Monday, January 14, 2013

Little Guy, Big Map

Oh no, guys. Here comes another chapter in the Eli McCann Book of Learning. Learning is the worst.

One of the most difficult things I'm experiencing right now is the unsurety of where my life is supposed to go from here. Guys, I thought people were supposed to have this experience at age 18. Not 28.

Like, you turn 18. Then you get into a car and drive across the country "finding" yourself. On the way you pick up hitchhikers, run out of money, sell everything you have with you, eat, love, pray, and end up on top of a mountain with a new resolve to save the world. Then you move on and do everything you discovered that you needed to do for the rest of your life and you never feel lost again.

I think the day I was supposed to have that "finding myself" experience something really good was on TV. So I didn't go.

And I wish I had because here we are, 10 years later. I'm done with schooling. I'm a couple of years into some kind of career. I've traveled and lived all over the world and met all 7 billion people in it (besides Paul Simon--errant tear). I should know where my life is going by now, right?

Wrong. I'm more confused than a Glee writer watching Jeopardy. And I don't know why I am still so lost.

Do you ever feel like the only person in the world who doesn't know what they're doing? 

Maybe everybody else got their direction as a consolation prize for completing puberty. And that's just so unfair. I can't help it that I got passed up! I'm trying to make up for lost time now but it's really hard to go through puberty when you're almost 30!

For several years now I've been in a constant state of not really having any kind of long-term stability. And now, I'm looking at the next 8 months or so that I have in Palau, and I'm trying to enjoy them as much as a can even though I can't tell whether those 8 months culminate in a cliff.

I don't know what is going to happen after Palau. I don't know whether I'll be able to find a job that I like. Or, find a job at all. I don't know whether I'll get everything I've always wanted or whether everything I've always wanted will get me. I don't even get me, sometimes. And strangers, it's kind of scary.

I tell my friends when they express the same concerns I'm expressing now that everything is going to work out for them. And I really believe it when I say it. But for some reason, right now, I'm having a hard time saying it to myself.

Fortunately I have several things that keep me grounded when I start going through these periods of unsurety. Like my great family and friends. And my comforting religious convictions. But family can't eliminate the need to make life decisions. And religion shouldn't take away questions altogether. At least, I believe that religion isn't always meant to solve problems, but to provide the proper lens for obtaining what you need from your problems so you can become something better. Not understanding this is the reason some people become embittered toward religion when tragedy occurs or prayers seem to go unanswered. But I like that lens, so I try to keep understanding it without accumulating false expectations.

And, right now, that still leaves me with the mounting pressure of figuring out what that "something better" is. And where it is. And where it isn't.

A part of me keeps screaming to Eli the Adventurer that this is another really great thing. I can go anywhere. I can start life over with new places and new friends and new experiences. Then another part of me feels so much anxiety over growing up and changing without knowing what I'm growing up and changing into. Then the last part of me wants to shut out all of the reality, curl up into a little ball, and wait for things to sort themselves out.

The thing about that last option, though, is that things don't tend to sort themselves out very often when you're curled up into a little ball.

They also don't tend to sort themselves out when you're crippled with anxiety.

I don't really have an answer today. I wish I did. I wish this was one of those posts where I tell you about the concern I've been having, make a few jokes about it, and then finish off by spouting some kind of reflective lesson I've picked up in the process.

But right now, today, I'm just a little guy lost on a really big map. And I have to keep moving. And north, south, east, and west all just look really foggy. And foggy is scary. Because you never know when a semi-truck is going to bust through the fog and run you right over.

~It Just Gets Stranger

58 comments:

  1. I've been stalking you (uh, following your blog is what I meant) for some time now. I think one of your many talents in this life is the act of really experiencing life. Many people stumble through life trying hard to avoid discomfort, confusion, and pain. You notice it, analyze it, accept it, and apply the important bits. Which gives you a leg up on piecing together an incredible experience. There may be fog, but when it clears, you'll no doubt find yourself exactly where you should be. You can't hurry the fog away...it will lift when it's ready to. Enough with the trite Zen sound bytes, right? You know what I would do if I was in Palau right now? I'd go to the beach and poke something with a stick.....preferably the carcass of a TMZ associate, were one available.

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  2. I love your blog. You are very talented writer. And this is one of my favorite pieces that you've written. I like what you wrote on religion, I've never thought about it that way and I think it's a very healthy way to look at it. I find myself in somewhat of the same situation except I have a family in tow... Which makes the whole situation a little scarier, cause I am responsible for the safety and welfare of these little humans. Well I wish you the best... Will be looking forward to hearing where life takes you next

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    1. Yes! Religion as a lens. I haven't been religious for many years because I just didn't feel like I was getting much from it. This makes a lot more sense to me that it doesn't solve problems, it just helps you understand them and learn from them. I think I long for that sometimes.

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  3. I mean, you can always go somewhere and teach English. That's what I tell myself when I have no idea what's going on. If everything falls apart, you can go somewhere and teach English. There is adventure in that! It's not the career path I dreamed of, but it's a back up to a back up plan. So repeat after me: I can always go somewhere and teach English.

    Unless this blog is actually written in Mandarin or something and I just left my Google translator on? In which case, ignore me.

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  4. In my experience, everyone I know pretty much feels like they are faking their way through adulthood for the entirety of their 20s. And some into their 30s. My friends and I sometimes joke about the prospect of the "real adults" showing up and taking away our grown up cards.

    I think this kind of panic is actually the result of finally starting to feel like a real grown-up. You realize that your wants and needs and goals aren't only about what happens in the next 5 minutes anymore, and that is terrifying because what if you are doing it wrong. You aren't. None of us are. You find your path a little at a time. It doesn't just appear to you laid out end to end. You'll get where you are supposed to be.

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  5. I'm so glad that I'm not the only one going through the same thing. I'm a senior in college right now, and I'm having a lot of similar anxieties over what's going to happen after I graduate. So far, the plan is to get a scholarship to study in China, but I'm worried about what if I don't get the scholarship, and if I do get it, what will I do when I get back after a year or so? Will I be able to get a job at all? And what if all that hard work doesn't end up working out after all? Also, this being a young adult and finding yourself thing really sucks! I'm in my early 20's and I have no idea what kind of person I am, what I'm really supposed to be doing with my life, and where my place is in life. I feel displaced and isolated, and I haven't the foggiest what's going to happen. It's scary, but I'm sure that whatever happens will be for the better and will be a good learning experience that will make me a better person and prepare me for what's in store for the future. And I'm sure that the same will be for you, Eli. Just stay strong and know that there's a girl in Utah, along with several others who are experiencing similar anxieties as you are right now. Plus, you have your family and friends and religion to look to for advice and strength. Things will work out for you. I'm certain that you have a very promising future ahead of you, Eli.

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    1. while on this journey, find one of those girls in UT... and she can help you find and travel the path

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  6. Hang in there buddy! You can do it!

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  7. Being [mumble mumble] years your senior, I can talk from experience. When I was in my 20's I had to figure out who I was. Guess what? When I was in my 30's I had to figure out who I was all over again. It never ends because circumstances kept changing. My family and I moved from Chicago to the Deep South and I bawled my eyes out on my 40th birthday because I didn't know where I was and what I was supposed to do with my life AGAIN. But you have your education, you have your your phenomenal writing skills, and you have your religion and family to back you up. My advice: breathe. You are right - things don't sort themselves out when you are crippled with anxiety. I have every faith in you, dear stranger, and I don't even know you. [Favorite line: "like a Glee writer watching Jeopardy" priceless!]

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  8. Don't fret fellow stranger. I didn't find my path or career until I was in my mid thirties. And it's nothing what I thought I would end up doing. My philosophy is - you're 20's are for discovering yourself. Give it time. You're 30's are to discover others and the world around you. Give it time. Your 40's are...who knows? I'm not there yet.

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    1. And it's early here...that's my only excuse for spelling 'your' incorrectly.

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  9. *SLAP* PULL IT TOGETHER, MAN! Whenever I feel this way I watch a clip from LOTRROTK (Lord of the Rings, Return of the King) Did I mention I was a nerd? Sexy nerd if you ask me. Anyway what was I talking about? Oh yeah LOTRROTK. So it's the scene when Aragorn is rallying his troops outside the Black Gates for their last and final battle and it goes a little something like.. 'Friends of Rohan, of Gondor, My Brothers. I see in your eyes the same fear that would take the heart of me. There may come a day a day when the courage of men shall fail. When we forsake our friends and break all bonds of fellowship. But it is not this day. An hour of wolves and shattered shields when the age of Men comes crashing down. But is not this day! THIS DAY WE FIGHT! By all you hold dear on this good earth, I bid you STAND! MEN OF THE WEST!!! Then they all draw their swords and head off to certain death.. But they do it with CONVICTION! You'll be fine. Have you treated yourself to a multi-vitamin today? Run along and do that and I'm sure you'll feel better. Also I'm stealing that thing about religion being a lens and I'll be claiming it as my own stroke of genius. Thank you for that. :)

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    1. I never thought of LOTR line. I am stealing that for my own use in a situation where it totally works. Thanks for your stroke of Genius.

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  10. ...it sounds like you need a wife...

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    1. I know several women who would give him a fair chance right here in the Salt Lake area. Heck, I'd set him up with my sister if he weren't in the middle of NOT HERE. lol - See, she's brilliant, and Eli must be smart to have made it through law school. Or he fakes it well... ;) So, it's a match made on the internet. Creepy...

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    2. Yep- a wife is needed- she'll tell you what your purpose is :-)

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  11. I've been there and sadly at 33.5 (old enough to know better still too young to give up 1/5 birthdays) I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. Keep having adventures, keep plugging away, live life and do good in this world because what I've figured out is that Robert Burns was right.

    "The best laid schemes of Mice and Men
    oft go awry,
    And leave us nothing but grief and pain,
    For promised joy!"

    I was a hopeless wanderer for most of my life. Then I fell in love and decided to try the settled life. I bought a house, got married, worked a million jobs to make ends meet, and lost myself along the way. And guess what? It didn't work out. But in a way it was for the best because it gave me perspective.

    Anyone who says they haven't felt this way is probably not being honest with you or themselves. Be well, be happy, and keep being you.

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  13. Proverbs 3:5-6/Jeremiah 29:11

    I have to remind myself of these two verses A LOT as I am finally starting to finish up school a few years later then "the norm" (better late then never)and still have no clue what God has for me next. As I look around, everyone is already married and starting to have kids, and pretty much know what they want to do in life. When I start having a panic moment about "what am I doing with my life, where do I go from here?"...I just try to remember that as long as I am trying to stay in the will of God, I am exactly where I am supposed to be in this moment. It's not my job to know all the answers, and in time it will reveal itself and I will go "DUH! THAT'S why God put me through that". You not being already settled down with "the perfect job" and other responsibilities that you think everyone else has already accomplished, not having this right away has allowed you to have so many experiences that most people will never get the opportunity to have and share with others. Maybe this is part of God's plan to mold you and shape you into an amazing man that he has greater purposes for. Ok, sorry for being on a soapbox..I'm probably more trying to calm my own fears about the future :) Praying for you fellow stranger.

    PS, it's ok to not know the answers...usually when we think we have it all figured out, we are quickly proving wrong. I think God has a sense of humor about these things sometimes

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  14. I don't know if you're looking for advice or not but whatever... what you describe is what most people go through. We tend to think that everyone else has things figured out and that's usually not the case. Most likely you'll get back, find a job and try to do your best. But I think you adventurous side keeps telling you that more adventures and trips will do it for you and MAYBE it's not about where you are but what you're doing with your life. In a recent fireside I attended, the speaker (in his late 30's) said how, ever since he was a teenager, he had felt homesick in his own house and he would tell his parents that. He said those feelings didn't go away until he married his wife. I'm not saying this is your case, but the same concept could apply. Sometimes we put off important things that have long term consequences for other experiences that are still great but not necessarily what we're lacking. Good luck with everything! You have a lot to offer! Flo

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  15. Eli, You will find yourself at this kind of cross road many times in your life. You think it's hard in your twenties, wait till it's your thirties, forties, or fifties. Each time you get to have an opportunity to see where you've come from, if the course you've chosen is walking in happiness or if a change needs to occur. It's hard to step into the fog of the future where nothing is certain and ghosts and monsters are easily hidden, but you must choose to do so. Your choice need not be a huge leap, in fact sometimes it even feels like a step back, but it needs to be made. It's the only way for you to make sure your future self doesn't find a time machine and come beat you up for inaction. Enjoy the time you have where you are, choose the option that seems to fit you best for your future, and be prepared to change your mind if a different opportunity presents itself. Best to keep your sense of humor around, too it helps keep things bearable.

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  16. I wish I had some brilliant words of wisdom to impart, but I'm 35 and still feel as lost as you do.

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  17. These comments are as priceless as the post. You are normal. I consider crippling anxiety and indecision a normal phase of life that happens every few weeks, months, years, or whatever. See you on the other side.

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  18. I'm 55 years old and am going through the same thing, basically. This is about my fourth time around. My reasons are different than yours, but here are some things I've figured out on the way to this particular point. It's my belief that a lot of times anxiety can be caused by hormones or chemical imbalances. I know this sounds a li'l crazy, but it helps to take multi-vitamins. When I start feeling like this, I take a good b complex as well and plenty of natural organic foods, sunshine & exercise. I also believe when it isn't that, it's a struggle that will allow growth. My faith has always been instrumental in handling those feelings. As other commenters have said, change comes several times over the course of life. You can't predict what will happen, nor how your circumstances will affect the outcome. But the old adage, "one day at a time" has always been helpful to me. I'm adding you to my prayers. Your sense of humor has helped me over some humps. And know that your Dear Readers (sorry, I know you're not Miss Manners) care about you. I, for one, will never look at a chicken the same way again. Thanks for sharing with us.

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  19. Oh, honey. Breathe. Can you feel me patting you softly on the back? That's what I do when my 16 year old over-achiever seems about to explode with anxiety over decisions she has to make in 2 years. Now I'll tell you what I tell her. As long as you are always true to yourself, all your decisions will be good ones. Even if that decision puts you in a place that doesn't make your heart sing with joy, it's okay because there is always another one around the corner. Always. Life doesn't stop throwing you curve balls just because you think you have things all figured out. Sometimes the answer is to just do what comes next and not worry about the rest. If you know who you are and can keep your sense of humor intact(the most important part I think) then you'll always be okay. If what comes next for you is just walking into the fog, put on your shoes and start strolling. Whistle as you go though, it's more cheerful for you and more annoying for those around you that way. As a 38-year-old that is still trying to figure it all out, and as a mother of 4 that pretty much expects to get hit by that semi-truck every other week,(the joy of having children) you just get up and keep limping down the road. And it doesn't hurt as much as you think. I promise.

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    1. Love this response! So motherly, so comforting.

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  20. Now in my mid-30’s, the only thing I’ve discovered with any certainty is that whatever plans you may have for your life, if any, will change. Either by your success or failing, or by the influence or decisions or others, or by the things God places in our paths. I’ve experienced euphoric highs and crippling lows, from finding my soul mate to burying my son. And other than the particulars, I don’t think my life has been all that unique. What separates the lost from the fulfilled is just perspective. In my case, my perspective is based on my faith in Christ. And despite being slapped around by life at times, that faith has always brought me back to a place of confidence in who I am and why I’m here. We place so much pressure on ourselves to be this or accomplish that. Don’t get me wrong, that call all be very important. But if you’re lost with who you are now, you aren’t going to find yourself by going/doing/being somewhere/something/someone else. We’re all massively flawed, and I’m pretty sure most of us assume we’re more screwed up inside than most everyone else. It’s up to you whether you let that knowledge cripple you, or whether you accept it, embrace it, and use what you’ve been given to find peace in every situation. I only know one way to gain that perspective. That’s my experience. I hope you can get there as well. Peace, stranger.

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  21. You have happily travelled down the highway of Education (with 60,000 fellow travellers), taken a scenic detours through Ukraine, Mexico, and Europe (with mission companions and later family & friends), and exited onto the next highway of Tropical Distraction (with just one friend.) You are wise enough to see the sign Grow Up Highway (exit 128) exit ramp just 3 miles ahead. Be the road as well as the traveller. Ask yourself if part of your anxiety is because you know you do not want to be a lone traveller. Find one of those bright, funny, wise girls and start down the best road of all: Forever Freeway. You will then have someone with whom to study the map.

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  22. Eli, don't sweat the petty things..
    or is it don't pet the sweaty things?
    Either way...Don't!

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  23. "I'm more confused than a Glee writer watching Jeopardy" you're really proud of that line aren't you? :)

    It's funny because just by reading your blog I think that you are someone that has it all figured out and I need to get my act together. I'm glad that's not true and that life can be awesome even when you have no freaking idea what you are doing.

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  24. I hate that feeling of...wondering. Or is it wandering? Both apply, am I right?

    I'm thirty, Eli (and I even said it without flinching!). I feel like I know myself pretty well, and it didn't happen on a cross-country trip of self-discovery (although that would've been pretty cool); it happened as life presented itself, the good and the bad. I'm a speech therapist, and have been for 6.5 years (what the what?! I got my Masters nearly 7 years ago?! YIKES!). I have the same religious convictions as you (for which I am eternally grateful! So glad to have some sort of perspective when life throws me some nasty-ish curves!).

    But just because I'm thirty and grounded and happy with my career and my life is pretty freakin' awesome...doesn't mean I always have my sh...crap...together. My life is amazing, but I'm nowhere near where I thought I'd be by this point in my life (married with at least a small litter of children)...and I sometimes question if life in Idaho Falls is where I need to be. (This question slaps me in the face frequently every. single. winter...but I digress.)

    The most you can do is take that first step into the darkness. It's scary and uncomfortable, and I hate uncertainty more than anyone else I know...but things work on and start to click once you set them in motion. I'm pretty sure you know this. Sorry if I come off as annoying or whatever...I guess I'm just saying that I know how you feel, Stranger, and things work themselves out, because God has a plan for each of us; we just have to do our part and forge ahead. If you start down a path that's not quite right, you'll feel it; the hard part is the taking that first step into the foggy darkness.

    Good luck, Eli! You know you've got your friends and family looking out for you, but you've also got a lot of Strangers pulling for you as well. :)

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  25. I feel like you do a lot of the time. Lately, I've come to think that we aren't supposed to just do ONE thing or have ONE purpose. I think we are supposed to enjoy our life as a series of days, gifts, we've been given and celebrate each one as it comes. We have to help others in our own unique way as we go along. You can't live in the past; it's sailed away. And you can't be in the future; it hasn't been granted to you yet. Live in NOW and feel your feelings. But breathe in, look around you and keep moving forward. The answers will always come, so just 'be.' And if nothing else, perhaps a book of your posts messing with people/comedic writing will bring many great joy? ;)

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  26. Bless you! I feel better knowing I'm not alone. I just got through that actual driving across the country just cause I can phase. It sort of worked, and then I landed across the country and had to start all over again. Personally, I think you are golden, and your snuggie jokes actually got me through a couple crippling finals weeks, so be proud of that contribution. (Life can be devoid of sleep as long as it isn't devoid of laughter, right?)

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  27. Thank you so much for not only sharing your laughs, but also your vulnerabilities. I am in the same lost boat i feel. I am 23, married, with a good job and a happy blessed life. But i sometimes question myself if i am making the right choices. These feelings make me want to run far away to a place like maybe Palau and forget life for awhile. But as you have shown, no matter where you are life follows with you with all her baggage. I think everyone goes through something like this. It is frightening not knowing what the future holds when so much of it is in front of you. The decisions we make today will directly affect our life in the future. Some of these choices we will regret, some we will be thankful for. The advice i give to myself is too stop making life so damn complicated. Life will happen, it will go on, there will be mistakes, there will be rejoices, and we will look back on these days with a smile. Feeling unsure about what you are doing with your life is so unnerving, but it is these moments that shape who we are and who we are becoming. It is the dark moments that make the beautiful ones so wonderful.

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  28. I feel the exact same as you. I am headed to college next year, with no clue if it is what I should be doing. I have no idea where my life will go and that fact scares me to death. I love plans. And the fact that I don't have a life plan is terrifying. I am honestly trusting God and trying to make decent decisions until I can figure out what I am supposed to do in this crazy life. Your not alone brotha!

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  29. Well, if it makes you feel any better, I thought I'd take a couple years off school and it was almost 15 years off before I went back.

    I think, as others have said, you need to find a fellow female stranger to travel the trail of life and marry and figure it out together with :-)

    Maybe after Palau you could go into private practice and write and publish on the side? Make public speeches for airline tickets? Say, I hear commercials for some new dating service in SLC :-)

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  30. Eli, there are things that we're not meant to know. Like why bugs always manage to fly in my ears when I'm running (I know you know how that feels. You ran in L-town too). I can't understand how they manage to calculate my speed and with theirs and choose the right trajectory or whatever to make it into my ear canal for their final flight before they die.

    You are not a bug. You are not headed for the ear canal of death. Still, you should buzz around and check out the world before you decide which runner to bother. There are lots to choose from.

    My real suggestion: write down a few "goals"--not plans. You can survive without plans. You need goals. They can even be vague, but they will help settle your mid-Palau panic. Believe me, I've been in the position: no idea where in the world you'll be and what you'll be doing in a matter of months. I've been there a few times, and it's scary. So, set goals to maintain your sanity.

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  31. I'm also 28 and going through the same thing. While everyone else is settling down in their personal and professional lives, I'm lost. It almost feels like everyone else's lives are moving forward and I'm just standing still. Just know that you are not alone in feeling the way you do. I think someday all of us confused late 20-somethings will find our way, it's just going to involve more bumps and detours than some of our peers.

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  32. What great advice you have received from your "strangers". They are absolutely correct! Live continues to throw challenges, experiences and trials in ones direction. This is all part of the experience of life. As you thoughtfully and prayerfully consider your future, things will fall into place...maybe not in your time frame but rather in Gods. This experiences/challenges can strengthen us or destroy us depending on how we respond to them. I have all the faith in the world in you. You are a very choice son! The best advice given is to find a young women to share your life with. Your victories, challenges and experiences. That is truly where you will fulfillment and joy. Never forget that we are always here for you. Dad

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    1. Sorry for the mis-spelled words.....It pays to proof read before sending!
      Life not live
      one's not ones
      These not this
      woman not women (I hope you will only marry one)
      Your victories/challenges and experiences, is truly where you will find fulfillment and joy

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  33. Lots of wise comments. I especially liked "breathe"! Also, with all your female followers you should be able to find a "stranger" and settle down. She will help you through the ups and downs of your life and you will feel at "home" as mentioned by someone in one of the comments listed above. You probably already know her...just think about it. Change can be hard but can be the best decision you make in hindsight. It may be the time to move forward, get out of the same patterns and grow up....which is what I think you are feeling... "growing up pangs" aka anxiety. Making changes...new job, new companion, new lifestyle, new pets, new friends, new place to live could open up a whole new arena of writing material for you.....and the way you write - that could be very exciting for all of us strangers!!

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  34. Are you freaking kidding me? I'm seventeen and don't know where I'm going to be in five months or what I'm even going to be doing as a matter of fact. But anyway, your saying this doesn't end!!! I'm going to go mad! And clingy. Sorry I have no advice for you, again still seventeen. And as awesome I believe you are having read ALL of your posts, you just made me slip. Into the pit of despair. I hope you have some good weekly destractions for this.

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  35. http://justaroundthiscorner.blogspot.com/2013/01/confessions-of-single-girl-part-3.html?m=1

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  36. Here's your calling in life Eli: A humorist, and columnist for a big magazine corp. You'd work out masterfully and you would probably make bank doing it too. Hang in there my uproarious friend.

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  37. Eli McCann, you are a beautiful human being. Things will work out for you in the end, and I know this because you are a man of many talents with a very positive outlook on life. You seem to be okay with going wherever life takes you and adjusting very well to these changes. Wherever you go, never stop writing. If you publish that book of yours, I will by copies for everyone I know, including myself. So there you go. Back up plan!

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  38. I started hating it when upon expressing my own anxieties similar to yours people around me said, "You can do ANYTHING!" I didn't want to do ANYTHING. I wanted to do SOMETHING. "Anything" is too big and scary. And I wanted someone to tell me what "something" was supposed to be.

    In my experience, life is kinda like that part in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade where Indy has to walk forward into what looks like a bottomless chasm. I hold out my leg, take a deep breath, and lean forward into a first step. And so far, God has always put a board under my foot. Right now, enjoy where you're at. There'll be a bridge to something else waiting for you when you're done.

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  39. I'm 36 years young, married and we have 6 kids. I can totally relate to how you are feeling...and I honestly thought that by now I would have it figured out by now! I think this is just part of the journey....:)

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  41. I love love love that there are so many thoughtful caring people from all different places in life that see a person in need of advice or a listening ear and can do so and respond so incredibly politely. This is one of those things that you hope to see on those year end posts about "restoring your faith in humanity" ANYWHO... Love it!

    I am 22, married, have kids (beautiful stepson who is 9 and a vibrant little nearly 3yo) point is no matter which comes first the queen of colors or the egg, there is ALWAYS that point in someone's life where they say "what in the world is next?!" I changed my major the 3 times in the first 3 semesters of school and have recently decided to go back to the industry I was working in prior to school. But no matter where you go or what you do if you enjoy the little things and are thankful to be alive then you are set!

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  42. Hi! I barely found your (or you're o.o?) blog an hour ago and am so happy that i read this post! I'm going to graduate from high school in a couple of months but I'm in the same boat as you. I don't know what I'm going to do if my acceptance letters get revoked, if i end up going to community college or if i end up going to a college that i don't absolutely love. If feels like my life will be decided within the next 8 days and i just feel so uncertain right now but I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm glad to see that I'm not the only one searching for a path :) thank you so much for posting this! -Ana

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  43. Hola! I just found this blog yesterday. So hilarious!! So you're the big 28, huh? Society has tried to scare everyone...like you should have it all figured out by the time you are 30. Well, life is a learning process and if you had it all figured out at 30, wouldn't life be boring? Also, when you think you have it all planned out, God has bigger and better plans for you. I think all you can do is have some goals, go for it, pray...then let go and let God. Yes, that might sound cheesy, but it's true! Buena Suerte!

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  44. What a beautiful view of religion! I love that. Thanks for the insight!

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  45. what a quaint metaphor at the end.
    neat!

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