Tuesday, January 1, 2013

Reality Check

Nothing says "Happy New Year" like going back to work on January 2. I am so grateful to have a job. But guys, it isn't right what they do. The people who control the holidays. I would like to find them and give them a good talking to. And the first thing I would say to them would be:

"Hey! Why did you place ALL of the holidays within the last two months of the year!?"

And they probably wouldn't even respond because they obviously aren't great planners so they're probably super disorganized. But if they did respond, I bet they would say:

"Um . . . sorry. We were trying to spread them all out so we started out really conservatively but then we got to November and realized we still had like 10 left."

And then I would back down and tell them they did a great job, considering. Because I'm a softy. And I hate making people feel like they failed. But then the next day I would go back to work again and immediately become full of rage and would try to have another talk with them. And this time, they for sure wouldn't respond because they're probably really busy and they can't keep having the same conversation with the same person. Which I totally understand.

But they, whoever they are, should have to come forward so that 300,000 million Americans can join the class action lawsuit against them. Because someone should be held responsible for this. Someone.

Because what happens is this: for basically two straight months, every other day is a holiday. And you get time off of work and school. And even when you don't have a day off, it's usually filled with holiday parties and good times anyway. So being at work is sort of like a vacation. And you're also in a constant state of weekends too because you never really work more than a few days at a time before getting a break so it always feels like the weekend is right around the corner.

And then BAM! The party is over. And do the wean you off of it? No. They do not. They don't simply decrease the amount of holidays. The holidays just stop, altogether. It's like getting kicked out of your parents' house at 18 and being cut off entirely. Except, less freedom instead of more.

They basically tell you to work every day for the next 7 months before giving you any more days off.

So there you all are, reading this, some of you "working" as we speak. You hummed Christmas tunes on your way to the office today. You enthusiastically said "Happy New Year!" to Susan when you walked passed the front desk. In the back of your mind you are half-expecting someone to stop by with a plate of cookies before noon.

And that's why I'm here. To give you your reality check. Because I don't want you to find out from someone else. I'm like the guy who just found out he has a terminal and highly contagious disease and who is rushing around to tell all of his friends he had contact with so they don't have to hear it from some stranger on the street first.

Because bad news should be shared by those you love.

And I love you. So I'm assuming you love me back. Because I don't do the one-way thing. Not since the Molly Jones mud throwing incident in the third grade.

And the bad news is this, in case you didn't catch it earlier:

The vacation is OVER. There is no happiness to be found in the near future. Only despair. There is no longer love and joy in the air. Just looming regret and insurmountable tasks from all the stuff we neglected to do over the past 2 months because we let "the magic of the season" convince us that the work was doing itself.

Those Christmas lights that are still on your house are no longer "mystical" or whatever you called them when you first put them up. They are now an eye-sore. And they, too, represent additional work.

The Christmas tree? Admit it. Yesterday you still thought it was charming. This morning you referred to it as "clutter" in your mind and vowed to never do a Christmas tree again.

I don't mean to be a Debbie Downer. I'm just trying to help slowly guide you down from that sugar and anti-reality high you're on because you just celebrated 2 months of treat heavy holidays. And I don't want to see you crash when the reality of a five-day work week hits you on Monday.

In the meantime, I'll do whatever I can to change things.

For starters, I hereby propose the creation of National Snuggie Day where you spend the entire day in a Snuggie at home. It will take place at the day of your choosing. You may place it whenever you want. But I suggest January. Because who wants to wait a whole month to feel the magic again?

~It Just Gets Stranger

29 comments:

  1. Would now be a good time to tell you that, on January 26th, we Down Under get to have a holiday for Australia Day? No? Okay...

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  2. As a stay at home mom I don't get a day off, ever. Lol! So no loss for me. I actually prefer the routine when the world is back at work. Routine keeps the little people calm. Still...I feel for you.

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  3. My 2 youngest children (don't know why I clarified that they were children..obviously I didn't usher the animals out the front door at 6:30am to catch the bus)just left for "first day back to school". I spent 30 minutes last night googling our school's name, desperately searching for the school calendar because there was some confusion in the household on when the holidays ended. I was right. Since all grocery money was spent on holiday fare for various family get togethers, my son ate Ramen Noodles for breakfast and I found a Take One candy bar that my husband hid on top of the fridge for my daughter. Back to the real world people.

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    1. I just wanted to say that i love that you clarified that you dont send the animals to school in the morning.

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    2. Agreed, on this blog it should be specified. You know, with emailing cats and all.

      I also love that you admitted to feeding your kids Ramen and a candy bar for breakfast. Apparently you and I are both out of the running for mom of the year by Jan 3rd, but honestly I'm fine with that. I'm unsure how you explained to your son that the daughter got the candy bar, but kudos for avoiding that sibling throw down. I was also unsure when school started until my ex mentioned something and I had to pretend I had everything prepped for school. I have a great fake "I got this" face!

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  4. US Federal Holidays include MLK Jr day in January and Presidents' Day in February. Then Easter falls anywhere from late March to early April. Memorial Day in May. You're really not doing so bad. :)

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    1. I guess I should clarify: In Palau, we don't even get that MLK Jr. day or Presidents' Day. Things are rough on the equator.

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    2. Only banks, schools and the government get MLK Jr. Day off, and in NH we call it "Civil Rights Day."

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  5. What's worse is having two weeks off completely and THEN having to go back to work, which I'm now heading out the door to...I don't even want to be awake :(.

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  6. This is making me really happy that I have a vacation in February. I got all the holiday fun AND I get to look forward to 2 weeks off of work.

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  7. I had a little crisis yesterday when I realized it was my last day off. . . so I spent half of New Years Day in bed. I was so lost as how to best use my last day of freedom, that I was paralyzed into indecision. Then I got up and baked cookies to have at work (healthy cookies, no sugar, to help my New Years Resolution of eating less sugar)to help ease myself off of the holiday treats. :) So I feel ya! I don't think I added enough chocolate chips though, to cover up the rest of the bannana cookie that has no sugar in it. So not only do we have no holidays but we are expected to be better people and make resolutions.

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  8. As a senior in high school with good grades and a good score on my PSAE I don't have to take finals and thus I have the good fortune to not have to attend school until monday while laughing at my friends who have to go make up finals that were cancelled before do to snow, meaning that not only did I not have to attend school on the days they were initially going to have finals I get 4 extra days of vacation do to the convenient placement of the first 2 days of school. And of course there are always school improvement days and more snow days, plenty of breaks left :) ... I'm really going to miss high school :( ... but on the other hand is it time to graduate yet?

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    1. I am in the same exact boat! I'm a senior too and I got finals off as well. Life's good. :)

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    2. indeed it is :)poor little kids with their silly tests

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  9. Amen, I totally agree Eli. January is so depressing because there is nothing exciting going on!!! Just boring old winter. I like to start my countdown to spring. It's almost like a Christmas count down. I make it all bright and cheery with bright and happy colors. I dream of warm sunshine, flip-flops, and shorts. It helps some.

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  10. I will just drink beer at work.

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  11. Well this is sure awkward! My break doesn't end til the 7th... But, I mean, I totally get what you're saying and I SO feel your pain n junk.

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  12. I realized the other day that I was going to have to work a whole TWO WEEKS before I got another day off (MLK Day). So I promptly caught a cold so I could have a sick day. If I don't die of this, I'll have MLK day off. March and April are dark, dark days for federal employees.

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    1. Careful. I tried this with the Swine Flu once and it almost ruined my life.

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  13. Make Snuggie day in March, no 4-day weekends (at least in the US) in March, and then we'll have a deal.

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  14. THIS. This is my life today. It's like you got all in my head.

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  15. K. So I've been stalking for a bit, but this important issue has de-lurked me into commenting.
    If you are going to speak to the powers-that-be, I would also like to ask you to mention that while spreading out the holidays, they also need to designate them to being on Thursdays. I have thought this all out. Because then, well, we may as well have Friday off. And then it's the weekend. And then every holiday can be four days off instead of just one. Thank you very much for your consideration of my two cents.

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  16. January feels like an entire month of Mondays. And I hate Mondays. It's a gigantic let-down of the best days of the year (Thanksgiving and Christmas and all the days surrounding those holidays).

    Actually, the let-down begins on December 31st. I've never really cared for New Years Eve, and I know that, even when I end up being social and ringing the new year in surrounded by loved ones (as well as a bunch of people I don't know), I know in the back of my mind that I'm counting down to January. Welcoming it, even, because it's kinda-sorta disguised under the ruse of a New Year and a Fresh Start.

    Suck in, January!

    Oh, but wait! I went snowboarding for the first time of my life yesterday, and I kinda loved it! So...maybe this January will suck a bit less? Because I'll be boarding a couple more times this month?

    And also, I have Snuggie Day to look forward to. (I own one because my dad got hypnotized one night and bought four.)

    Happy New Year, Eli!

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  17. Eli, you are as cute as a button!

    And guess what: I read all of your posts to my cat, Quincy, and just the other day she said, "That fella is the cat's meow!" She's a super big fan, and I have to tell you, she has way high standards, like, for reals.

    Anywho, I may be way off base here, but I would bet you have oodles of energy. Don't you think you'd get bored and miss lawyering if you were away from it any longer?

    Besides, Palauan law isn't going to write itself, Mister!

    Remember, "Big or small, there's a difference only YOU can make." (there's a prize for whomever can guess which Barbie movie that's from).

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    1. I second the notion that Eli has oodles of energy. And just for the record, I think Quincy has excellent taste, for serious!

      Julie Dorris

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    2. Is the Barbie movie the 12 Dancing Princesses?

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    3. Ding ding ding! Jonathan, you are super amazingly correct!

      I shall inform Quincy of your Barbie movie guessing skills di-rectly. She's going to decide what your prize is :)

      Just out of curiosity, Jonathan, do you prefer it when the princesses dance in their long dresses, or in their short ballet skirts? And also, which princess is your favorite, and why?

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  18. I work a rotational job 2 weeks on/2 weeks off. :-) Half the year is my vacation by your interpretation. During those 2 weeks, I am working 12 hr days and living in dorm-style housing, but I have a lot of time off. You could always get a job like mine.

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