Tuesday, September 24, 2013

State of the Union

This is sort of a state of the union post. Because I’ve now been in the United States of God Bless America for over two weeks and some of you are getting extremely angry with me that I basically haven’t told you anything about my life in those two weeks except that I now live with someone who sets up furniture in the elevator and apparently hasn’t bought into the whole “cat scratching” thing yet.

These two weeks have been a ridiculous roller coaster of all things. Every time I try to gather my thoughts and update you on what are some of the biggest life changes I’ve ever had, I feel an immediate information overload and find myself unable to concisely get it all down in words. So instead I end up writing about cats. Add to the overwhelming nature of the life changes, I have been so incredibly busy getting my affairs back in order and starting a new and demanding job that I haven’t had the time that I hoped to have to sit down and write.

So this is my sad attempt at giving you some updates. Because it’s been hard for you guys to stalk me lately since I’ve been so off the map. And when you guys can’t properly stalk me, NONE of us are happy.


Who the HELL is this Kurt person and why is he ruining our lives?



Ok. There’s more to him than getting near human poop all day. Kurt and I have been friends for a couple of years and we decided to be roommates when we realized a few months back that we were both looking for a place to live at the same time. We attended the same Mormon congregation in Salt Lake City just before I moved to Palau and that's how we met. Kurt is one of the coolest people that has ever existed on planet Earth and he is also EXTREMELY weird. I did not know this until we moved in together. And I’ve been pleasantly surprised with my findings. The details of his quirks will unravel before you in the coming months and you will all start to feel like you’ve left reality, just like you used to feel when you read Stranger. One interesting tidbit about Kurt, he also served a Mormon mission in western Ukraine a decade ago. We did not meet at that time because he was there just before I was and our paths never crossed. But it’s been fun to speak Ukrainian at home and compare TB and parasite stories.


So, did you really start a new job?

I did. Less than seven days after landing in Salt Land I was in my new office, jet-lagged and thoroughly confused. I work on the 16th floor of a giant building in the heart of Salt Lake City and just a block away from my apartment. So far I love it. Although I spend the majority of my day politely nodding and taking notes while inside my head all I can hear is terrified screaming. But I really love the law firm I’ve gone to and I feel extremely fortunate to be where I am, terrified screaming and all.


What about the Queen of Colors?

Exactly.


Is Paul Cyclemon still around?

He is! And he is SO happy to see me again. I’m pretty sure he started crying when I walked into the room he was in. And I was like, “STOP CRYING PAUL CYCLEMON! YOU DON’T EVEN HAVE TEAR DUCTS!”


What’s it like to go from the land of coconuts to life back in the United States of God Bless America?

I’ll share much more on this in a separate post, because there is a lot to say. But I’ll just tell you for now that it is a really crazy experience. The best way I can describe it is to tell you that I feel like I just moved into the future. There is so much about my simple life in Palau that I miss and that I’m sure I’ll always long for. And my heart aches that I don’t get to see the church kids every day. But I’m happy to be back.

Happy.

I am really really happy right now. As you know or have gathered, this has been an extremely difficult year for me. I haven’t shared every failure and heart-ache with you (much to the chagrin of a loyal and vocal few), but I have shared some and alluded to others. The past couple of months in particular were some of the most trying months of my life. But as I’ve settled into my new routine, reconnected with long-lost friends, and made some hard but necessary changes, I have felt huge burdens lift off of my shoulders. I will always be so grateful for my experiences in Palau and the lessons I learned along the way. But I will be equally grateful that they are over.


Is Daniel alive?

He is. And I know you all miss him. If he read Stranger, he would probably even feel good about how much you miss him. I saw him briefly while he was in Salt Lake when I first came back. He, too, is getting his life back in order and gearing up for his next adventure, whatever that may be. I hope you won’t be too angry with me that you won’t hear much about him anymore. Companion to the strange is always the change. Change keeps us interesting, even when the change is difficult. 

On a side note, Kurt religiously reads Stranger and typically quotes the most recent comments at me from people who want to have his babies or have him nurse them back to health. He’s less excited about the angry comments about him not being Daniel.


Did the cats survive living in the storage unit for a year?

No. They are all dead. 

~It Just Gets Stranger

45 comments:

  1. The cats didn't survive?! But you left all that fish!

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  2. While I do miss Daniel's freakishly long limbs, I have to say that there is nothing hotter than a Murse. Nothing.

    I am glad you are happy. That makes me happy. :)

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  3. i'm a nurse too...does kurt have openings in his ER? i would totally move out there to meet him....and you of course!

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  4. So, I noticed the intercom thingy around Kurt's neck and remembered a time I was at the hospital a couple of years ago and the nurse showed me the "Beam me up Scotty" trick with her intercom . Does Kurt know it? Has he shown it to you? You might have to question his loyalty if he hasn't. Just sayin'.

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  5. My beloved boss actually left us and moved across the country to go run the fundraising operations at Intermountain. That's so weird! Kind of sad to hear we won't have any more Daniel stories, but the minute I saw that picture of Kurt sitting demurely by a side table in your building's elevator, I felt destiny had brought you two together. Perhaps one day you will find him in your elevator next to a washing machine.

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  6. Kurt is awesome too. I think everyone just wishes that Kurt, Daniel, and the Stranger lived all together. Maybe you could start a band...although your tales of public singing don't bode well. Maybe stick to triangle.

    Carry on with your crazy antics. I'm loving Kurt's quirks (possible band name).

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  7. This post reminded me of Doctor Who. It has time travel to the future and ever changing companions!

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    1. And Kurt...It will take some time, but everyone will warm up to you eventually. You sound crazy enough to win us all over.

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    2. Yes! I was thinking the same thing as soon as he said changing companions, you are awesome!

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    3. Me too!

      Never fear, Kurt. Just like the changing of The Doctor and his companions, we may miss the old ones but always come to love and appreciate the new ones for what they add to the story.

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    4. I was about to say the exact same thing. At least Daniel's memories didn't get wiped away!

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  8. By roommate/living with someone, should I infer they are your boyfriend? I'm a new reader and it's a little cryptic.

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    1. I hope not. Otherwise I've just gotten myself into a much bigger commitment than I intended . . .

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    2. I think it'd be super cute if they were!

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  9. I think I need mouth to mouth help Kurt :)

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  10. Kurt smells. There I said it. Dude...take a shower...I can smell you from here.

    Ok, I can't smell you, but I just wanted Eli to have something to quote rather then "Kurt's so hot" or "I want to have Kurt's babies RIGHT NOW" or whatever. Seriously...my wife would probably drool over you. So, you know...you suck. And I hate you. So there.

    ;)

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    1. Hahahaha! Best comment so far.

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  11. My favorite tidbit ever? Cats in storage. I will laugh about that one for years.

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  12. While I agree that Kurt is attractive, All of these "I want to have his babies" and "let's play Dr." comments are really starting to freak me out. Eli, your hair looks amazing, your smile is bright and beautiful.

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  13. I want you both to be my sister wives

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  14. Pretty sure your new roommate once gave me a shot....in the head.

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  15. The picture of Kurt is hilarious!! The only thing he needs are some cat scrubs! Eli, have you lost weight?

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  16. Kurt has really big shoes to fill! (SEE WHAT I DID THERE?????)

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  17. My mum's an RN. And the only thing I can think of about all of this is... Kurt talks about how CLOSE he gets to poop? Because I've always lived with the stories about how MUCH poop they TOUCHED on a weekly basis. Oh, the stories... Usually told during Thanksgiving dinner. That'll be weird when she has a son-in-law.
    Yes, Eli. Tell us all of his secrets. We must learn more about this strange creature.
    And uh... Hi, Kurt?

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  18. I'm so glad Kurt reads the blog. This is going to get interesting.

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  19. Eli, I'm sure I'm not the only reader who feels this way--write about whatever you want. We just love being part of it and are happy to hear whatever you want to share. Love your writing!

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  20. Does Kurt have a blog? I KNOW he has to have interesting ER stories....

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  21. Did you get your Brita filters back intact? Because those things are expensive.

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  22. I work on the 25th floor of one of those giant buildings in downtown Salt Lake. Maybe we could meet for lunch sometime? As friends, of course. Wait, let me ask my husband if that's OK first.

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  23. Kurt suppressed his weirdness extremely well when we were MTC companions. He was, however, receiving letters from every unmarried girl in Beaver County (all 20 of them).

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  24. "I spend the majority of my day politely nodding and taking notes while inside my head all I can hear is terrified screaming." Good to know I'm not the only one who does that at a new job. I feel better now, the screaming hasn't stopped, but I feel better.

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  25. Do you watch Studio C (on BYUtv)? Because the terrified screaming inside your head made me think of the Poker sketch. Hilarious.

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    1. Now I have to go watch the poker sketch again.

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  26. I just want you to know that you were right above Paul Simon in my facebook news feed.

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  27. "...one of the coolest people that has ever existed on planet Earth and he is also EXTREMELY weird."

    Something makes me think that you might not be the only person in your apartment thinking that about his new roommate.

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  28. I still don't know if I trust Kurt. :( I will not be persuaded by his extremely good looks and witty charm......

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  29. If you TRUST Kurt? Wtf is wrong with you?

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    1. People make comments like this all of the time on this blog, it should not come as a shock to you!

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  30. Oh my lordy I love this blog soo much. I should be studying i mean im in class but ain't nobody got time for that. I'm readin Stranger

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