Tuesday, October 8, 2013

Emergency Contact

One more reminder that The Porch is on Thursday evening. Doors open at 8:00 and the show starts at 8:30. I think there are still tickets and you can purchase them here. Also, I know that even when they sell out online, they usually reserve some for the door so if you can't get any online and you want to try to show up and buy tickets at the door, that may be an option.

We're hoping to record it and upload the video to what the kids are calling the Youtubes like we've done in the past, but Jolyn has informed me that the camera she was going to use is no longer available. (I can only assume she has murdered the person she was planning to borrow it from). So hopefully we'll be able to secure a different one by Thursday. I just wanted to warn you, though, in case it doesn't happen . . .

And now,

A Conversation with Kurt Today about Being My Emergency Contact


Eli: What blood type are you?

Kurt: Why? What blood type are you?

Eli: Let's say them at the same time on the count of three! One--

Kurt: I'm AB+

Eli: Oh. I thought we were going to say them at the same time.

Kurt: I didn't like that.

Eli: Well I'm A+, which means I have the most pure blood and can give to anyone, anytime, no matter--

Kurt: None of this is at all true.

Eli: Huh?

Kurt: I'm going to take the opportunity every once in a while to just inform you that certain things you believe are not true. But only when I think your continued belief in them will be detrimental to someone. Because if I didn't narrow down my corrections more than that, it would be too overwhelming.

Eli: That's really responsible of you. Now sounds like a really good time to ask you if you would be interested in being my emergency contact.

Kurt: Oh my gosh yes. I would be SUCH a good emergency contact!

Eli: Please tell me what you would do as my emergency contact.

Kurt: I would be very available whenever there was an emergency. And people would be able to contact me.

Eli: Hmmm. But what about before the emergency?

Kurt: What about it?

Eli: How would you fulfill your duties as my emergency contact before the emergency arises?

Kurt: I would do nothing. I have no obligation before the emergency arises.

Eli: Well. Someone just lost a potential job.

Kurt: The emergency contact's responsibilities arise when an emergency arises. How can you possibly expect more from a person than what I've just said I'd be willing to do?

Eli: MY emergency contact is responsible for preventing emergencies in the first place, keeping me company, laughing at my jokes, preventing Axel from spreading, protecting me from Leotrix, The First Eye, and the Queen of Colors, and doing my laundry every week all of the time always.

Kurt: I'm out!

~It Just Gets Stranger

30 comments:

  1. I am SO dying to know, who does the dishes!? Hshtgcatscantbechoosers

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  2. Bought tickets online, but they said they're mailing them to us! What happens if I don't get them in time? Should I just show the confirmation email at the door?

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    1. That's odd. Typically they just have a list at the door and I'm sure that's what they'll have this time too. I can double check and try to get back to you before then. I doubt they are actually mailing tickets.

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    2. Just verified! Your name will be on the list, so you just need to show up and tell them your name at the door. No need to bring anything.

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    3. Ahhh, what a relief! Thanks!

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    4. You get to say "Eli said I'd be on list." And say it with a little sass.

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  3. Question - if she murdered the camera owner wouldn't that make the camera more available rather than less available? I mean the decided doesn't care about it anymore right? Unless it is part of the murder scene and is now locked away in an evidence locker.

    I'm just going to assume that's what happened.

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  4. My emergency contact was the number for a mail order Russian bride center. When I had a seizure at work, they called this number. The center sent me a lovely girl named Natasha as they felt they needed to live up to the duty of being an emergency contact. Natasha and I have been happily married for 10 years now. One of our favorite nightly activities is to read your blog, so we thank you for keeping our romance alive.

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    1. Wow. It really does just get stranger...

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    2. The logical part of my brain knows this is 99% not true but the other part thinks it's so awesome I hope it is. :X

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  5. Replies
    1. Eden, love, shoot me an email? jometro @ gmail

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    2. WOOHOO now we can spam you.

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  6. Kurt was the one who was straddling the balcony. Are you sure that YOU are the one who needs an emergency contact? Just sayin....

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    1. did we find out why Kurt was straddling the balcony?

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    2. Yes, we did. You see Kurt's a cat transformer - from the lesser known transformers, not the badass ones lead by Optimus Prime...but you can think of the cat transformers as badasses if you want. Badasses who spend less time defending humans and more time lying about the house sleeping 18 hours a day.

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    3. I cannot resist this terrible pun: he's a trans-fur-mer. Har har har.

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  7. So Kurt won't do it.... I've got a great idea for a replacement #teamdaniel

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  8. as your emergency contact, Kurt can RECEIVE any blood there is on your behalf; however he would be unable to donate it to you (from his own body) as you don't have enough letters. I could at any time necessary donate blood (from my own body) to you, Eli, as our types are a perfect match. The problem might be transport, though, as I am nowhere near Utah.

    Where's "meow" girl? (I've forgotten her name but noticed she's said hello daily)

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    Replies
    1. hello, June Bug! as you can see, I missed you. thank you for gracing us with your divine cat-ness.

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  9. So hilarious... Have you thought of Daniel as an option?

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  10. I'm a little surprised you didn't create immediate drama when Kurt told you you're not the universal donor. I'd ask if you're maturing, but I can already assume the answer is "not likely," because of your response to Kurt's assumption that he has no responsibility at all before emergencies arise.

    Love this post.

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  11. I liked that in the transcript of the conversation Kurt waited until the "fine print" of laundry duties before refusing the position. I think in reality the refusal was somewhere around "laugh..."

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  12. If it just so happens that there is no video, then Leotrix might "just so happen" to get your new address in SLC. You've been warned.

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  13. I can't believe Kurt didn't know about all those responsibilities. Isn't he supposed to work in the health care field? And doesn't the health care field deal with emergencies from time to time?

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  14. I think I am my sisters emergency contact. I keep her company, laugh at her jokes, prevent Axel from visiting in the first place by telling her not to lick strange things, and do her laundry.

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  15. My sister, who knows basically nothing about Stranger except that I adore it with every fiber of my being, just walked into the room and greeted me with, "Hello, my dear Queen of Colors!"'

    Silence.






    Me: Are you saying you think I'm capable of unspeakable evil?

    Her: I just thought it was a cool thing to say??

    Soon she'll start saying things like, "Twice up the shoot, once down the barrel."

    Have a nice day. The hair looks great.

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