Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Yahoo! Answers IX

It's been too long guys. So I went to Yahoo! Answers to get some feedback on more of life's most important questions. And as usual, the strangers of the world did not disappoint.

Special thanks to Lora. Bless you.

Question 1: Can Cats commit adultery? My cats Trixy and Mr. Biggles have been married for about one year and I recently discovered that Trixy has not been faithful and now I'm worried that she won't go to heaven with us because the Bible says you can't commit adultery. Does the Bible apply to cats too?

1.  Not really. ~Max

2. Seriously kid? Seriously? Even if the bible was real it doesn't apply to non-humans! ~Awesome Guy

3. Yes. Jerry Springer is the next step. Maybe Maury. ~Meow

4. Since cats don't get married, I don't see how adultery could apply to them. You might be interested to know that cats are not mentioned in the Bible at all (unless you count lions).  ~Gary C

5. Humans, frankly, are more intelligent in a way than other animals. Humans can think and know that adultery according to the Bible is wrong, so according to the Christian religion, anyone who has committed adultery and hasn't repented is punished. Cats, however don't realize that adultery is wrong. Like really, you can't read the Bible to your cat and teach them what's wrong and what's right. Therefore, I seriously doubt that the Bible applies to cats.  ~Corri


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Question 2: Cat somehow got into the drier!?! My cat Trixy somehow got into the drier when I put in a bunch of clothes from the washing machine. I'm so devastated over this. The clothes were mostly new and now they all smell like a burnt cat. Is there any way to make the smell go away?

1. OMG YOU CARE MORE ABOU THE CLOTHES THAN YOUR CAT?!?!?! TAKE YOUR CAT TO THE VET!  ~Fiona

2. I hear you. My cat completely destroyed my blender once. I was pissed. ~Delray

3. what is your matter i really hope you think about what you are sying because your cat is more importint from your cloths i realy hope that you fall in a dryer and you will see how its like and your cat is worryed that your smell like cat cloths and then youl see thats all i want to say to you goodby! ~Lora

4. Just dry them again but throw a dog in there. It will cancel out the cat smell. ~Todd

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Question 3: Can anyone tell me what a haiku is?
I am frustrated.
No one will define haiku.
I just need some help.

[Many long detailed explanations of haikus. Nobody seemed to catch this one. Fail?]

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Question 4: Does the cat urine diet really make you live longer? I've been doing the cat urine diet for three months now and I don't feel like I've increased my life span hardly at all. How long do you have to keep doing it before you can see results?

1. I've never heard of anything called the cat urine diet if u ask me u made it up, and wat do u even do? Drink cat pee and live longer?!? Wth? ~Alex

2. Of course that doesn't work. Because you have to drink it TWICE a day. You should probably drink it five times every day to make up for lost time. ~Jones

3. i hop you drank all the cat pee from the cat you put in dryer because you dont even get to drink it anymor if the cat is in dry so hahahaha you shud have ben closer mor carful befor you cared about your cloths to much haha!  ~Lora

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Question 5: Why do my neighbors hate cats and themselves so much? I have over 200 cats. Don't worry! It's a big house (2500 sq ft or so). Recently I took in 25-27 more because every cat deserves a good home. Well now my neighbors are trying to have them all taken away from me. Why is it their business!? Why do they hate cats!? Could I sue all of my neighbors for hate crimes against us?

1. Absolutely. It happens all the time. ~Matlin

2. Yes, you should sue. I want a ticket to watch that trial.  ~Gary C

3. It doesn't matter how large the house is. There are usually laws about how many cats 1 person can own, and I'm going to go out on a limb and say that anyone with 200 cats has an animal hoarding issue. Surrender some to the SPCA and let them go to loving homes where they won't be over crowded. I'm sure your heart is in the right place by trying to help these cats, but there is no way each and every cat is being treated properly. (Ie. food, water, shelter, up to date vaccines, spaying and neutering, routine check ups and flea medication). ~Sarah

4. You shouldn't sue your neighbors. They might not hate cats, they might be worried about them and you. If a single person owns a lot of cats (like you do) there is a possibility that some cats might be neglected, regardless how big your home is. You might also become very stressed because you're focused on providing a good home for the cats, which isn't a good thing. Every cat does deserve a good home, but you can't save all of them. I suggest finding good homes for most of the cats you have, and giving some of them to animal shelters. ~Corri

5. Why do you need so many though? If one of em gets sick they'll all get sick and so will you. You'll probably have ring worm one day. But it's your choice i guess. You should just take every cat you own and put them on top of your neighbor's house, just to see what their reaction would be. Actually no, ever play kitten cannon? Well I think you know where I'm going with this one. You should put them in cat tuxedos and pretend to have a cat church service outside when your neighbors are outside.  ~Zach

~It Just Gets Stranger

26 comments:

  1. I love all of you messing with people posts!!!!please do more. I don't think I have laughed so hard

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  2. This has taught me to never look at hate comments the same way again.(:

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  3. I missed yahoo answers! So glad it was back today :)

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  4. I want to adopt Lora. She is probably SO fun to talk to.

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  5. It's interesting that Corri assumes you're single. Are people in relationships not allowed to have tons of cats?!

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    1. I think she meant "single" as in "one person."

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  6. OMG I can't stop laughing! The cat in the dryer is GOLD. Thanks, Eli!

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  7. Well that's just perfect! Now I find out about the 2 times a day cat pee thing.

    I have to drink that stuff 42 times, ever day, just to catch up.

    Seriously, Eli, you should probably have asked that question a long time ago.

    Here kitty, kitty, kitty...

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  8. lol, I so love it! Lora reminds me of the Snuggie texts. I do hope you sent her a link to Stranger after you were done messing with her, that is, if you are done messing with her, mahaha!

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  9. You should put them in cat tuxedos and pretend to have a cat church service outside when your neighbors are outside.

    Loved this comment

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  10. Lolololol!!!!!!!

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  11. I should not have taken a drink of juice right before question #2.
    Great start to the day. :D

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  12. The haiku was funny
    even if others don't think so
    Don't stop trying

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  13. I loved the haiku question. It made me giggle ...

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  14. This is awesome, I definitely liked the Haiku one! Have you seen that YouTube video about the girl that is doing a eharmony video introduction and starts going off about how much she loves cats? This post reminded me of it. If you haven't you should watch it eventually, when you get better internet.

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  15. I don't understand the Haiku joke. Someone explain please.

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    1. If you read the words,
      You are reading a haiku.
      Now you understand.

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  16. I'm curious. Is the cat urine diet a wink at the HCG diet—the one me and the BFF call the HCP diet? (They get the HCG from pregnant women's pee, if you didn't know). Thanks for the giggles. :)

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  17. Wow, I almost just spewed hamburger through my nose. Yeah, awful. That was so funny.

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  18. The haiku one is totally my favorite. I laughed so hard. That was a day maka.

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  19. Lora should definitely make it in the "Tellin' It Like It Is" list. She has a point!

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  20. Zach in question 5 is prophetic. Although I'm not sure you got ringworm from 200 cats. But maybe you did!

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