Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Yahoo! Answers VII

Hi Strangers. Today I have a new set of Yahoo Answers for your reading pleasure. It seems like only yesterday I posted that first question about how to alter a Snuggie to make it more fashionable. Sometimes I can't believe how much time I spend on this crap.

Question 1: How can I dye my cat without making a huge mess? My cat is a natural ginger, so obviously I have to dye her a different color. The problem is, every time I do she freaks out and makes a mess all over the house. I don't want to have to give her away. Is there anything I can do?

1. Report yourself to the SPCA for animal cruelty! ~Elizabeth

2. DO NOT DYE YOUR CAT!!! Aside from the experience traumatizing her ("every time" you do "she FREAKS OUT"---does that not tell you that it UPSETS her?!) It is also toxic. Her skin not only absorbs the dye but she also ingests it from licking herself. This is animal cruelty & you ARE breaking the law. You should not have her or any pet at this time. This demonstrates great immaturity & insensitivity. You are causing her great mental stress & physical suffering. Please, please stop. Please find her a safe home where she won't be forced to endure this any more. ~T


3. I totally understand your issue here, i too had this same problem. Eloise was also a ginger, but i couldn't get rid of my favorite girl. She looks great now with a mocha base with golden highlights. Let me tell you, the highlights were the worst. She just has no patience what so ever. What i did was shut ourselves in the bathroom so if she got away she only got the bathroom messy. :) I have one of those showers with the sliding doors, made everything so much easier when i sat down with her on the shower floor and started on her hair. she looks super beautiful! good luck on your adventure. ~Lei

4. As a natural ginger myself, I can understand why she would freak out. You're trying to mess with perfection, and as such, your cat will retaliate...either by biting off your pinky toes in middle of the night, or by some other, equally messed up way. So really, since you've already tried dying her...there's only one thing you can do: Run, run for you life. She will look for you, she will find you, and she will kill you. ~A

5. Obviously you need to find a new home for this cat and get yourself a stuffed animal in the color of your choice. ~Reena


Question 2: Can I sue Lady Gaga for stealing my music? I just wrote a song and it took me like 2 hours and when I got done I realized that it sounded like Lady Gaga's Poker Face song (mine is called Joker Race). Can I sue her for taking my ideas?

1. hahahahahaha . . . . . . HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! ~runner1

2. I'm terribly sorry but hers came first and your song isn't on the market either. ~Tara

3. How could she possibly have "taken" your idea if hers was first? You would have the burden of proving that it WAS your idea and that it had been misappropriated from someone who had access to your secret ideas. You would also have to prove that this misappropriation and misuse caused you actual damages. ~bcnu


Question 3: How do you know when it's time to put your cat down? I've had my cat, Trixy, for about 3 years. She's getting to be a lot of responsibility because I have to find someone to keep an eye on her when I go out of town. At what point is the burden big enough to justify putting her down?

1. If your cat is not sick then to have her Euthanized is definitely not necessary. A cat can live for up to and exceeding 12 years old (generally inside cats) if you cannot accept the responsibility of an animal (they are just like having children) then you can always take her to your local humane society and they can re-home her. ~nmb

2. what putting a animal to sleep should not be because you need to have some body wacht her whall you are gone you wouldnt kill you kid for haveing to have a baby sitter putting an animal to sleep should only be done if the animal is in savaer pain s and isnt going to live a quailty life give that poor cat to some one that can take care of her ~Morgan

3. This is disgusting to me. How would you feel if someone had a small child and couldnt handle taking care of him/her anymore so they killed it. That's a horrable thing. Unless your cat is in utter pain and can hardly hold on to her final strands of live you don't need to put her down. Send her to a home that actually will love and care for her. Responsibility and all. And next time you decide to consider taking the responsibility for another life, cat, dog, or human, really think about how your going to sustain it. Because that question shows how irresponsible you really are. ~Christina

4. you are one sorry excuse of a cat owner! you dont put a cat down for being out of town!! take him to the shelter and rehome him or give him away. ~Erika

5. What??? So you don't want her anymore so you want to kill her.... OMG why not just bring her to the shelter or rehome her DUH... The only good reason to euthanize an animal is if they are sick and suffering. I hope you never ever get another pet again as obviously you are not responsible enough SHAME ON YOU. ~LOTRfan


Question 4: What is the best self-defense against cat attacks? My cat Trixy has become more and more abusive against me and I'm starting to not feel safe in my own home. I saw the J-Lo movie "Enough" recently and I think I might start training but I don't even know where to start.

1. Lol. I'm not sure if you're just playin around or if this is really funny. If your serious: Try to protect your face with your arms. If you can, try to kick/push the cat away if it's really scratching and biting you bad. If you have to.. hit it as hard as you can to get it off (only in extreme scenarios). If it's about to attack you, stick up your arms above your head, stand on your tippy toes and start jumping towards it making loud noises. Hopefully this will scare the cat away. ~Bobby

2. Lol you should take her back to the pet shop if she is really mean my cats are both the sweetest things in the world but I would not hit the cat or abuse the cat because it would make things so much worse. Make scary noises and do not hurt the cat once again! Hoped I helped a bunch! ~Morgan

3. Some cats are ferrel cats. That means they are wild and want to live out in the open only. I did have a cat like you described and no one was safe. I have to say, he was quite a character. A lot of animals do settle down after getting fixed. Some cats and dogs won't settle right away but usually, most animals "mature" at around four years old. Good luck. ~dja

4. Your cat thinks you're a wimp. Learn how to fight back. I don't mean hit her or anything but show some confidence around your cat or it will think you're it's b#&$h all it's life ~Steve


Question 5: Is my cat going to be ok? I was dancing with my cat Trixy on the roof of my building (10 stories high) and we were doing one of those moves where I flip her over my back and she got carried away and fell off the building. Then 2 trucks ran over her. I started driving her to the ER but she fell out of my car on the way because the door came open. I have her soaking in a scalding hot bath now. Could she recover from this?

1. What the. ~Tom

2. You need to be more careful. I'm so sorry but Trixy is not going to live after all of that. The fall alone probably killed her.  ~Jani

3. Yes. She'll be fine. Don't let her use this as an excuse to get out of work. Cats are known for that kind of behavior.  ~Joel

4. I bet she fell off the roof! More like you put her down because you don't like the responsibility when you go on vacation!  ~Christina
 
~It Just Gets Stranger

31 comments:

  1. Question 5 hahahahaha! It reminded me of the story about your Stormtrooper's broken windows and your friend Daniel almost falling out of it while driving. Thank you.

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    1. Yeah, how many times could Trixy be legitimately replaced by Daniel?!

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  2. Do I feel worse for Trixy, or the people who think you're serious and give well thought out (yet grammatically heinous)sincere replies? It's such a toss up. (Trixy wins.)

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  3. Question 5: Trixy will be fine. She has at least 4 lives left.

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  4. The very fact that Christina kept tabs on your questions and called you out on your "accidental" cat-tastrophe (I know, I'm sorry, but I had to) has me practically rolling on the floor!

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  5. OK. Here's the deal. So, I actually DO dye animals. Like, for real. Mostly BECAUSE I think it is so ridiculous. I dye my friend's housepets when I take care of them while they are on vacation. It usually gets me out of watching them again the next time they leave. And if not, maybe hot pink wasn't dramatic enough. The second time they usually come home to a rainbow pet. Side note: I only dye white fur. I don't bleach animals...

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  6. Hahaha I can't believe Christina answered question 5 too haha she's keeping tabs on you! And I actually think you can get PETA safe dye to dye animals with...We found horse safe paint and as a prank painted my friends white horse green on St. Patricks day :P

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  7. Oh my god......i just spat on my own face whilst laughing! Soooo glad people like you exist....I'd look like a right odd-ball if it was only me in the world with this sense of humour! :-P

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  8. Question 5 killed it! And Christina's answer made my day! I think she is on to you Mr. Eli. Once again a great post that will probably get me fired today for laughing hysterically while there is an executive meeting going on.

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  9. Morgan is not the sharpest tool in the shed.

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  10. Eli, no matter how many points Yahoo! tells you that you lose, promise me you will never stop asking these. People like Lei from the first Q and Bobby from the fourth have GOT to have a place in the world. And without a doubt, their place is right alongside your questions, giving advice and naive sincerity to even the most obvious of jokes.

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  11. Question 5 had tears rolling down my face and I almost peed my pants...must remember to use the restroom before I read your posts! I haven't laughed this hard since....the last time I read your blog. Love it!

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  12. The grammar Nazi in me really came out whilst reading this... I even started screaming at my cats in German! Even though I was screaming "ICH LIEBE DICH!!!" (I love you) they got pretty scared and ran out on the tenth story roof. They are now threatening to jump unless I apologize in German but my Great Grandpa Sauerkraut only ever taught me how to say "I love you." HELP!!!

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  13. HAHAHA This made my day! You are awesome!

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  14. You know that Lei is just Eli mixed up.

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  15. haha dude you are warped.

    i love that people take it so seriously.

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  16. http://www.amazon.com/Why-Paint-Cats-Ethics-Aesthetics/dp/1580082718

    Just sayin'...

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  17. Question 4 Answer 1...AMAZING!!! Where are these people?! I need them in my life!!

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  18. I loved the bit about being inspired by "Enough." Put that abusive cat in its place!

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  19. I saw an ad on tv today that made me think of you and your blog. It was for the "Catdance" film festival being held by Fresh Step cat litter. Yay?

    http://www.freshstep.com/promotions/catdance-festival/

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  20. If I had been drinking when I read question 5, I would have spit-laughed my beverage all over my computer I laughed so hard. That was hilarious!

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    1. I was eating a bowl of cereal. . . .

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  21. I laughed so much at #5, my son got out of his bed (keep in mind he's 13 & its a loft bed, so that's a lot of work). He thought I was crying but I was just laughing like a lunatic. Then he called me a lunatic, which made me cry, which made him laugh. Full circle.

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  22. I usually just read these posts and laugh but #5 got me laughing so hard I began to cry and then crying so much I couldn't breathe and began to choke. So here I sit laughing, crying and choking all at the library. Oh dear....

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  23. Thank goodness for Morgan - she helped a whole bunched!

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  24. pahahahahahaha it cracks me up that people think he is serious... lmao

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  25. OOHhhh MYY ...hahahahahaa, Its 4:30 in Buenos Aires Argentina, cant sleep, having nightmares its a very stressful time in my life and I just find you on the internet, Im laughing so hard I think I'm gonna wake my husband any minute now...Thank you!!!

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