Tuesday, July 30, 2013

Yahoo! Answers X

Dear Strangers: You look like you could use some Yahoo! Answer advice today. Twice up the barrel, once down the side.


Question 1: How much cat food should I leave out? I'll be working overseas for the next 10 to 12 months and will not be taking my cat Trixy with me (the break will be good for both of us). How much cat food should I leave out in the apartment? She will have no outdoor access. Is one bag enough? She's very overweight, if that helps.

1. Your cat will die! Bring her to someone's house to take care for her! ~Dianne

2. Don't leave her alone! Especially if you are gone for 10 to 12 months (in my opinion, that is a little long). Find a cat-sitter and give her lots of love when you come back because she will have missed you.  ~Happy Panda

3. Just leave her the number to a delivery pizza place and she'll be fine.  ~Tom

4. You dont even disorve to have cats if i left you out with bag of cat food for 1 year! ~TLC

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Question 2: Is my cat losing her faith? My cat Trixy has stopped following me to church and I don't even know what she's doing instead. I'm worried that she has stopped believing in God and praying. When do I decide enough is enough and give her away?

1. Consult your veterinarian. ~Bandz

2. Don't give her away just because she doesn't follow you to church! She's a cat. Cats do what they want. Just make sure you know what she's doing instead so she doesn't run away, or get run over by a car. ~Happy Panda

3. Don't get me wrong I believe in God. A cat that has been straying away from going to church and you want to give her away? Are you crazy? You need to keep the cat. Maybe the cat is wanting to have a friend like another cat or who knows? Ask a veterinarian. That is a new one. ~?

4. Ok, first of all, cats are animals. They DO NOT know about religion or faith like humans do. Your cat does not pray. It is incapable of such a practice. Your cat followed you because you are her owner, not because of where you were going. ~Haven

5. You have cat to be kitten me right meow. ~CF

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Question 3: Should I encourage my daughter to get breast implants? I'm worried that not getting them now might really hurt my daughter's self-esteem throughout her life. She is more likely to feel good about herself if she has them, right? Should I wait a year or two and see if she brings it up on her own first? (She's 6 now).

1. I would wait at least 14 more years.  ~Chillin

2. Definitely get them now, the poor thing. I got mine when I was 7 and it totally turned my life around. I had so many boys drooling over me at recess! Totally worth it! ~Zhenya

3. Have you lost your $%#^% mind!? ~Gary

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Question 4: Do they make Cliff Notes for the Berenstain Bears books? My daughter is supposed to read one for first grade and write a paragraph on it but I don't have time to read a whole book right now. Are there Cliff Notes out there or something that will just give a one page rundown on the plot?

1. I can't believe you let your daughter go to a school where they read Berenstain Bears! Do you know how much sex and violence is in those books! ~Tom

2. She should have plenty of time to read while she's recovering from her breast implants surgery, you monster! ~Gary

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Question 5: Can cats become pregnant by humans? My cat, Trixy, saw me naked this morning on accident while I was washing the car. Now I'm worried that she might be pregnant. I'm worried that giving birth to a human baby, while cute, would literally kill her.

1. Yeah, you might want to ask your doctor. It could be really dangerous for your cat. ~Ben

2. Oh no! You should call the vet right away! ~Nathaniel

3. If I were you I would make her take a pregnancy test. Kitten support is expensive. My ex wife's a cat. ~Kevin

4. By seeing you, nothing will happen. And one question . . . did you just say you were naked while washing your car?!?! ~Michel

~It Just Gets Stranger

13 comments:

  1. I loved Gary in questions 3 and 4. But Michel in question 5... I snort laughed.

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  2. Laughing so hard! You've cat to be kitten me right now? Best response ever.

    Also, if you're daughter doesn't have breast implants at 6, her self esteem is already ruined. Give up on her and have a new one.

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  3. Your daughter doesn't need breast implants, but your cat does. It might be why she is losing her faith- she keeps praying for them, but they never come. You need to consult your vet. Also, make sure you have plenty of Bernstein Bear books for the cat to read after surgery.

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    1. If the cat gets pregnant, she get her breasts. Problem solved!

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  4. I don't think I could ever get tired of reading your yahoo answers.

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  5. I'm so glad someone picked up on the fact that you were washing your car naked.

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  6. "You have cat to be kitten me right meow."
    -Didn't realize how clever that was until I said it out loud.

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  7. Loved CF's answer to Q2 ("You have cat to be kitten me right meow.")! And I saw someone else posted the answer "remember she's Catlick" to Q2, which also cracks me up! It reminded me of a funny meme/graphic I've seen -- it's of a cat licking its paw with the caption "Mai religion? Roamin' Catlick". Thanks for the laughs today! :D

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  8. I had to explain why I was laughing so hard at work! Thanks for that. I can't believe that some people don't realize that these are not real.

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  9. Loved the last one. Washing your car naked. Too funny!

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  10. Howling with laughter!! I can't believe people think these are real, its too funny for words!

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