I looked at the calendar the other day and YOU GUYS. The Ironman is ten weeks away. How did this happen? Remember when I did the half Ironman in May and when it was over you guys were like, "you have PLENTY of time, Eli! Rest for a little while! Take a break! Your hair looks amazing and we all heard that NASA is planning on naming its next project after you because your hair has become the poster child for consistency in the world."

You guys. I remember you reassuring me that the full Ironman was so far away and that I had nothing to worry about.

Well now it's ten weeks away. I knew it was coming up because I was starting to get daily reminder emails from Bob and Cathie.

From: Bob and Cathie
To: Eli
Subject: ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING TO US?!?!

Son. Have you booked a hotel room in Tahoe yet for the weekend of the Ironman? Your father and I booked ours WEEKS ago and we had a hard time finding a place. We have been bugging you about this and you haven't been responding to us. It's making us very nervous. Why haven't you given us grandchildren yet? Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo.


From: Eli
To: Bob and Cathie
Subject: re: ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING TO US?!?!

You guys. I'm 30 years old now. Your need to be responsible for my life so ended like 2 years ago. I'm a grown up. I'll get a hotel room. Don't worry. And maybe I haven't given you grandchildren, but I've given you lots of love and good memories and in my book THAT'S JUST AS GOOD.

From: Bob and Cathie
To: Eli
Subject: re: ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING TO US?!?!

Well, try to do it soon. We would hate for you to have to sleep on the street. Also, we would like to trade in the love and good memories for grandchildren. Thank you. Xoxoxoxoxoxo

From: Eli
To: Bob and Cathie
Subject: re: ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING TO US?!?!

So I can't find a hotel room. Can I just stay with you guys?

From: Bob and Cathie
To: Eli
Subject: re: ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING TO US?!?!

No.

Xoxoxoxoxo


So now not only do I have to train for a freaking Ironman, I also have to try to get my parents to love me enough to let me stay with them. MY OWN FLESH AND BLOOD!

See if I change their diapers twenty years from now.

Note: My younger sister Micalyne will be doing ALL of the family diaper changing. She has experience having worked as a nurse for a long time in the Alzheimer's wing of a rest home where she was bit once on the chest so hard that the bite marks left in her skin are still one of the few man-made creations you can see from space.

The Ironman training has been trucking along just fine, although it has been somewhat difficult to stay on task. I'm doing this race all by my lonesome and it's the first time I've ever trained for a triathlon alone. The first time I had Daniel. And an endless round of Meow that Tune to keep me going. Then, of course, Brandt and I trained for the half Ironman together earlier this year. But as you can imagine, it's hard to find anyone who wants to waste their summer away training for 15 to 20 hours a week. Especially when a lot of that training is in a pool. AKA: HELL ON EARTH.

But I carry on. The September race approaches, and with it, an opportunity to finally and totally tackle a long-time dream. I'm nervous and excited.

This race has taken on much more meaning recently. My patience has been tried dearly in 2014. This has been a wonderful year for me in so many ways. But it hasn't been without its discouragement and tears. With each bike ride or run or miserable swim in the pool, I feel myself become more empowered. It's like pushing myself to do something that is hard each day serves as a consistent refresher that I'm in control of my own destiny, even if some hurtful things happen along the way. And no matter what disappointment I have to face, this race is something in my control. How it plays out doesn't depend on the actions of others. Success is mine for the taking. And I'll take it, or get miserably injured trying.

But seriously. Bob and Cathie could really do me a solid here and let me stay with them.

~It Just Gets Stranger