Wednesday, February 5, 2014

YOU GUYS BROKE YOUR PROMISE!

I think I made a terrible mistake.

You guys. I made a TERRIBLE mistake!

Remember when I tried to do an Ironman that one time? Remember how it did not work out very well? Remember how I sacrificed my life for the cause and for six months I was always either undergoing self-inflicted water-boarding in the pool or lying on a flat surface sucking on a mouth-full of melting therapy ice cream, crying? Remember how right after the Ironman we had this conversation?:

Eli: NEVER AGAIN!

You Guys: Eli, we are so sorry for your loss!


Eli: How could you guys let that happen to me?!

You Guys: We tried to stop you. But you were too stubborn. And you wouldn't listen.

Eli: Well, if I ever act like I'm considering signing up for another Ironman, will you please stop me?

You Guys: Yes, Eli. Of course we will.

Eli: Promise?

You Guys: Yes. We promise.

Eli: Cross your hearts?

You Guys: Yes. Cross our hearts. Twice up the barrel, once down the side.

Eli: Whatever it takes, you canNOT let me try this again.

You Guys: You got it, kiddo. Also, you look SO good today and your hair looks amazing, as usual.

Eli: Stop! I'm so embarrassed!

You Guys: We will NOT stop! You are the most amazing person we know and every time we imagine you with your shirt off, we imagine that you look like all of the male models in the world.

Eli: Seriously! Too much!

You Guys: No, Eli! We have even more to say! . . .

Etc.

It was a really long conversation and I don't have time to write out the rest of it. But the relevant part is that you guys PROMISED that you would stop me from attempting another Ironman.

You did not stop me.

I signed up for this stupid thing and now I'm training every day. And this one is particularly terrifying because it's supposed to be incredibly cold in Tahoe in late September. And now every time I walk outside into the freezing temperatures I exhibit signs of Pre Traumatic Stress Disorder.

On Saturday my friend Brandt and I ran 8 or 9 miles in the canyon just down the street from where I live. Snowmageddon occurred for the last 30 minutes of the run.


It was four days before I could feel my face again.

~It Just Gets Stranger

33 comments:

  1. Eli, we promise that NEXT time we won't let you sign up for another Ironman. If we don't forget.... Also, with snow in your hair you look like you're going gray. And possibly going through puberty.

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  2. Ironman? Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!! We thought you said Iron Chef, and knowing there was no category for "Questionable Foreign Foodstuffs, or Items Left in Cars for Too Long", we agreed since it would never happen.

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  3. I can't get over the fact that you look just like Grumpy Cat. bahahahahaa..... #dieslaughing

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  4. This is why I don't exercise. I only run when chased, and then only if I don't want to be caught.

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  5. This is probably mean, but every time I look at your face in this picture I crack up! I scroll up a bit so I can't see you, then scroll down and laugh. Then scroll down, back up and laugh - you do look like Grumpy Cat!! And so incredibly cold......sorry we broke our promise.....

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  6. gosh this is hilarious. sorry to take away from the severity of the situation, but you somehow always manage to make me laugh.

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  7. Dude, you signed up and THEN told us! If you had said anything about temporarily losing your mind BEFORE you signed up, we totally would have linked you back to your "NEVER AGAIN" post. How can we make life decisions for you if you don't tell us what you're contemplating?
    Seriously, though, you can do this. And your hair looks great glazed. :)

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  8. So. DID your face freeze like that, then? I mean, you have every reason to be scowling, you are running miles and miles in the dead of a Utah winter. And you signed up for another bloody Ironman. I mean, scowl away, guy.

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  9. If the weather is like it has been the last couple of Septembers, then you are going to be just fine, Also I love you.

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  10. What does twice up the barrel, once down the side mean?!?!?! I keep seeing it but I don't know... I'm new here (If you count "since last September as new) and I love this blog but every time "twice up the barrel" happens I feel like I'm the only one in this crowd not getting the joke. I feel so alone... :)

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    Replies
    1. I have no idea what it mean's either! I see it quite often and feel that I'm missing the joke! Explanation, Eli!!

      Delete
    2. If you were truly fans you would have gone back and read every single blog entry on Stranger and THEN you would know what twice up the barrel, once down the side means.

      Eli, you look endearing. Have you considered becoming a stunt double for celebrities? You look like one and are not afraid to take your life into your own hands. Call Nicolas Cage or someone and make this happen.

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    3. The first use of the phrase is here: http://www.itjustgetsstranger.com/2013/02/i-see-sea-snake.html

      And a fuller explanation is here: http://www.itjustgetsstranger.com/2013/02/dont-eat-that.html

      Delete
    4. I don't think being a "true" fan means you have to go look back at every single post over the last several years. People with day jobs, children, and cats to take care of don't have time for that. The hipster attitude from fellow Strangers is, quite frankly, rude.

      Welcome to the family, Strangers!

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    5. Pretty sure Mommy Eli could pull it off...and we should all aspire to imitate because he/she is totes amazing (and has the most intelligent and beautiful children, discounting Caspar).

      Delete
    6. I thought most of the strangers here were people who read this DURING their day jobs, in which case, what else do they have to do other than read back over all of Eli's varied and educational experiences? The law school days... the Iron Man epic... the Palau chapter...

      Delete
    7. The 'Not June Snapple' comment is killing me.

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    8. Big deal. Not knowing is part of the fun.
      Just start using it in conversations, you'll get the hang of it.

      Delete
    9. The First Anonymous Person Who Asked :)February 9, 2014 at 9:39 AM

      I feel so much more enlightened and a like true member of the Stranger community. And less alone. So... it's all good here and I will be twice up the barrel, once down the side once more! :)

      Delete
  11. "Every time we imagine you with your shirt off, we imagine that you look like all of the male models in the world." Could you provide a picture please so we don't have to imagine anymore?

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    Replies
    1. Hahahahahahahahaha so creepy. I love it.

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  12. I just ran my first ever 5K last weekend. I have never been a runner of any kind in my entire life. Last summer a friend got me started running in the mornings periodically. It might seem weird, but I think one of the things that made me agree to go running with that friend was your blog. I don't ever plan on running a marathon or an iron man. I might one day go as high as a 10K or a half marathon, but considering that one year ago I had never dreamed of calling myself a runner, I guess it's impossible to say what the future holds.
    All I'm trying to say is that you are my inspiration, and no doubt the inspiration to many others out there. You're not running this iron man for you -- you are running it for us.
    Don't let us down.

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  13. "Pre Traumatic Stress Disorder" AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

    I am soooo using that

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  14. To everyone in the world. Never...take...pictures...that...close...to...your...FACE!

    It's like people are trying to put an exclamation mark after their face. A normal picture says "hey, this is me...this is my face." A close up with your phone says "THIS IS MY FACE!!!!!!!1111ONE!!!!!" In this case it makes sense because of what you are trying to convey to us in your frozeness.

    That is all. Continue.

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  15. Eli what were you thinking??? You have gone twice up the barrel and down the side again! Didn't you pay attention to the warnings saying "kids, DON'T try this at home?" For shame Eli, for shame.

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  16. Haha your face looks like a glazed doughnut! Now I'm gonna go get a doughnut instead of going to the gym to run. At least you've kept me from making a terrible mistake.

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  17. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Snow_Miser

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