, glad you could come.

July 10, 2009: yOUR PICTURES LOOK SO GOOD CALEB. CAN'T WAIT TO SEE YOU SOON.

July 16, 2009: I went to the open house of the new So. Jordan temple yesterday with my cousins. I know I can't spell Oquarh right so I didn't try to name the temple.

August 5, 2009: Thats right---we should have pictures of the babies

April 24, 2010: WOW JAZZ. KEEP IT UP. WE NEED ANOTHER WIN TOMORROW.

October 3, 2010: Yes he does and it will all work just great so just call me when you can thanks

February 9, 2011: I GET TO LEAVE THIS COLD, COLD WEATHER AND GO WHERE IT'S TWICE AS COLD, COLD ---LEAVING FRI. FOR CO WHERE TAMI SAYS IT'S -35% THAT IS MINUS, WHEN SHE TAKES THE KIDS TO SCHOOL IN THE MORNING. YUK!!!
BUT I'LL GET TO SEE HERDO A MUSICAL SHOW WITHA FRIEND FOR A LARGE COMPANY DINNER. IT'S JUST 2 OF THEM. IT'LL WILL BE FUN AND WORTH THE COLD. GOOD TALKING TO YOU. CALL ME WHEN YOU GET HOME.


February 17, 2011: yes

March 21, 2011: how much longer will it be so you could just tell me if you can. shOULD BE GOOD!

May 10, 2011: i caN'T WAIT TO SEE HIM THIS WEEKEND.

May 25, 2011: A NEW BABY. I HAD A BABY. MY GRANDSON.

May 28, 2011: YOU KNOW WHAT I MEANT TO SAY. NO---I DO NOT HAVE A BABY---IT;S MY BODY THAT TELLS ME MY AGE.

May 29, 2011: N3EVERMIND.

July 19, 2011: I HAD A WONDERFUL TIME IN ST GEORGE WITH MY 2 DAUGHTERS , THEIR 5 DAUGHTERS BETWEEN THEM AND THEY EACH HAD A DAUGHTER THAT THEY BROUGHT. IT WAS A GIRLS ONLY WEEKEND, THAT IS, EXCEPT FOR HENRY. WE ALL HAD A GREAT TIME. FAMILY FUN IS THE VERY BEST.

August 10, 2011: ,. M./,'/,.LKKKKKKKKKKKK

~it jUST GETS STRANger

67 comments:

  1. My funny story isn't a social media blunder, but it's still hilarious. My (at the time) future brother-in-law, our friend Rex, and I were in a choir that was singing at a religious fireside that was being televised. After it was over, my brother-in-law and I received a text message from her which read:

    "I saw you, Brad, and Sex on the broadcast."

    I still laugh about that one.

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  2. Earlier this month I posted a political-type quote by Howard W. Hunter that spoke of government/taxation/etc. My husband's grandfather commented on that quote by saying "as of yesterday deana and i have been maried thirty one years . thanks so much sweet heart i love you more and more each and every day."
    LOL ... old people :)

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  3. I have my moms username and password and troll her account to correct her spelling mistakes and lets say "awkward" status posts.

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    Replies
    1. Haha Awww good daughter

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    2. I have access to my (evil) twin's username and password. I use them to make her say things that make me seem more awesomer than I already am, and her seem slightly inappropriate.

      It's super fun!

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  4. A lady at my Bible study told about how her friends mom thought "LOL" meant "lots of love", and sent her an email one day reading "Auntie passed away last night. LOL Mom". :)

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    1. Anonymous, you got that from the funny autocorrect.com website. That's not your story.

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    2. Maybe that was her friend's mom where that autocorrect came from. It's possible.

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    3. I didn't get my story from a website. Got it from my Bible Study. I wouldn't lie about Bible Study. Come on.

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    4. LOL did used to mean "Lots of Love", back in the day, long before texting existed... I'm sure others born in the 70s or earlier can remember that!

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    5. It's funny because it looks as if Anonymous is just one person having a conversation with themself. Haha...oh...

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  5. I was always the Henry in our family's girl's weekend trips.

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    Replies
    1. :D I laughed to hard at this.

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  6. I was always the Henry in our family's girl's weekend trips.

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  7. Oh G-Mac she never disappoints...did you here about the time she was at my parents for dinner and she told us they had that sodomy during the depression and she never did like that...to which I replied I'm sure some of the prisoners don't mind it...blank stare...and then Dana chimed in hominy mother you mean hominy...In grandmas defense I think she got face off from Dana and she's been doomed since with the name.

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  8. My mother continually posts on 'The Facebook' random "Why aren't we friends?" posts on the walls of people she's clearly 'friended', or she couldn't post on their wall.

    I've tried, over and over, to explain this to her...to no avail.

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  9. My mother-in-law, though, is hilarious.

    She is convinced there are little men running around inside her computer.

    "They" steal her e-mail, won't let her go to certain sites (it's always that she's misspelled something in the URL), and her computer gets 'tired'....her explanation for why it sometimes runs slow. She lets it 'rest' for a while, and when she comes back it's always faster.

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    Replies
    1. LOL! My mother is the exact same way!!

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  10. Oh my dear Nana...so much to say...

    She would frequently ask me to "fix the Google"...essentially just to load up the page.

    She loved the internet because it enabled her to see pictures of her great grand-daughter in Nova Scotia. I saved each of those pictures and videos DIRECTLY to her desktop so that she could easily access them. Most littered looking desktop I'd ever seen and she didn't grasp that to access the picture you simply double click.

    When she passed away I went through her computer looking for pictures of her and found that she'd tried to use Photobooth at one point and instead of taking pictures had mistakenly taken very short videos of herself looking completely confused with the conehead setting on.

    Another excellent time, though not technology related. I was filling out a teacher's college application. My Nana, who was British, came into the room, looked over my shoulder and said "Oh! A teacher's college application! That's nice. Something to fall back on if you don't get married."

    Damn British "sensibilities"...!

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    Replies
    1. That conehead story just about made me fall off my chair.

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    2. Conehead setting... That is amazing!

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    3. I'm laughing so hard there are literally tears falling over the conehead story! What a wonderful lady she must have been :) (I called my dear grandmother Nana, too)

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  11. My dad (who isn't elderly, just facebook challenged) posted a picture of his cat and her 7 new kittens. The next post said:
    "Can you see all 7. I told you I would get better."
    Which was followed by this disturbing post:
    "After I made them mom and I sang a happy birthday song to each of you who had a birthday in the last 30 days then we ate them."
    Hahahahahaha! I hope no one tells PETA...

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    1. Wait wait wait, there's more! Here's a post from the next day:

      "A couple of pictures are on my mind one is from a famous artist and the other two are of separate cakes that I personally made for a son and some grand kids and I made them my self and they are separate cakes and I made one for each occassion"

      I wonder if these are kitten flavored cakes?

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  12. My grandmother is in her 70's, and has a Facebook account, which she frequently checks on her cell phone... I know what you're thinking, "Wow! She's really progressive!" Which is true, except that she doesn't always have a grasp on how to properly use this technology...

    For example, she often gets agitated at things people post on what she calls "her Facebook." I have tried numerous times to explain to her that she is looking at the "newsfeed," and that no one posted a picture of their dinner on HER wall. She also has no comprehension of emoticons, as I was once asked what "colon, hyphen, parentheses" meant.

    While such behavior is amusing, I found the following mishap to be the most entertaining so far...

    There have been several occasions where it has shown in the newsfeed that she "likes" pages, but in reality, she has accidentally clicked "like" while scrolling on her phone. I know this to be true because I found it hard to believe that she even knew what iHeartRadio was, let alone liked it; when I inquired about it, she became hysterical and not only exclaimed that she had no idea what it was, but demanded that I remove her connection to it immediately.

    Since then, I keep a keen watch on her "liking," in the event she accidentally endorses some sort of unlawful violent activity or the use of Miracle Whip instead of real mayonnaise.

    With this in mind, I was aimlessly perusing the newsfeed one evening, when I saw that she had "liked" two things; if you use Facebook, you are no doubt aware that if you "like" a page early in the day, then "like" another page later on, it will lump those "likes" into a concise statement, such as "Kristina likes Pumpkin Pie Blizzards and I Run a Box Fan Every Night No Matter How Cold it is, Otherwise I Can't Sleep Because It's Too Quiet."

    Well, evidently my grandmother had inadvertently "liked" two pages, so her concise statement read, "(Kristina's Grandmother) likes I Will Vote for Barack Obama and Mitt Romney."

    Upon confrontation of her contradictory political preference, not to mention her calm indication to the virtual world that she would be pulling off the impossible, she once again flew into a flurry of exclamations such as, "I had no idea I did that!" and "Make that go away!" Being the loving granddaughter I am, I removed all evidence of her political affiliations, and gave her a stern lecture on the value of mindful "liking."

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  13. One day my grandma called me and was very upset that "the man stopped running."

    If you remember the dial up days of AOL, the opening screen had three picture boxes. One was man standing then a man running and the last was the family/friends rejoicing that you finally connected. Her computer had frozen up just as the second picture of the man running started to load. It took me an hour to figure out thats what she was talking about.

    LOL gotta love 'em.

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  14. Four years ago at Thanksgiving dinner my grandma asked my cousin and I why we didn't have boyfriends. My cousin was busy in nursing school and I was just not having luck with guys I met. As some advice Grandma tells me "Maybe you just don't put out enough." When everyone at the dinner table looked shocked "What? I am just trying to help"

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  15. Your grandma is funny! I think my favorite was, "I had a baby. A grandson."

    I have a friend who isn't even old who is constantly updating her status with personal messages to her mom like, "Mom, I'm sorry I didn't call you last night. I'll call you after work." She does it at least once a week.

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  16. I work with the elderly on a daily basis, as my family owns a hearing aid store. We have seen it all. And then some. This video (which I'm sure you've seen) is awesome.

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  17. Oh ELi, You are CRUEL!! have you seen her face, you can tell she is one sweet lady! Bless her heart! but Oh My are these funny!!!! AV

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  18. Your grandma could unknowingly have contributed to one of my favorite sites: http://oldpeoplefacebook.tumblr.com/page/2.

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  19. Eli I am going to need you to stop posting until finals are over. I just can't leave your blog alone but I have to study. I'm sure you understand, man of the law.

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  20. Eli, did you know that this month you posted 3 times as many posts as you did in June? It rather makes me feel a little sad for you ... this is due to the fact that I have jumped to the conclusion that you must be writing so much because you have no friends. In any case, I have very much enjoyed your posts. They have been hilarious as always. ... An in the case that I am right about the friend thing, you can always rejoice in the friends you have here, you sure do have a bunch. :)

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  21. My aunt has a blog called Maria Fofia (named by her 7 year old daughter). My grandma told me she loves looking at the pictures on my "Maria Fofia" (aka my own blog)

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  22. Oh dear, if my own grandmother was capable of turning on and working a computer, her "face off" updates would be epic! She has dementia, you see. Last time I visited her, she asked, "Where's Kyle?" (my grandfather, who has been dead for 9 years). Mom and I reminded her that he passed away, and after the initial shock (it's "news" every time), she said, "I feel better knowing that he's safe. I wondered if he had run off to Las Vegas with the floozies." It was all Mom and I could do not to laugh in her face...

    My favorites from G-Mac are: "Yes," and "...it's my body that tells me my age." How cute is she?!

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  23. My fiance's grandma was convinced that no one could see her posts except her family - so when we put up a picture of us and some friends, she felt the need to comment this:

    "HELLO KATIE AND LUKE, LOOKIN GOOD. WHO'S THAT UGLY GUY IN THE PICTURE WITH YOU//////////???"

    that ugly guy was one of our friends lol...oh grandma! :)

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  24. Hahahahaha "yes."

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  25. Hilarious.....classic.....and man, are you going to be in trouble! Xoxo. LOL.....both meanings. ;)

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  26. My grandma always leaves me voicemails on my cell phone that say, "Pick up the phone! I know you're home! Are you screening your calls? I'll just keep talking for a minute to give you a chance to get to the phone..."

    Sweet thing doesn't understand that a voicemail box doesn't exactly work like an answering machine.

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  27. It doesn't matter if it's a phone or video call, whenever I try to talk to my grams she always rushes through a quick one-way conversation consisting of "You're so great, work hard at school, be safe, I love you." Hardly lets me talk at all. She always abruptly ends with "Okay, bubye now." and hangs up.

    I've tried to explain that I have unlimited minutes and that internet skyping and etc don't cost anything, but she apparently thinks that all of our contact costs me more than textbooks, so she wants to keep it short. lol

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  28. And then there are the grannies with vanity plates that say, I kid you not: GRMN8R
    Graminator! YEAH! Go Grannie!

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  29. My great aunt does the same exact thing. Love it.

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  30. My grama used to call our house & when the answering machine would pick up, she would say, "Debbie? It's Grama (pause) ok, well, are you & Gary coming over tomorrow?(pause)Can you hear me? (pause)Alright, well, call me back, ok? (pause)Love you's!" I think she always thought that the answering machine was just a different way for us to answer & she assumed that since it was my voice on the greeting, that I was home. She would always ask questions & wait for us to answer them. It was hilarious! I miss her!

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  31. One of my relatives got Facebook and an old friend posted on his wall "Jeff, I see you're on Facebook now!". He asked us how they knew and we tried to explain it but he thought someone was watching him and immediately deleted it.

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  32. STOP. I have tears. Ok so I too have to share - My mother is not from the US (she's from Nicaragua) and often has trouble with idomatic expressions (admittedly, I do too). Here are some GEMS we now use daily:

    1. "I was so late for the salon, and so i was hollering ass all the way there." Translation: hauling ass.
    2. "The kids at school today were tripping the walls." Translation: Bouncing off the walls.

    And my personal favorite: "Well, this shit went over the fan today." Translation: The shit hit the fan.

    HAHAHA. Those darn idomatic expressions! I find mom has the most trouble when curse words are involved. But she's a good sport, always a good time. Ok the end. Thanks for sharing :)

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  33. Oh dear. I cannot keep reading this at work. I am so glad that I'm the only one in my office today because all the snorting and cackling I'm doing are not conducive to my boss beliving that I'm actually being productive.

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  34. Love this! When my mother opened her Facebook account she didn't want anyone to find her so she used a nickname. She called me freaking out because some guy named Richard had asked her to be friends and she accepted and he was putting "weird political comments on her page". She felt sure she knew him because he went to the same college she had gone to and she remembered a guy named Richard. I agreed to check it out and went on her account ... The guys name was Richard Cheney and he had maybe 3 friends. Called mom back and asked her if it had ever occurred to her that Richard Cheney might be Dick Cheney and I highly doubt the real Dick Cheney would be stalking her. Also, she signs all of her comments .... "great picture! Love, Mom"

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  35. I love how old people type in all caps.

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  36. My old Young Women President once told me about one of her sisters receiving a text about her (the sister's) daughter getting the part that she wanted in a HS play. The text went something like this:

    Daughter: I made it! I got the part of _______!
    Mother: WTF!
    Daughter: What?? Mom, why would you say that??
    Mother: Say what?
    Daughter: WTF. Don't you know what it means?
    Mother: Well That's Fabulous?


    X)

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  37. Recently my grandma received an iPad and a Facebook account. For Easter her status update was this: hppy Easter everyone and as my sweet colored friends would say thank you Jesus.

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  38. OMG... I love it. So I was with my Mom and she had got a text from my aunt who had recently gotten a new phone and was trying " the texting thing" that read "wheresthespacebar" I almost cried laughing as my Mom tried to give directions on where the spacebar was lol.... P.S. I have to stop reading this blog before I go to bed I end up staying up for hours trying not to laugh and wake up my husband.

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  39. I agree, Oquirrh is very hard to spell!!

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  40. My grandma has Alzheimer's, so she comes out with some gems sometimes. My favorite happened last Christmas. My grandpa was telling us a story about his childhood when someone sold his father a doped horse.
    Grandma: "I wish I would have had some of that stuff when I was a kid."
    Grandpa: "What stuff?"
    Grandma: "Dope."
    Us: "Uh.....???"
    Grandma continuing as if she were being perfectly normal: "I would have used it on my cousin Kenny. He needed ... help."

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    Replies
    1. Dying of laughter thanks for sharing

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  41. "it's my body that tells me my age"
    favorite line ever!

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  42. Haha!! My grandma doesn't use the Internet but I always make fun of her for how she says body parts and diseases.

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  43. My mother in law got facebook for her 67th bday and her daughter posted a picture of Billy D Williams on her wall along with the message "happy birthday" She called my husband SUPER EXCITED because on her very first day on facebook Billy D Williams had found her and wished her a happy birthday! He couldn't bear to break her heart, so he called his sister to be the bearer of bad news. It was so cute!!

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  44. on a semi-related note, my grandma is overly up-to-date with technology and uses the grandma/old lady emoji as her signature to all of her texts.

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