Sunday, October 6, 2013

Axel

Remember last week when I was worried that I maybe had skin cancer? With my particular kind of skin (cough--FRECKLES--cough--hash tag, searchingforacure), skin cancer runs in the family and is, unfortunately, something that really concerns me. Bob had skin cancer a number of years ago. Fortunately it was caught early and he's ok now. But I don't want to join him in the "survivors" group.

Bob McCann: Navy vet + cancer survivor + once tackled an angry 18 year old kid in a doctor's office before the kid attacked a doctor - won't eat cheese x prank calls 1-800 numbers = father of the century.

When I saw a terrifying mark on my arm a few weeks ago, I was sure it was going to be skin cancer. Guys. I lived on the Equator for a year. OF COURSE it was going to be skin cancer. Even though I was really careful in Palau. I wore sunscreen. Plus I didn't go out into the sun that much because I was usually inside crying.


I started sending pictures of it to my friend and former co-worker, Shea.


She responded, "GET THAT CHECKED OUT!"

I replied, "WHY DO YOU THINK I'M SENDING YOU THIS PICTURE!?"

I even asked my NURSE roommate Kurt to look at it. But he just ran away from me and screamed something about "NEVER TALK TO ME AGAIN YOU DISGUSTING FREAK!"

So I went to my doctors. Bob and Cathie.

After having the phone conversation about it with them, which I posted last week, I went to their house. Krishelle was there at the time. I rolled up my sleeve and as the three of them glanced across the room at it, they all immediately yelled in unison, "THAT'S RINGWORM!"

I jumped on top of the tallest space I could find in the room and started screaming something about "GET IT OFF OF ME! GET IT OFF OF ME!! I'VE NEVER EVEN TOUCHED A WRESTLING MAT!"

Krishelle confirmed that ringworm does not actually mean that I have a worm in me. And I was relieved. Because the last thing I need to worry about right now is whether or not Lohan and Axel (the name I gave the ringworm before finding out that it wasn't actually worm) were going to get along.

Because Bob and Cathie's house is basically a pharmacy (except for when it comes to the good stuff) Bob immediately retrieved some cream they "just happened to have in the house" that was especially for combating ringworm.

I started using this cream and it seemed to be helping with the original spot. But then I noticed that it was starting to spread around in that area a bit so yesterday I went to an actual doctor to get an actual diagnosis from someone who didn't give birth to me or force me to watch Stephen King movies. AND I WAS FIVE.

The doctor took one glace and confirmed.

Doctor: Oh gosh. That's ringworm.

Eli: HE HAS A NAME, YOU INSENSITIVE JERK!

Basically I just wrote all of that to let you know that if you see me this week, you should really avoid sticking your hands in my shirt. Especially if you have any open wounds. Sorry for the inconvenience.

~It Just Gets Stranger

33 comments:

  1. Dang that sucks. I know it is contagious so if I see you I'm sorry but I might set you on fire. I hope you have learned your lesson and stop picking up stray animals. How about you let Trixy lick it? You know she loves you so she could probably help out.

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  2. Wouldn't it be better if it was actually a worm rather than fungi spreading all over your body? You could have given Lohan a little brother! I think I know who the insensitive one is here! (Hint: it's NOT the doctor)

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  3. I had such big plans for your shirts and my arms too!! DARN IT UP THE BARREL ELI! DARN. IT.
    Have you lost weight? You and Axel are looking great. Did Kurt the nurse really run away from you though? He is a nurse and I bet he has seen way worse than your ring worm, like poop.

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  4. Do I really need to explain this? You got your ringworm fun Kurt. The dude works in a building specifically designed to accommodate and care for infected, sickly people. Kurt likely inadvertently "rubbed shoulders" with Axel and brought him home and it was planted on YOUR laundry.

    Good day.

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  5. "Basically I just wrote all of that to let you know that if you see me this week, you should really avoid sticking your hands in my shirt." Way to ruin my week. Thanks, Obama!

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    Replies
    1. you just totally gave me permission to stick my hands in your shirt right? How did you know I was stalking you so close.

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  6. Ringworm will not keep me from fondling your shoulders. Period.
    You've been warned.
    L.

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  7. If you wear Kurts clothes like you wore Daniels, then you only have yourself to blame. Nurses touch all sorts of disgusting things (like poop) and seriously have you EVER actually seen him wash his hands thoroughly? eww!

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  8. You people obviously don't work in the medical field... time off is free time from poop. And ringworm. Love the comments though!!!! That's a quarter of the reason I read this is to read everyone's comments you guys are all awesome!!!!

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    Replies
    1. Is this Kurt???

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    2. Nope, it's Kirk. Cameron.

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  9. 1. Sometimes I can't tell if your fans are funny or 'funny' causing a need for concern of your safety.
    2. I'd be willing to bet you got Axel from that black cat petting party you had last week. As a kid I was never allowed to pet strange cats because of the fear of getting ringworm, that and something about Dad being deathly allergic.

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  10. I thought ringworm meant it WAS a worm... Man, the things you learn on this blog! It should be changed to some sort of educational category.

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    Replies
    1. I thought the same thing!

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  11. I totally agree on the father of the century!!!! :)

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  12. Just looking at that picture makes me feel like I have ringworm. Thanks a lot.

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    Replies
    1. Me too. Hand the cream over! On second thought...maybe Stranger should just keep it...the cream, ringworm, photos normally reserved for medical journals, etc.

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  13. While you never cease to amuse me with your wit, the hashtag comment was the best. YouTube Jimmy Fallon Late Night Hashtags. I think you will appreciate them. :)

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    1. I love the one with Justin Timberlake... #lolololololol... lololol
      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=57dzaMaouXA

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  14. I can’t help but wonder if this is a result of your penchant for bathing with strangers in each new country you visit.

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  15. It was the damn cat, I'm telling you! I had ringworm as a kid because my Grandpa had a habit of feeding all of the stray cats in Kanab and of course my sister and I loved to hold the kitties. Yep, ringworm...BAM!! Cats...evil, ringworm infested creatures that they are. True story. :/

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  16. Eli McCann - Snuggie lover, world traveler, ringworm survivor.

    Yeah, needs work.

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    Replies
    1. you mean #snuggielover #worldtraveler #ringwormsurivor #hotty #single #theporch

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  17. I got ringworm when I was on my mission. Freaked me OUT. I thought sure I was going to die of parasites.

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  18. Poor Kurt!! He has to be exposed to diseases at work all the time and now in his own home!! I'd be so paranoid!

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  19. Naked arm, abundant freckles, and ringworm all in one picture. I have to go take my anti-anxiety meds.

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  20. Don't panic. Things will be okay. I'm sure Axel didn't mean to cause you any problems. https://www.facebook.com/pages/Axel/561077653965005

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    Replies
    1. wtf... the poem is hysterical! LOL

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    2. Woah... I'm beginning to feel a little afraid of the other Stranger fans...

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  21. Hobbits Don't Own CatsOctober 7, 2013 at 9:09 PM

    I say you keep the ringworm and somehow feed it, making it stronger. Then, when anyone disagrees with you/denies your freckled power of authority, you lift up your sleeve and say (in lowest tone possible) "AND ONE RING TO RULE THEM ALL." If you could also genetically graft it with bioluminescence, then it would glow and hit the nail on the barrel.

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  22. Ah! What? I was going to come see you at the Porch. Now I'm not, sorry. Heal soon!

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  23. okay I had something that looked like that and the dr. said it was ringworm OR eczema. Really OR?!?! She gave me a cream for ringworm, if it is ringworm this will cream will make it go away. If it's eczema this cream will make it worse, but then you'll know it's eczema and you should then put eucerin cream on it......I felt really confident about my doctor that day.

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