Thursday, November 8, 2012

Hair Salon Emails

One stranger, Emma, referred me to a website of a pretentious hair salon in a big city. The website had a contact email for questions and explained that it would charge extra for any special accommodations. It also made a big deal about being "high-end" and not allowing children into the salon "for any reason." I'll give them props though for having a pretty good, and surprising, sense of humor in the end.


From: Jane
To: Passions Salon
Subject: Special Circumstances

Hi!!! I'm looking for a haircut from a high end salon but I have some special circumstances so I need to find someone who can accommodate them. Willing to pay four times your high end salon rate and refer my friends. Can you help?!


From: Passions Salon
To: Jane
Subject: Special Circumstances

Hi Jane

We would love to serve you! What kind of accommodations do you need?


From: Jane
To: Passions Salon
Subject: Special Circumstances

Well, the haircut isn't for me actually. It's for one of my very closest friends, Trixy. She doesn't keep still for very long and can be a bit of a handful. I don't want to bring her in if you're not the more patient type. Also, she leaves hair all over the house! I sometimes find it in my food and mouth! I don't know why this is happening and would so like some advice from a high end salon about how to make this stop.


From: Passions Salon
To: Jane
Subject: Special Circumstances

Jane I am patient and am happy to help out however I can. Forgive me......does Trixy have some kind of disability?


From: Jane
To: Passions Salon
Subject: Special Circumstances

Oh, I see what this is! So SO typical!!! You think that just because Trixy has different needs than you, she must be disabled! Well, I call discrimination. Same thing happens when I take her to nice restaurants and they freak out. So she sheds a little. Big deal. :-(


From: Passions Salon
To: Jane
Subject: Special Circumstances

Jane I did not mean to offend. I was just asking some questions to get an idea of what to expect. I don't know why she would be losing hair unless she is sick or over-brushing or using damaging products. Please forgive me if I was being insensitive why don't you have Trixy call and I can just talk to her directly?


From: Jane
To: Passions Salon
Subject: Special Circumstances

Ok. You seem really nice. I'm sorry I got after you. It's just that the pool near our place has been giving us trouble lately and told me Trixy can't swim there anymore.

I could have her call but she is really difficult to understand over the phone unless you are used to talking to her and can basically speak her language. She does have an email account and I can pass on your address but honestly, she has a hard time typing and I'm not sure she can spell very well. Part of the shedding problem is from my cleaning/bathing her, which is how so much of her hair ends up on me, in my food, and in my mouth!

When should I bring her in? I would like to bring a couple of her friends as well, if that's ok.


From: Passions Salon
To: Jane
Subject: Special Circumstances

ok well you have to make an appointment. I'm not sure yet what accommodations she needs so I don't know. I should just ask, I need you to tell me more about Trixy and what accommodations she needs so I can decide if this is a good fit?


From: Jane
To: Passions Salon
Subject: Special Circumstances

Trixy is 7 years old. Loves tuna. She snuggles with me at night. Great dancer. Wants to be a photographer. Pretty jealous. Loves yarn. Can be a little skiddish. But she's great at helping around the house and knows the true meaning of friendship!

I recently made an acronym poem for her name to introduce her to her class:

T: Ticklish
R: Rad
I: Ironic
X: Xylophone
Y: Yikes!


From: Passions Salon
To: Jane
Subject: Special Circumstances

So she's a child? I'm sorry, but we only accept clients over age 16 here. This is a high end salon and we don't take children.


From: Jane
To: Passions Salon
Subject: Special Circumstances

At 7 years old, I would hardly consider Trixy a "child." She has been full grown for some time now.

OMG! I just realized I never explained: Trixy is my cat. I bet this whole conversation was so strange to you up to this point! You probably thought I was crazy when I said that stuff about me tongue bathing her while thinking she was a person! Gross! I would NEVER tongue bath a person (unless it was John Wayne. Amiright?! Hubba hubba woo hoo!!!).

From: Passions Salon
To: Jane
Subject: Special Circumstances

Jane, this is a high end salon for HUMANS. We do not cut animals hair. Good luck.


From: Jane
To: Passions Salon
Subject: Special Circumstances

You'll be sorry when Trixy tells all of her friends about this!

_____________________________________________________

And from "Trixy Meowman's" account:


From: Trixy Meowman
To: Passions Salon
Subject: xbgui ziu908=

axghrh;oi76-=58754+  ###tdfsdssrtyysy jkl; s s nl;mxm,.jksj k


From: Passions Salon
To: Trixy Meowman
Subject: xbgui ziu908=

Meow.


~It Just Gets Stranger

31 comments:

  1. How you waited so long to finally explain that Trixy is a cat = brilliant. Laughed so hard, once again.

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  2. My favorite bit is the random HTML ("HTML"). You are a genius.

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  3. Thank you for making me laugh.....

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  4. This just made my day so much better! Thanks!!

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  5. John Wayne would be the first person I'd choose to tongue bath too. Except that he's been dead a while now and might taste really bad.

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  6. Love this! I am a hairstylist who owns my salon, and I have some very unique customers... even more so than Trixie! I could totally relate! Thanks!
    :)

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  11. So I have this um...let's just call it a "condition" where I sometimes...snortwhenilaugh. So I'm just sitting on the couch...looking at my computer...laughing and snorting. And everyone in the room is looking at me like I'm insane (Which is fine because they're mostly my collection of lifelike baby dolls and aren't prone to gossip, thank goodness--amiright??). It's fine.

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  12. I am personally going to boycott Passions Salons. This is an outrage!

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  13. Instead of doing my Midterm papers and studying for tests, I'm reading your blog. And I. Can. Not. Stop reading! It's gotten out of control and I need some serious help if I have any hopes in pursuing an education. I need an intervention pronto. It's just way to funny. I blame you if I fail college.

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  14. Eli,
    I love your blog! It's almost an obsession, I might need a 12-step program. Keep up the nonsense!

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  15. The 'John Wayne. Amiright?! Hubba hubba woo hoo!!!' part had me laughing loudly at work. thank you for the best blogs ive seen.

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  16. Yes,
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  17. You should start getting awards or something. A plaque? AT LEAST a gold star.

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  18. Sooooo funny! I love Trixy's email at the end. Lol

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  20. This one made me laugh so hard. I must be an awful mom because I showed my sons your snuggie stuff. Keep it up, you have a wonderfully warped gift. Keep on giving.

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  24. hubba hubba woo woo! Haha that part cracked me up the most lol

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  25. When I'm bored at work, I find random blogs to read. Today was yours. It is extremely difficult to read this with a facial expression that makes it look like I'm reading organic protocols and production spreadsheets. Thank you for giving my facial muscles a workout today, I thought they were getting a little frozen.

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