Sunday, March 9, 2014

Cuddle Texts

One Stranger, Amy V., emailed me on Friday a link to a Craigslist ad by a man looking for a beautiful woman to "cuddle" and "snuggle" and "intimacy." He required that she be between the ages of 18 and 40. His whole ad seemed really creepy. Like, the end-up-on-the-news kind of creepy. So I texted him.

In anticipation to your questions, the picture he tried to send to me did not go through. But, it didn't really matter.






Notes:

Things that are not a turn off: Overvaluing privacy; Being Angela Lansbury in the 1940s; Living in a convent as a nun.

Things that ARE a turn off: Not having limbs.

~It Just Gets Stranger

35 comments:

  1. Your life is almost unbelievably interesting.

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  2. Of COURSE being Angela Lansbury in the 1940's wasn't a turn off! She was a major babe back then! ;-)

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  3. Ohmygosh if he had awkwardly called you "hun" one more time I was about to throw my phone against the wall! Ewww!!!

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    1. I was thinking the same thing hun

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    2. I am crying and laughing, I moved to that area over 7 years ago and this is about what I have to deal with

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  4. The best LOL at this blog that I've had since snuggy texts probably. Except that doesn't really count because I was sitting in the back of my social theories class and had to surpress most of it. Good work friend.

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  5. Oh Eli. You are awesome.

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  6. Oh hun, he sounded like a good catch. Too bad.

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  7. I am going to go wake my husband for some "compassionate love".

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  8. Ha ha ha...intument even after those pictures he still went for it. Hilarious!

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  9. Amy V. emailed you this?? What did you do to the four other Amys? I quite liked Amy III.

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    1. Love this comment.

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    2. sorry to Eli, but this comment was better than the whole post ....snort laugh snort laugh snort.. my tummy hurts now :P

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    3. The first 4 Amys answered the Craigslist ad.

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  10. Maybe because his picture didn't go through the first one of yours didn't go through. I'm guessing because he asked for another right after.

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  11. This is the new prank calling. I love it! :)

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  12. Compassionate love is every girl's fantasy. Although with a nun, I imagine it being a little more convent-ional.

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  13. This sounds like most of the older guys I talk to....

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  14. This is the best one yet! Trying so hard not to laugh out loud at work.

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  15. Did he just stop right after the no Limbs, How rude. He so just left you hanging on his every word. You should text back asking why he would do that. Anyways at least we all got a good chuckle.

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    1. How could you leave a person with no limbs hanging?

      :D

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    2. You people are on a roll today with the jokes!

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  16. Sick. Sick nasty people. You are too funny though Eli.

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  17. Hey, hun, compassionate love is the best. I'm so creeped out right now. Please bless than nobody legitimately responded to this guy!

    PS I know a gal who met her husband through Craigslist personals. Why the aych would Craigslist even have a personals section?! -On their first date, though, they had dinner at McDonald's and then she watched him play video games for a few hours. She said it was bliss. And then she married him a few months later.

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    1. ... huh.
      First thing that pops in my head is an old-timey hit by the Ink Spots:

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0G5wqiLiPHg

      Around 2:05 is probably what Eli's friend sounds like on the phone.

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    2. Good point. To each his own.

      Some people are just confusing...

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  18. "Compassionate love is the best kind" Kill me. So. Awkward.

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  19. Ugh. After reading this I had to go check out the Craigslist personals section in my area... "wanna stay warm together?" so creepy O.o

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  20. ... So how were you texting with no arms or legs, hun???

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  21. I literally LOL-ed. Then I tried to tell my sister about this and I laughed so hard I cried. Priceless!

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  22. Not to split hairs but if she didn't have arms, how was she texting??

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