Thursday, March 6, 2014

Don't Let Strangers Borrow Your Phone

The other day I went to a coffee shop to do some writing and I sat down at a table right across from the biggest man I have ever seen in my entire life. He was from Ghana and he was wearing a lot of clothes that I was pretty sure were traditional for Ghana. Or maybe they're what's "in" right now and I don't know that because I've stolen enough clothes from former roommates in my life that I pretty much never have to set foot inside of a clothing store anymore.

Seriously. I'm wearing a belt I stole from Daniel right now (surprise, Daniel!) and a shirt that . . . I don't know where I got it but I'm one million percent sure I didn't buy it. Also it has someone's initials written on the tag. T.M.?

After writing for a little while, I was interrupted by this man who asked whether he could borrow my phone "to make a really quick phone call" to his friend.

Although I was about to get up to leave, I told him he was welcome to the phone and I passed it across the table. I did this partly because I really wanted us to be friends but also because I wanted to prove to everyone in the coffee shop that I'm not one of those people who assumes that anyone from another country who asks to borrow your phone, even though they have a cell phone sitting right in front of them, must be a terrorist.

His FIRST phone call went without drama, as far as I could tell. I had headphones in my ears but had muted the music so I could listen but look like I wasn't listening. This is something I picked up from Cathie who taught me from a very early age that you should always seize the opportunity to eavesdrop on conversations if ever that opportunity becomes available.

Then he made a second phone call. This one was much more dramatic. And some very frustrated yelling continued for five minutes or so. The third, fourth, fifth, and sixth phone calls went much like the second. THEN he started texting people. But sadly, he deleted the texts before finally passing the phone back to me.

I have received TWELVE phone calls in the last two days from people angrily demanding to speak to someone whose name I believe is Kofi.

All of those conversations have sounded like this:

Eli: Hello?

Caller: KOFI!!!!!!!

Eli: I'm sorry. You have the wrong--

Caller: KOFI!!!!!!!

Eli: No. No Kofi. This isn't Kofi's phone.

Caller: KOFI!!!!!!??????

Eli: [Sigh] Kofi isn't available right now. Can I take a message and have him call you back next time I see him?

Guys. I'm not sure of all the rules, but I think I might be Kofi's secretary now.

~It Just Gets Stranger

30 comments:

  1. Wait till you get your phone bill.....who knows where the calls went to....lol

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  2. My cousin is going to Ghana in a week, she could personally deliver his messages to them!! I think I just assigned her as his second secretary...

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  3. Wasn't there a Tony M in the house on University Ave?

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    1. Tony M? Was there? I honestly can't remember anymore.

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  4. What a very appropriate name such as "Kofi" being that you were in a coffee shop. Lol Change your number or block theirs.

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    1. Oh my gosh! Maybe these people are asking me if I want to go get coffee! I should start accepting! Except I think coffee is gross because Mormon taste buds.

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  5. Kofi Annan? You may have become the administrative assistant to the former Secretary General of the United Nations...good luck with those angry calls!

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    1. or Kofi Kingston, the professional wrestler. Who knows who Eli is the secretary for now!

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    2. Kofi Annan is from Ghana

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  6. Hey, if you could post these blogs like...about an hour earlier in the morning, that would be great...thanks. Yeah, cause that's when I eat my breakfast at work...yeah that would be great...thanks.

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    1. Do I hint a bit of "Office Space" in that statement...

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  7. Too funny!

    My friends just adopted a little boy from Ghana!

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  8. Oh, and my fatherly figure is going to come out of me right now...

    ARE YOU CRAZY! Don't lend your phone to strangers (except in special circumstances like their car broke down or something like that). And especially don't let them make more then one for call or text someone from your phone. Who knows what they sent to someone, or spoke about on your phone (I'm guessing he wasn't speaking english when he was calling them?).

    I don't want to see that kind of behavior ever again MISTER!!! If something ever happened to you, what would I do at breakfast time every morning? I WOULD HAVE NOTHING TO READ!!! IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT!?!?! Geez, you kids are so selfish these days.

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    1. Don't be a tool! What is the worst that could happen? Eli might have to block a few numbers or something. Oh sweet heaven forbid. Regardless of what this guy did with the phone, Eli is still racking up Karmic points for being generous enough to share what he has.

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    2. Yeah name calling is the way to go.

      Firstly, most of my post was a joke, in case you're missing a sense of humor gene. Secondly, the worse that could happen is that the guy used his phone to text criminal or illegal activity to another person. So yeah, never ask what's the worst thing that could happen, because you may find out what that is, even though you're not really at fault.

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    3. Not to mention ear Chlamydia, Lee.

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    4. Yeah, that all that really appalled me was that you let some stranger rub his ear and face on your phone. And I pictured him being really sweaty in my mind.

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    5. OMG I DIDN'T EVEN THINK OF THAT!

      See...that's what I'm talkin about. I mean, what if he licked your phone when you turned your head the other way. Or rubbed his pink eye on it. You didn't even notice that he had pink eye did you?

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  9. KOFI KINGSTON! OH it could have been a professional wrestler KOFI KINGSTON! I LOVE KOFI KINGSTON! Was the WWE in the area? you could have just let a celebrity use your phone! oh wait I think he is Jamaican, BUT he could have just been wearing the cloths as a disguise! - Jami

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  10. You're cell phone is probably on the CIA's watch list now.... Lol!
    Let's hope that they were yelling COFFEE instead, like Myriam said.

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  11. A few years ago someone was handing out my cell phone number at clubs. I think it was a girl who didn't want to hand out her real number to the skeezy people she met but was too chicken to tell them "no" like a grown up. For weeks I kept having men call and text and leave voicemails for women of a variety of names (Michelle, Jessica, Andrea, Mia, etc) telling me how much they enjoyed meeting me at such-n-such club and how fine I was and lots of "girl we gots to get together...if you know what I mean". It eventually tapered off, but if I ever find the girl who did that I'm going to get her number and then do the same thing to her...and I don't even LIKE going to clubs.

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    1. You don't have to go to a club to get her back, just tell every telemarketer that calls you that you are not interested, but you have a friend who would LOVE what their selling and proceed to give them her number.

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  12. Too funny! I have a brother-in-law whose closet matches yours, by the way. Every time we see him, we're like..."So, THAT's where that shirt went!"

    Our standard issue joke around here, when we get (usually texts) wrong numbers contacting us, is to write back: "Meet me at the usual place." Every time. Just to make their lives interesting...

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  13. I'd have done the same thing, Eli. I'd have let him use my phone. Now that I know you're Kofi's new unpaid secretary, I'll have to re-think the next time a strangers asks to use my phone (it's only happened once in all the years I've had a cell phone).

    I've also learned not to always let FRIENDS borrow your phone. Not all of them, just some of them. Some of MINE, more specifically.

    Keep us posted if you ever see Kofi again, hey?

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  14. I am glad you learned something from me.

    Cathie

    PS. Kofi is probably a very nice man with needs...like maybe his battery was dead on his cell phone. I am worried about your next cellular bill though? Do you have international coverage?! Yikes!

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  15. I am still fixated on letting another's ear and face touch my phone....his earwax could be on it RIGHT NOW and you have TOUCHED IT! Ewe! I would have to throw it away. My husband is always heap ding me his earphones or hat or something and I cannot bring myself to wear it....and we have been married almost 16 years AND I have known him since I was 5!!!! Oh man, I don' think I have had such a bad case of heebie jeebies in a long time......

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  16. T.M. Tom Marvalo Riddle......you are wearing a shirt that belongs to the young Voldemort, I would burn it if I were you...

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  17. If you are secretary of anything, it's got to be shenanigans. HOW DOES THIS STUFF KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU???

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