Thursday, April 17, 2014

I'M GETTING ATTACKED IN THE STREETS

Last night I was in bed at a decent hour, proud of myself for having the self-discipline to get some sleep.

[Ring ring]

Eli: [groggy voice] hello?

Rebecca: I'M GETTING ATTACKED IN THE STREETS!

Eli: Who is this?

Rebecca: YOU KNOW WHO THIS IS. I need your help.

Eli: Rebecca, did you lose your freaking keys, again!?

Rebecca: NO. And I resent the way you said "again" like it happens a lot--

Eli: It happens every. single. day.

Rebecca: Anyway, are you going to help me?

Eli: You said you're getting attacked in the street?

Rebecca: Well, not yet. But I'm sure I will be if you don't come out here and walk me inside LIKE A GOOD AND DECENT HUMAN BEING WOULD.

Eli: Why would someone attack you?

Rebecca: Why WOULDN'T someone attack me?!

Eli: Where are you?

Rebecca: I'm just parking in front of the building. There are two lines painted on the ground that look like Ts. Do I park on top of them?

Eli: No. Those are parallel parking markers. Just park between two of them.

Rebecca: So over the T?

Eli: No. Between two Ts.

Rebecca: I think my car is parked at the T.

Eli: What? I don't know what you're saying. Park so that one of the Ts is in front of your car and one is behind it.

Rebecca: But what does that mean?

Eli: Rebecca. You are a trilingual neuroscientist and patent attorney. You are not a dumb person. But you are very much acting like a dumb person right now.

Rebecca: This is waaaay outside of my expertise.

Eli: Common sense is outside of your expertise? Simple communication is outside of your expertise? Following basic instructions is outside of your expertise?

Rebecca: Yes.

Eli: Well then let's add to that list shutting cupboards after you've opened them and boiling noodles without letting them burn into the pan for one full hour because you "forgot."

Rebecca: Right. All of those things.

Eli: You are a complication in my life.

Just then my bedroom door flew open and Rebecca burst in.

Rebecca: Oh good! You're still awake! I have a million things to tell you!

~It Just Gets Stranger

23 comments:

  1. I hate to say it, but I think you may have met your match. Now you have to duel or something.

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  2. or get married.

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  3. I'm hearing Sheldon and Leonard... just sayin'

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    Replies
    1. Yes!!! Perhaps Eli should refer to "The Big Bang Theory" for some ways to deal with her. :D

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    2. Please make a roommate agreement.

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  4. Please do a post one day about you, Rebecca, Daniel, and Jolyn all together at the same time. I feel like the world would explode from awesomeness.

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    Replies
    1. And Bob and Cathie!

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    2. YES! If there is like a People's Choice Blogpost You Should Write, I vote for this one. All that awesomeness in one spot...

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  5. Something about this situation REALLY screams "karma!!!"

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  6. Is this the post-modern "The Odd Couple"?

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  7. When did you become Daniel?

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  8. This blog needs a "like" button for the comments and for the blog itself. My co-worker stopped mid stride past my desk as I was laughing so hard between the end of the post and the comments after. Love Stranger!

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  9. This describes my brother, BRILLIANT, can't change a flat tire to save his life. In high school, him and his marching band classmates completely disassembled the under the car spare tire contraption because they couldn't figure out how to tilt the bracket 90 degrees to release the tire from the cord.

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    Replies
    1. "he" and his marching band.....

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  10. THERE ARE TWO OF YOU?!

    This is called karma. Now, you take this new-found "voice of reason" and try to hold onto it next time you call Daniel in a panic.

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  11. But did she ever figure out how to park her car between the Ts?

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    Replies
    1. Who knows. She probably just left her car in the middle of the street.

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  12. From the title of this post, I really thought you had been accosted by Stranger fans in the street!

    "Your hair looks so great today, Eli! Marry me, Eli! Is Daniel single, Eli?"

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  13. You referenced http://basicinstructions.net/basic-instructions/2014/4/17/how-to-sway-someone-to-your-political-opinion-rerun.html without even knowing it, Eli. Careful you don't receive a "cease and desist" letter from Lionel Hutz, Esq.!

    Oh, and your hair today. Oh. Em. Gee.

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  14. Your hair looks delightful, but you didn't tell us that Daniel is blogging. Or at least it looks like him...maybe someone has stolen his identity and is blogging as if they were him? Anyway, if it's the REAL Daniel, I'm glad to see him blogging, too! You've been a great influence. Plus, now I've got two blogs to follow. :-) http://learningtotakethedive.blogspot.com

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