Sunday, June 16, 2013

A Post About Nothing

First of all, it's a Father's Day miracle! Dean received enough votes to make it to Ironman Kona. His family is bouncing off of the walls with excitement. Thank you all so much for voting and caring. You've helped make some good people very happy.

Now, this is a post about nothing. Because it can't be a post about anything because everything I want to tell you right now, I am basically forbidden from telling you. So many secrets. There are like four things happening in my life at this moment that I want to share with you. But I can't.

And I'm not just doing this to further anger that Stranger who anonymously gets mad at me in the comments of every post about how vague I apparently am on Stranger, even though I share almost every detail of my life here every day with tens of thousands of people I don't know.

Hey, angry Stranger. This isn't Facebook. I can be vague on Stranger. Stranger loves vague. Vague is the new full-disclosure.

The reason I can't share with you all of the things I want to share with you is because it's just not the right time. And having to keep this stuff to myself is KILLING me. Because I so want to discuss every bit of it with you and get your thoughts. This is going to be a very hard week because I AM SERIOUSLY THE WORST AT KEEPING SECRETS.

Don't EVER tell me something that you want to stay between us. You have been warned. It will not stay between us. Despite my very best efforts, it will not stay between us.

The good news is that I don't have to wait too long to tell you most, if not all, of things I want to tell you. In fact, I should be able to share with you some good stories at the beginning of next week. But until then, I'm going to feel like a kid the week before Christmas.

A lot of this is about Daniel's birthday, which is this weekend (he's turning 14). And although he doesn't read Stranger because he hates being happy, I can't share this here. Because SURPRISES. Apparently surprises are good and it's worth it to keep some things to yourself. So I'm told.

So, since I can't share with you right now some of the secrets I am DYING to share with you, I will try to get it out of my system by sharing with you some things I have never shared with anyone:

Things Eli Has Never Shared With Anyone

1. When I was 12 years old I was camping in a friend's backyard with three other kids and I wet the sleeping bag so much that it seeped over onto someone else's bag. I woke up soaked in my urine at about 2:00AM. I immediately gathered my things and left. When I got home I realized that they were going to wake up, smell urine, see that I was gone, and know what had happened. So I changed my clothes, got a different sleeping bag, and went back. When the morning came the whole thing was blamed on the friend whose bag had pee on it.

2. When I was about 13 years old I accidentally let a wild bird into a neighbor's house when I was bringing in the mail because they were out of town. And I was scared of it so I just shut the door and left.

3. When I was 5 I pooped my pants and convinced a cousin to trade me underwear so everyone would think he did it. And I STILL cannot believe this worked.

That was actually really satisfying. Ok, your turn. Admit to us something you've never told anyone! Free yourself of your secrets!

~It Just Gets Stranger

82 comments:

  1. Haha. Wow, those are some interesting secrets..Frightening actually. I pooped my pants once in the first grade when we were doing computers because the teacher was out of the room and I didn't want to go to the bathroom without asking for permission first. I was a good kid. I don't remember what happened after that. That actually might have been a dream. I don't know if it really happened.. Anyways, thank you for those secrets. Keep them coming until you can tell your other secrets.

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  2. Last summer on Pioneer Day I peed on a church parking lot (that's right you're not the only one). I held it for way too long (because I will let all my organs burst inside of me before using a public restroom) and right before I got to my car, I guess I was so excited to finally make it to the car, I could not hold it anymore and it just came out without me actually doing ANY effort. My friend Nicole got on her knees on the grass and started pointing and laughing at me like no one has ever laughed at me before. I kept saying "Oh my gosh Nic, I'm 24, I can't believe this!!!" And she would turn around every 10 seconds or so and tell me "keep peeing(?) hahaha...". I then had to drive back home completely soaked in pee and I had to throw away my favorite leather wedges :( Nicole on the other hand, as a punishment for mocking me, is now serving a mission in Tilapita, Guatemala. :-) Who's laughing now?!?!?!

    PS: I may or may have not created a baby registry under your name on Target.com...
    Uh-oi!! I wasn't supposed to tell you that... How do you go back and delete stuff after you type it?? -Flo

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  3. I peed my pants last year (age 24) when I got startled by my roommate. And I'm a man. And I have been mocked for almost one full year now by all of the many many people he has told. So I guess it's not really a secret but I thought this is as good of a place as any to share it.

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  4. Well since we're on the pee the pants stories, I peed my pants on a first date once because I was too shy to ask the guy to pull over when we got stuck in a bad traffic jam. Yup. I was sitting in his car when it happened. We did not have a second date. I did not show my face to other people for 3 weeks.

    Dying to know what you're not telling us!

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  5. The comments are as funny as the post!

    I peed my pants in the first grade and tried to tell my teacher that I spilled orange juice all over myself. Then someone in the class yelled out, "why does your orange juice smell like pee?" Cover blown.

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  6. You guys are awesome. I don't have a pee story, but I did throw up a lot when I was young: I was a very shy girl, and instead of running from the room when I suspected I was about to be sick (in 2nd or 3rd grade, I don't remember-- I had the same teacher both years), I got in line with other kids waiting by the teacher's desk for her to look at their papers. I got to the front of the line, opened my mouth to ask if I could go to the bathroom, and BLEARGH!! I vomited all over her desk. My proudest moment. I threw up at least one other time in school and once at church.

    This feels more like "most embarrassing moments" than secrets.

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  7. Omg, that is wonderful news about Dean...I'm so happy avoiding my work to hit refresh and VOTE NOW all week paid off!! His story is very inspirational and I will be cheering him on from Canada...GO DEAN!!

    I'm dying to hear your secrets!! You could just tell me....I won't tell anyone...I swear!

    ~T

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  8. First of all, hahaha hahaha! Okay, now that I got that of my chest,I have my own pee camping tale... I was probably 7 or 8, and my mom had pitched the tent in the backyard to camp with us. I never, repeat never, had to get up in the middle of the night for a potty break, but wouldn't you know it I had to that night. Woke up in dire need of emptying my bladder and when I crouched at the entrance to unzip the tent, the pressure was just too great and everything came rushing out. Unfortunately that is the place my mom's pillow and consequently her head, was resting! I thought for sure I was in big trouble, so I just started to cry. Fortunately for me, she wasn't mad.

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  9. I'm not sharing my secrets bec. as someone once said "Vague is the new full-disclosure" I am SOOOO going to use this in real life. Once up the barrel and twice down the side.

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  10. My Secret is that I started a blog - partly because of you! http://misskityshouse.blogspot.com/ Just started it so there are only a couple of posts - but I have to start somewhere right! Thanks for inspiring me!

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  11. When I was in second grade I was in the cafeteria at school and was joking around with some friends. I laughed so hard I peed a little. Later the teacher and principal questioned me about it and I told them I spilled the juice from my peaches. They didn't believe me and sent me to the high school Home-Ec room so the teacher could provide a change of clothes and wash my other clothes. The same Home-Ec teacher was there when I got in high school and would always say "I remember our little secret from years ago."

    Also...not a pee story, but once some groups from our school went to a water park as a field trip (because back in the late 90's to 2000 or so, not all field trips had to be educational). I was wearing my first two piece and came down a BIG slide (nearly straight up in the air)...when I came down, I knocked an old man down and realized my top had flown up to reveal my breasts...which were in his face. haha

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  12. In the 8th grade I farted in class, and i thought I had hid it well until the boy beside me called it out to everyone at our table. He was a bully and a jerk and I resented him to this day for embarassing me. But I've since then moved away and I thought, "i'll never have to see him again, I've moved past this". Now i'm in a serious relationship with someone I grew up with, from that same class...and is best friends with this fart-revealing guy. And I found myself face-to-face with him the other month, and it was as if despite all the great things that have in my life since then, all I could think about was how this guy heard me fart over 10 years ago.

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    Replies
    1. Confront him and demand an apology. In my experience this works and is good closure. Good luck.

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    2. And if he refuses to apologize hold his head under the covers & you know, FART.

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  13. I work with construction crews every now and then (I'm an engineer and every now and then I have to go out and make sure the project is being constructed correctly). Well, one day I was wearing tight pants that didn't fit all that well and I refused to acknowledge that I gained weight and they didn't fit anymore. I bent over to measure something and my pants split right up the backside. Exposing my girly underwear to the whole construction crew. It was mortifying. I had to leave the project and go buy pants at Walmart, all while I was trying to hide the rip with a shirt tied around my waist.

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  14. Hey, Eli. This is just between you and me, so don't tell anyone, okay? I secretly wish I were a Mormon lawyer working in Palau. Your life just seems so much better than mine. I have to wear actual shoes to my job.

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    Replies
    1. plus, I did NOT link that Macy's ad to my post. I think Leotrix may have gotten into the internets.

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  15. I'm still getting teased about this one... My then boyfriend, now husband, has a problem with gas, he farts A LOT! So one evening, he was cleaning out a closet sized room I'd been asking him to clean out for months, I decided to get revenge for his smelly bombs. I was in the doorway of the room and felt a big fart coming on, so I turned around to let it go. Unfortunately more then just gas came out. I thought he'd pee himself he laughed so hard. He said the look on my face was almost as funny as the fact that I pooped my pants!

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    Replies
    1. I literally laughed out loud! I can't wait to tell this to my husband (I'm the gassy one in our house)!

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  16. I told my little brother to stick his finger in a manual lawn mower... and he did. Whoops.

    You'd think that fully-grown adult brothers wouldn't be so impressionable. Lies. He was 2 and I was 4. I'm a terrible person.

    Also my mom reads this blog so now she'll ground me.

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  17. When I was in the 4th grade, I had a mean teacher, and I was terrified of her. She also made me hate science, ruining any future I might have had in that field. After that year, I went to a private school for the 5th grade because I hated that school year so much. One of her many rules, was no whistling. One day we were putting away books and it was noisy and lots of shuffling and the teacher yells "Who is whistling?!" And we all freeze and look around for the whistler. And I realized it was me! I had just learned to whistle and must have been doing it without realizing. Now I was a very timid child, I never knowingly broke rules, if anyone even looked at me wrong or raised their voice slightly above a normal level I would start crying. My parents never had to ground me, they would just say they were disappointed or raise their voice in the slightest and I would cry and send myself to my room. So to have to face this terrifying, yelling, crazy woman was so horrifying to me. If I had realized it was me who was whistling immediately, I probably would have admitted it. But when no one confessed immediately her voice had raised to a shriek and she was pacing around the room. So I never confessed! She made the whole class miss several recesses while we sat with our heads down while she ranted about not whistling in class and all the punishments she was going to give us if no one confessed. All my classmates were furious because missing recess was the worst thing in the world to a 4th grader. A boy who usually is the one whistling in class finally said it was him. No one ever suspected me because I was the perfect little child. To this day I regret letting him take the punishment for me and I have always been very nice to him even though he is kind of a weird. I learned that lesson, but still have not learned to not cry when someone gets mad at me.

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    1. OMG!! This is like my exact story! I was in 4th grade with a mean (math) teacher who told us not to hum, and I accidentally hummed without thinking, and she went crazy trying to get us to say who hummed! I was terrified and I never said anything, so she gave us all detention. I still feel so bad that I let the whole class get detention! I can't believe your story is so similar to mine! hahaha!

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  18. In the 2nd grade I was jump roping when my overalls fell down in front of my best friend and a boy I had a crush on. To this day, I have not worn overalls since.

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  19. WOAH WOAH WOAH...You can't just end number 2 like that. WHAT HAPPENED TO THE BIRD!?!?!?

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    Replies
    1. I was wondering the same thing!

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  20. Let me make a plea with you, man to man. New blog post telling the whole bird in house story. That is awesomeness just waiting to be written.

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  21. Oh Dear! The first confession/secret! That kinda happened to me! I peed on the blanket at night and my cousin got the blame. Still ashamed of it!
    Plus Daniel's b'day's in June ?!! Yay! funky people, June born babies turn out to be!

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    Replies
    1. So true! I have a sister that was born in June and she is a little bit different than the rest of our family. (But ya gotta love family)

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  22. When I was i the fourth grade, I was asked to help another kid with his work. So I went to sit by him. After a few minutes, we started goofing off (we were in the 4th grade! what do you expect?!) we started throwing little pieces of pencil lead at one of my friends who was sitting in front of us. my friend started getting annoyed at us and when he turned around to see who was doing it, i pointed at the other kid and blamed it on him. my friend immediately proceeded to tattle on the other kid and he got detention for it. These days, I work for the district judge in our area and the boy who got detention is a regular repeat offender. And I always wonder if that first stint in detention (courtesy of me) gave him a taste for prison. :$ surely not, right? please tell me no!

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    1. The possibility is there, but I doubt it. I mean, if that was the case, we'd almost all be criminals. There must have been something there before or after that would have turned him into what he is today. In any case you can't do anything about it now so it's best to just let it go. No need for it to continue to plague your conscience. What's happened has happened and you can't change history so just let it stay in the past where it belongs and move forward.

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    2. Hey Anonymous! Anonymous is totally lying to you. It is all your fault. And I...I mean he has never forgiven you.

      I mean one day it was pencil leads, then spitballs, after that I...I mean he graduated to food throwing in the cafeteria.

      It was a downhill blur of offenses after that.

      And all because you made me...erm...him throw that first piece of pencil lead.



      *for those of you recovering from a recent humorectomy, the above is entirely written with tongue firmly in cheek....probably...maybe.

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    3. Ha haha-- humorectomy!! :)

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  23. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  24. When I was a child, I use to sleepwalk. However, I grew out of it and haven't done it since I was about 10 years old. My very first night of staying in a new apartment with a new roommate, I had a dream that I needed to wake my sister. So I walked into her room and proceeded to shake her awake. In reality I slept walked over to my new roommates side of the room and started shaking her awake. Needless to say it freaked her out!! And for some weird reason, we never became friends... ;)

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  25. Those are too good!!! I can't keep secrets either, I'm an open book. However, in 5th grade we had to learn the states and capitals and I cheated. I know, it's horrible... I switched out the real test with the practice sheet in my desk. I was the first to finish and got 100% (duh). To this day, when I'm bored I do my states and capitals to make sure that I still know them.

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  26. Last Sunday at church I was letting my nine month old son play on the floor next to me with his blocks. The lady next to me kept shooting me dirty looks, eventually I bent over to see what was going on... My son was banging his block on her peg leg. Hahahaha I was so embarrassed that I grabbed him and all of our stuff and left church as fast as I could!

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  27. I think that there was probably a reason, or several, that you never shared those things with anyone.

    I mean, switching poopy underwear? Are you kidding me??

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  28. Yup, I don't see any marraige proposals after that bit of disclosure....lol

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  29. My best friend's family never locked their door when they left the house, I used to sneak in and read her journal.
    I was also the one who used to "steal" her car and move it to other locations and rig everything inside it so that it would turn on full blast when she started it.
    And I totally panicked the first time a guy tried to kiss me, and I head butted him instead, I've felt guilty about it for years, but it pleased my father to no end.

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    1. it pleased my father to no end. lol <3 so many parents are proud of you right now. :D

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  30. I was very very sick while traveling in a South American country (I drank some water that looked a little cloudy and turned out to be bad surprise surprise). Anyway, I pooped my pants late at night, trying to hold it until the water in the house I was staying in turned on at 4am. Then I threw the underwear in the garbage where it was burned the morning.
    Then I puked in the bathroom one night after dinner.
    Felt good to get that off my chest.

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  31. When I was 12 and too young to know how to "break up" with someone, I told this boy that one day I decided I no longer liked that he had actually been flirting with my twin sister (I don't have a twin) and that I had been out of town for 2 weeks. Yeah, I don't think he bought it and he never talked to me again even though we sat by each other in several classes in Jr. High and High School, and even one in college. Yikes.

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  32. My extended family was having a birthday for my dad. His favorite cake was German Chocolate and my mom had made a beautiful cake just for him. The cake was waiting there on the dining room table, the adults were all in the kitchen talking. I had a thing for that coconut frosting and never had enough in just one slice of cake. Plus the adults were taking WAY too long to come and cut the cake. So I hid under the table and would come up and scoop up frosting with my finger every chance I got. My mom came into the dining room while I was still under the table and asked what little person had gotten into the frosting. I didn't tell her it was me until about a week ago. . . I waited about fifteen years.

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  33. When I was 13 I lit a firecracker and accidentally threw it onto the lawn and burned a hole about 12 feet wide into the grass. I went inside and left a note for my parents, telling them I was at a friend's house, hoping this would serve as an alibi. I never got caught and that was 14 years ago. I forgot about this now so I'm going to call my parents after I post this and confess once and for all!

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  34. Just before my sister left on her mission, she had a crisis of conscience. She confessed that when she borrowed my tuxedo years before, she had been laughing so hard that she had peed in the pants (something she has done rather frequently, only typically it is in her own clothing). The crisis of conscience comes in where she never washed them. This was learned when we were reminiscing about my wedding the year before and she suddenly pieced things together and between fits of laughter yelled, "You wore peed-in pants to your wedding!"

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  35. Alright, my turn.

    What many of you have experienced is something called 'spontaneous urination'. I didn't really understand that until a short time ago... while playing a game (probably on my new phone) i ignored the fact that i really really really had to go, and despite 'doing the potty dance' while lying on my bed, i still chose not to go until it was just a minute too late. I got up out of my bed, with difficulty holding my full bladder, and stood up (which happened to be right beside the bathroom door)and then it came.. i am 20 years old (and totally posting this under a fake name)

    ok, so this one i kind of already admitted to, but you will all find it hilarious. :)
    While hanging out with a friend on the swings, I asked if my crush (which nobody knew at the time) was coming to the event that we were waiting for to start. Unfortunately, I have a terrible memory. Because all I could think about was my crush, I continued to ask the exact same question over and over again. Eventually my (male) friend said, "I'm not his day planner." My response was "Of course not! If you were you'd have a little stick."
    In my innocence I didn't realize what I had said until it was out. Luckily my friend didn't hear it. My bright red face told him what I had said was certainly to be amusing for him. I confessed over a year later and by then it was funny to me too.

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  36. When I was 7 I stole a pack of gum from the commissary (the grocery store on our U.S. Army base). I was so scared that I would get caught and in huge trouble that I chewed all the pieces of gum that day! I have never stolen anything since (seriously, how do people steal, it's so stressful...)

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  37. I remeber my 14th birthday...
    Anyways well I often pretend I'm sleeping so that I am able to hear what people say when they think I'm unconcious. - have gotten very good at it over the years...turns out my parents are VERY glad I'm leaving for college soon..I think the puppy might have his own peeing accident in the house tomorrow :P
    I also used to read my sister's journal all the time and that how I found out about he first boyfriend in the 6th grade. I also read my best friend's journal, that not as exciting though because turns out we really do tell eachother everything.
    Also as an evil 8th grader with a group of friends at a sleepover, we went TPing. We also brought along crisco,plastic wrap, and pads. We were vile children. Some poor girl got her bike plastic wraped and spryed with cooking spray. The next morning we saw a van drive off, with a pad still stuck to the back...
    That is all! :)

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  38. We take the trash out in the office I work in every Friday. I took it out one Friday and was then the last to leave the office. On Monday morning, we came in to a really funky smell. We searched and searched to find the source, and the whole time, I was all, "I don't understand, I took the trash out Friday!" Then one of my coworkers found the source--in the almost empty trash can there were some moldy leftovers. And then I suddenly remembered after I'd taken out the trash on Friday, I'd emptied the company fridge. But it had gone on for so long (the search) that i couldn't bring myself to admit I was the culprit. :/

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  39. When I was 12 or 13, I was in the dressing room at a store in the mall. I had to pee! REALLY bad! You know it gets way worse when you are changing pants, I think my body thought it was time to go! Well, I couldn't hold it. So instead of peeing all over myself, I just squatted down in the dressing room and peed in the carpet! I'm not a gross person, and I apologize for just leaving it and not telling anyone. Especially sorry for the person who came in behind me to try their clothes on and to the employees who had to clean it up!! I was SOOOO embarrassed and still bothered by it 17 years later!

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  40. Okay, first a pee story, then a couple other secrets.
    First of all: I have always had a really small bladder and although I'm seventeen and never had a child, I tend to have the bladder control of a pregenant lady, to the point where I on occation pee a little teeny bit when I laugh really hard. So an incident was bound to happen eventually. Unfortunately, they always happen in the most inconvient places. It was my second or third year of girl's camp. Final night. Testimony meeting around the campfire. There was an outhouse 200 or so yards down from the campsite, but we were still required to have a buddy where ever we went. I really needed to pee. Like I'm pretty certain my eyes turned yellow I needed to pee so bad. But no one would go with me. They all wanted to wait until the meeting was over or they could hear a friend or leader's testimony. So I waited, doing the potty dance in my chair, until finally, I couldn't hold it anymore. I made a friend leave and I sprinted down the hill (I'm pretty certain I broke records) and (maybe this was fabricated from my mememory) jumped to the front of the line of all the other girls from other camps waiting to use the bathroom (why I didn't just go in the bushes I'll never understand), got a stall, closed the door... And the gates opened as I pulled the lock.
    Secret time: once, there was a mouse in my windowwell. My parents caught said mouse in a great, big, glass, pickle jar. They poked holes in the lid and called my aunt to see if her pet snake (sorry, Eli) wanted it. She agreed to it and came to pick up the mouse. I, however, have always been an animal lover (I'm majoring in vetrinarian sciences at college in the fall. I brought a freaking damselfly back to life yesterday boating (it was only partly dead. Don't ask how I did it, I'm not sure)) and couldn't see this cute (I was six, okay?!) creature go off to certain doom. I also really wanted to see the mouse (my parents didn't really let me look because they knew how I was). So when they left the jar on top of the garbage can in the driveway and walked back into the house, I reached up as high as I could, and could only just barely get my little hands around the jar. I pulled the jar down, and before anything else could happen, the jar slipped, shattered, and the mouse was gone. I told my parents I just wanted to see it. Not that I really wanted to somehow save the mouse (that was not the way I wanted to save it...). Bonus to the story--the next year the neighbors complained about finding some mice in their yard. And, it was never said, but it was implied that the blame went to me on that one.
    Yup. Those are my secrets

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  41. When I was 11 or 12 I got horribly, terribly sick one night, and woke up the next morning to realize I had pooped my pants while I was sleeping. I was completely mortified, and didn't want anyone to know, so I decided to just take off my underwear and sneak it into the laundry room (failing to realize my mom was the one who did the laundry, and would be sure to see my poopy underwear). I decided to get more clean underwear in the laundry room, so I was walking through the house commando holding my dirty underwear at arm's length, when my mom woke up and saw me. She asked if I had started my period, but I was too embarrassed to tell the truth, so I muttered something about just wanting clean underwear for no reason.
    Also, when I was 13 I had a crush on the bad boy at school. I left secret admirer notes in his locker saying things like, "Happy birthday. I love you," and I would call his house and try to talk to him, but his mom always said he wasn't home. I even kissed his picture in the yearbook whenever I wasn't busy finding out things like his birthday or phone number.

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  42. Please marry me ;)

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    1. Even on THIS post there's marriage proposals. Wow. >_<

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    2. I'm pretty sure Eli went in as anonymous and proposed to himself.

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  43. When I was 10 or 11, I spent the night with my bff at the time. We slept on a couch together and I peed the bed. I got up and changed before she woke up. When she woke up she was wet and blamed the cat. I went along with it and I've never told anyone.

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  44. I passed gas while I was leaving a pew full of primary presidents. Right in front of the General Primary Presidency. They were leaving the room the same time I was. They couldn't not hear it.

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  45. When I was 10 or 11, I stayed the night at my grandma's house. She had one of those couches that has a bed that you can pull out. I slept on it, and in the morning I woke up and realized that I had wet the bed. I was so embarrassed that I got up early and folded the bed part back up so it was a couch again, leaving the soiled blankets in it. I have never told anyone, and even now I can feel myself blushing. Good times.
    I also backed in to my sister's car and left a small(ish..) dent without telling anyone, but that one just makes me laugh. The dent matches the rest of the car. :)

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  46. I was pulling into a parking space one day and hit the car next to me, breaking their taillight. I never told anyone.

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  47. I was staying at my grandma's house once when I woke up to find that I had gotten my period overnight and bled all over her white sheets. I was super embarrassed, so I just kind of left it. I still feel guilty.

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  48. I don't have a pee or pooping my pants secret BUT Let's see... When I was little, I was a CHUBBY kid. I was also a nerd. This led to me sneaking numerous ice cream bars into my room when the rest of my family was asleep, and eat them under my blanket while reading harry potter with a flashlight...

    I'm so GLAD I outgrew that stage.
    Dani
    www.thatfitnesschic.blogspot.com

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  49. Once at a swim meet I went up to a lady that I thought was my mom and started holding her hand. Nope, not my mom.

    I still see her frequently because she comes in where I work a lot..

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    Replies
    1. Yeah... I did the same thing. Also at a swim meet.

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  50. I imagine that all the comments by 'anonymous' are actually Daniel. Good job keeping the important secrets from him!

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  51. I trespass a lot. I was almost caught once.

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  52. I was at a painting studio making gifts for a friend's wedding so she could hang them in her new house, and the bunch of us were drinking champagne to celebrate her. We'd had crab at the restaurant beforehand and it was an all around lovely night. Then when we were almost done I started to feel dizzy, excused myself to the bathroom, and projectile vomited champagne and crab PAST the toilet onto the wall and floor. Like four times.
    I grabbed some paper towels and cleaned it all up, washed my mouth out, and then realized that it hadn't really flushed. We were all on our way out and were the last ones there, so I just left it. I have no clue if the people found it and realized it was someone in our party.

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  53. I went to lunch with my mom and daughter to celebrate Mother's Day one year. We were at a cute boutique-y type place and as we finished up we were browsing around when my daughter excused herself to visit the restroom. After what seemed like a long time waiting for her to come back I went to the restroom to see what was keeping her. I entered and saw that the stall door was still shut, so I did what any mom would do and stepped into the next stall and waited with the door open for her to come out. The stall door opened and I jumped out at her yelling "Aaarrgh!" Unfortunately it wasn't my daughter. I was mortified and mumbled a lame apology to the woman and left the restroom.

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  54. Those are some of the best secrets EVER.

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  55. When I was 12 my best friend and I went to our small county fair. We were there in a really low-traffic time and were so excited to ride all of the rides. We had giant shave-ices (I chose my favorite flavor of lime) before jumping on the attractions. Because so few people were there we jumped from ride to ride with no waits in between I was feeling a little queasy but we just kept going. On the ride that spins around really quickly so you get sucked to the walls (while standing up) I felt awful and finally puked three or four times during the ride. When we were getting up everyone except myself, my friend, and the person directly to the other side of me had bright green throw-up on their clothes and in their awesome early-nineties-Mormon-Utah-big-permed-bangs. My friend and I ran off before I could be identified as the disgusting culprit.

    On another note I have been meaning to tell you that if Daniel is willing to wait, I'm pretty sure my three year old and him are food soul mates. She is a ridiculously small girl (she is in the 0% for weight), however she can eat any form of egg without coming up for air until we cut her off. Hard-boiled are her favorite and we stop her at about 4 - FOUR - because we're grossed out.

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  56. When I was in primary school I worked for an old lady who had broken her back or something. I vaccumed and did dishes and watered her plants. One day I went to sit on this ugly pillow that was on her bed. But it wasn't a pillow, it was her cat. I am pretty sure I hurt the stupid thing, and I never told the lady.

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  57. When I was a young teenager I babysat regularly for a certain family. My best friend babysat for them once in a while too, not as much as I did but enough to know where the dad kept his beer. She talked me into stealing one for her. We regularly snuck out of our houses at 1 or 2 in the morning and went roaming all over the city, so we met up that night and I gave her the beer. She wanted me to take the first swig, but I'd never had beer before and I was nervous. When I held it up to my lips the smell of it and the taste of the foam made me start gagging uncontrollably. But I still pretended to drink some so she wouldn't make fun of me.
    We also had a big crush on the same guy, and one time during one of our late night sneak-outs we TP'd every house around his house, and then raided everybody's gardens to spell out a message of love on his front lawn. Hahahahaha!
    My best friend got really into the idea of hypnotizing people, so I let her try to hypnotize me. I pretended very convincingly that she'd succeeded, but it backfired: I had nightmares about gorillas so badly (gorillas were part of the hypnotizing experience she'd created) that my mom wanted to take me to a psychiatrist, and suffered a debilitating fear of primates for over a decade. I was so embarrassed by it all and scared of what my parents would think that for years I didn't tell my poor mom why I'd suddenly become so terrified of gorillas.

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    1. *message of love in flowers, that should have said.

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  58. I peed myself when I was 8 months pregnant after coughing.

    I was at the grocery, left a puddle.

    Carr full I crap I panicked imagining a call over the intercom "clean up in isle 8".

    So since no one was in the isle.. I pretended to be looking for something in the next isle then booked out the door. Leaving a cart full of groceries..

    But in my defense, I was in no position to help (the month prior after squatting down to get something in the bottom shelf I learned that I was not able to stand back up from this position in my state.

    So I would have only been able to watch as someone cleaned upy accident.

    Poor me!

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  59. So, when I was in high school we TPed and egged. A LOT. Usually drunk. There wasn't much to do in our town, which was my parent's point in moving us there.

    One night we were egging my friend's X-BF's house with eggs given to us from another friend. There were chicken eggs, duck eggs, and one GIANT goose egg, for some unknown reason.

    We tried to be quiet as we threw eggs, but we were laughing really loudly. Then someone threw the goose egg and it hit the metal garage rolling door. The enormous crashing sound literally reverberated through our valley. I'm pretty sure it echoed like 20 times in slow motion! We all three froze with deer-caught-in-headlamps looks. Surprisingly, no one came outside. I thought we were doomed, but no one caught us.

    Emboldened by out escape, we continued egging the house. Unfortunately, the door swung open and the porch light flipped on and out walked the WHOLE family. I mean, the WHOLE family - all kids, parents, grandparents, possibly some aunts and uncles and cousins. They just poured out of the house.

    And there the three of us were, eggs in hand, frozen in time. The family just stood there, in silence, staring back at us. It was... awkward. And terrifying, but mostly awkward.

    We took off RUNNING!

    A couple houses down we hid, one of us up a tree, another crouching behind a bush and me diving under someone's truck. We waited as the family car drove slowly down the street, passed us, and turned the corner and then RAN back to my car and booked it home.

    The next Monday at school the kid confronted me and asked why I was egging his house. I said I wasn't and I didn't know what he was talking about. He said I was and it was really embarrassing because his brother was leaving for college and his whole family was there and his mother recognized us and everyone was really confused and upset, especially his grandmother. I told him it must have been my little sister and her friends...

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  60. http://sirensecho.blogspot.com/2013/07/happy-honeymooners-sort-of.html

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    1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    2. Hi, sorry! Had to reboot my computer as my keyboard absolutely wouldn't respond... Without being "spammy" I thought it was too perfect not to share my blog's "most embarrassing moment" entry. Enjoy!

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  61. I peed my pants at work late one night after too much coffee and getting startled by a girl I worked with..I'm a guy and I was 47 at the time.. We still laff about it..

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