Now, this is a post about nothing. Because it can't be a post about anything because everything I want to tell you right now, I am basically forbidden from telling you. So many secrets. There are like four things happening in my life at this moment that I want to share with you. But I can't.
And I'm not just doing this to further anger that Stranger who anonymously gets mad at me in the comments of every post about how vague I apparently am on Stranger, even though I share almost every detail of my life here every day with tens of thousands of people I don't know.
Hey, angry Stranger. This isn't Facebook. I can be vague on Stranger. Stranger loves vague. Vague is the new full-disclosure.
The reason I can't share with you all of the things I want to share with you is because it's just not the right time. And having to keep this stuff to myself is KILLING me. Because I so want to discuss every bit of it with you and get your thoughts. This is going to be a very hard week because I AM SERIOUSLY THE WORST AT KEEPING SECRETS.
Don't EVER tell me something that you want to stay between us. You have been warned. It will not stay between us. Despite my very best efforts, it will not stay between us.
The good news is that I don't have to wait too long to tell you most, if not all, of things I want to tell you. In fact, I should be able to share with you some good stories at the beginning of next week. But until then, I'm going to feel like a kid the week before Christmas.
A lot of this is about Daniel's birthday, which is this weekend (he's turning 14). And although he doesn't read Stranger because he hates being happy, I can't share this here. Because SURPRISES. Apparently surprises are good and it's worth it to keep some things to yourself. So I'm told.
So, since I can't share with you right now some of the secrets I am DYING to share with you, I will try to get it out of my system by sharing with you some things I have never shared with anyone:
Things Eli Has Never Shared With Anyone
1. When I was 12 years old I was camping in a friend's backyard with three other kids and I wet the sleeping bag so much that it seeped over onto someone else's bag. I woke up soaked in my urine at about 2:00AM. I immediately gathered my things and left. When I got home I realized that they were going to wake up, smell urine, see that I was gone, and know what had happened. So I changed my clothes, got a different sleeping bag, and went back. When the morning came the whole thing was blamed on the friend whose bag had pee on it.
2. When I was about 13 years old I accidentally let a wild bird into a neighbor's house when I was bringing in the mail because they were out of town. And I was scared of it so I just shut the door and left.
3. When I was 5 I pooped my pants and convinced a cousin to trade me underwear so everyone would think he did it. And I STILL cannot believe this worked.
That was actually really satisfying. Ok, your turn. Admit to us something you've never told anyone! Free yourself of your secrets!
~It Just Gets Stranger