Tuesday, March 10, 2015

Joint Custody Woes

Matt: Here Ollie! You want some!?

Eli: Stop right there, sir. I've been meaning to talk to you about this.

Matt: Talk to me about what?

Eli: About your habit of giving Mr. Pants whatever food you happen to be eating.

Matt: And what's wrong with that?!

Eli: You are teaching him terrible habits and now he has come to expect it so I can never just eat in peace when he's here at my house because he's constantly barking at me.

Matt: What are you proposing here?


Eli: I'm demanding that you stop feeding him food from the table.

Matt: BUT HE'S HUNGRY!!!

Eli: Then he should go eat food from his bowl that now sits mostly untouched throughout the day because of all the crap you've been feeding him from the table.

Matt: Look at this face! (Matt holds Ollie up) How can I be expected to say "no" to this face?


Eli: Well since you aren't able to say "no" to that face, you are creating a very naughty dog.

Matt: GASP! (Matt covers Ollie's ears) HOW DARE YOU!?

Eli: I'm not kidding, Matt! Ollie is developing some bad habits and if we're not careful he's going to become one of the naughty dogs at the dog park.

Matt: OLLIE COULD NEVER DO ANYTHING WRONG NO MATTER WHAT EVER!

Eli: Well when he's working at strip club and sniffing glue we'll all know where to point the finger.

Matt: Like I'm the only one who teaches him bad habits. Thanks to you Ollie now has to sleep in my bed with me or he barks all night.

Eli: Don't you dare pin that one on me.

Matt: But it is because of you. You let him sleep on your bed, under the covers, and now he expects that of me too AND I HATE CUDDLING.

Eli: Well that's too bad for you because when Ollie and I cuddle it is pure ecstasy.

Matt: Not that you know what that is?

Eli: Exactly.

Matt: I wish I knew who was responsible for teaching him to be destructive with my furniture when I'm not home.

Eli: I'm blaming Rebecca for that one. That house of hers has no rules.

It takes a village to destroy a child.

~It Just Gets Stranger

16 comments:

  1. Don't even get me started on feeding dogs from the table...

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    1. Or drinking from crystal Lisa Vanderpump style!

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  2. I have a friend who used to bring tacos over once a week, and he always fed one to my dog (Molly the Wonder Dog), she now knows the word tacos and bounces around the room like a lunatic when she hears it...which would be cute except for she's a 90 lb lab mix. The t-word has been banned in my house and I now have to eat my t-words in secret outside the home, which, oddly enough, makes them even better.

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  3. I agree with you on that one Eli. Do not feed dogs from the table. My dog Trixie gets dog food only, along with dog treats, and we sometimes give her the occasional french fry or vegetable, etc...but only after we're done eating.

    Bad Matt...BAD! Where's that rolled up newspaper I had?

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    1. How are we just now for the very first time ever finding out that Lee has a pet name Trixie!?

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    2. I was thinking this EXACT thing!

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    3. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    4. Geez you guys are so nosy...CAN'T A GUY HAVE ANY PRIVACY!!!!

      No? Fine then...Trixie is my 9 year old cockapoo (half cocker spaniel, half poodle mix). She's the best dog EVER...along with Ollie of course. I'll email you a picture. We're actually thinking of getting another pup in June if the litter is ready. It would be a goldendoodle (golden retriever/poodle mix). They have a very good temperament. My sister has one and he's so lovable. Even though you're petting him and he's right up against you, he whines cause he wants to somehow get closer and get petted more.

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    5. Send a picture Lee! For Friday's post! I have come to read Eli's blog for your comments just as much as for Eli. And Eli, you hair looks especially nice today.

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  4. I don't like feeding dogs from the table, but I do love when my dog cleans up the floor during dinner! She's like a furry vacuum cleaner and a mop combined.

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  5. I am an incredibly permissive parent and so when I got a dog...yeah, you can just imagine. In the end the village (my friends and family) made me rehome my dog because I had ruined her with my ways. We could not go to the dog park and no one wanted me to visit with her. On a brighter note, my children have grown into amazing teens and people seem to genuinely enjoy their company...so I'm not all bad.

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  6. Feeding dogs from human plates is a GREAT way to have your pets become overweight and unhealthy. I'm totally on your side, Eli.

    Show this to Matt: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NQCwHluBqFc

    Obviously, I don't know the quantity poor Ollie Pants is getting fed from the table or how high in fat, sodium, and cholesterol it is, but except for the occasional treat, dog food is the best way to go. And sure it's cute when no one else is home, but when Matt has company over, does he want Ollie begging under the table? Habits once made are hard to break.

    I have no idea how she did it, but my mom trained the dogs we had when I was growing up to not even be in the kitchen when we were having a family meal. The dogs would sit right on the edge of the family room and the kitchen, lying on the ground, and by the end of the meal, haha, only their tails would still be in the family room, but they would still be on the ground, and they would never dare get up and come to the table or even have their entire body in the kitchen.

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  7. All the way through this post I was expecting the last line to say that you had swapped the names again and it was you getting in trouble for spoiling Ollie.

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    1. I thought the same thing!

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  8. Between the two of you, I don't know that any dog in the world is more loved. :)

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  9. Eli how do you know what a strip club is and about sniffing glue?? What's Cathie going to say?

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