Monday, March 25, 2013

Someone is a Liiiiitle Selfish with His Clothes

Yesterday I got back from the beach, took a shower, and then threw on the first clothes I could find in a pile of laundry that hadn't been folded yet. Daniel was making a quick trip to the grocery store and I wanted to go with him because I don't think he should go places alone. Daniel is very late for everything and is rarely in a hurry to get anywhere except for on the rare occasion that I need him to wait a minute. This was one of those rare occasions, and I was rushed by the impatient screaming and key jiggling coming from the front door.

We got into the store and that's when it all went down.

Daniel: Why are you wearing my flip flops, which are a full SEVEN sizes too big for you?

Eli: Because I can't find any of mine.

Daniel: And my shorts?

Eli: I don't know. They were just sitting there and they looked comfy.

Daniel: And my sunglasses?

Eli: Sharing is caring, Daniel.

Daniel: You're also wearing my shirt.

Eli: Ok, to be fair, you gave me this shirt because you said it doesn't fit you.

Daniel: No. I did not. And that shirt obviously doesn't fit you.

Eli: Actually it does. Or it will when I have it tailored.

Daniel: You will not do that.

Eli: No seriously. It's no trouble at all. And don't you dare try to pay for it! This one is on me!

Daniel: That is so not what I was protesting. You will not tailor any of my clothes to fit your misshaped body.

Eli: Well. We'll just have to agree to disagree.

Daniel: No. This isn't one of those things where you can just agree to disagree. I'm twice your size. We don't share clothes. It wouldn't be fair because I couldn't wear yours.

Eli: Sorry. This is just the price for being my friend. It's a friend tax. Half of my clothes belonged to friends of mine at one point or another.

Daniel: And you just took them?!

Eli: Well anything sounds bad when you say it with that tone, Daniel. Any of these friends are welcome to wear the clothes as well if they want to borrow them. I'm not like you. I share.

Daniel: How can someone with as many boundaries and personal space issues as you be so comfortable taking other people's clothes and wearing them?

Eli: What can I say? I know what I like, and I take.

Daniel: You should come with a warning label when people meet you. A LONG warning label.

Eli: Oh my gosh. I just realized I've been using your phone all day. HOW DID I NOT NOTICE THAT!?

Daniel: Ugh. I don't even want to know whose underwear you're wearing right now.

Eli: Ha! Nobody's!

Daniel: . . . you can keep the shorts.

Eli: [whispering] yes!!!

~It Just Gets Stranger

17 comments:

  1. Laughing so hard right now!!! Daniel is so selfish!

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  2. That is two underwearless posts in a row. I am sensing a pattern here...

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    1. Maybe we should start a charity for Eli? He needs our help.

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    2. I agree. He needs some underwear!

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  3. You seriously have a problem with wearing your clothes.

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  4. My little sister is much worse. One Christmas she wrapped up my older sister Ginny's sweater, put "from Ginny to Rachel" on the tag, and opened it on Christmas morning. Ginny was pretty confused because Rachel was playing it totally straight :)

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  5. Seven sizes too big?? lol

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  6. Seriously.....I just want to live on your couch and observe you guys all day....Oh, and dive. I'll observe you when I'm not diving. :-)

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  7. You better be careful, before you know it, Daniel may leave all your things on the curb to be "shared."

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  8. I love eavesdropping on your conversations, keep em coming!

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  9. Best lines, for those who want the cliffnotes version (why anyone wouldn't want to read the whole thing, I don't know, but just in case, my favorite lines) - "Well anything sounds bad when you say it in that tone, Daniel." "You should come with a warning label when people meet you." "...you can keep the shorts."

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  10. Well Daniel like I always say in times like this, Twice up the barrel; once down the side.

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  11. I hate it when my wife gets THAT tone.

    Somebody is going to have a full closet soon.

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  12. Well you only have one shirt anyway so I think Dan should be more understanding...

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  13. I don't mind sharing my clothes most of the time, but...

    I had a roommate my same height, but who easily had 50-60 pounds on me, and I'd occasionally catch her wearing, like, cardigans and sweaters of mine.

    I don't like people borrowing my clothes when they stretch them out, and then said cardigan never fits me the same way again.

    Anyway. Daniel needs to learn to share. At least you're not stretching them out.

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  14. That is two underwearless posts in a row. I am sensing a pattern here...
    http://www.apparelnbags.com/sport-tek/index.htm

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