Monday, September 7, 2015

Praise Be To Alanna

I have been relatively clear here that I am basically incompetent when it comes to technology or what the kids are calling "The Internets." And this is pathetic because I have maintained this blog for nearly 8 years now (OH MY GOSH YOU PEOPLE ARE GETTING SO OLD). I have also kept up a relatively active social media presence. 

But you guys. I don't know what I'm doing. This site is a mess. My life is a mess. Everything is a mess.

And every once in a while someone will freak out and send me an email or leave a comment that says something like "YOUR IN-TEXT ADS ARE RUINING MY LIFE AND YOUR HAIR ISN'T EVEN THAT GOOD TODAY!" And then I cry for a while and search the entire internets for "what the hell are in-text ads and how can I destroy them." And then the internets provide me no answers so I eat a bunch of candy and snuggle with Mr. Ollie Pants and forget about this.

Well, apparently for a while a lot of you have been seeing like 1,000 in-text ads in every post and it has truly been ruining your lives. I have been getting almost as many comments about this lately as I've been getting spam comments about herpes on a post I wrote in 2008 wherein I complained about canker sores (don't go looking for this post. My writing from that time now embarrasses me. But not enough to take the energy to go back and delete so I'll just ask you to respect my privacy. WE ARE ON THE HONORS SYSTEM HERE.)

So, finally, last week, while in Peru, I posted on the Facebooks asking for help from anyone who has any clue about anything and one Stranger named Alanna responded and told me exactly what to do. This involved deleting something called "code" and then burning sage all throughout my house. I did this and it apparently finally got rid of the in-text ads and now everyone thinks my hair looks good again (as opposed to just almost everyone). 

Then I posted on the Facebooks that Alanna is the wind beneath my wings and the stars and moon and sun and the apple of my eye and twice up the barrel, once down the side, etc. And I promised to name a star after her for her service to humankind. And she responded that she's now trying to choose which star to have named after her and that maybe she would go with Tom Cruise but Marilyn Monroe could be a better choice because she's dead and "won't be able to say no."

And oh my gosh, y'all (AND I DON'T EVEN SAY Y'ALL OR USUALLY PUT THE APOSTROPHE IN THE RIGHT PLACE). I think Alanna may be the greatest person who has ever lived in the history of living and if she needed both of my kidneys just for an art project I would rip them out right now and send them highest priority and pay for the extra in shipping. PLUS I would include a lock of Ollie's hair even if she didn't ask for it. I even just cleared a space in my house for Alanna to come live. And that space is THE MASTER FREAKING BEDROOM.

I'm sleeping in the garage tonight just in case she shows up. 

I also painted every single street in Salt Lake City red so that if she ever happens to be in Salt Lake City, it will be like the red carpet has been rolled out for her wherever she goes. 

I am going to start requesting that everyone in the world pledge allegiance to Alanna and consider her one of the newest Catholic saints. 

When Alanna is in the room, you should not start talking until she chooses the topic of conversation. STOP BEING DISRESPECTFUL TO ALANNA.

Thank you, Alanna, for fixing all of the problems I have in my life. And thank you, Strangers, for helping me over the years turn this space into something we can all connect through and enjoy together. 

You people rock Tami's world.

~It Just Gets Stranger

45 comments:

  1. Am I the only one who never saw these ads?

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    1. I never saw them either. Granted I'm never signed into anything when I comment.

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    2. If either of you use Adblock or any other type of ad blocking program, you wouldn't have seen them.

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    3. It also depends on which device you use to read the blog. If I read it on my phone or iPad, I don't have any problems. If I read it on my laptop, every 3 words was underlined twice and when I scrolled past it, a little thing would pop up to give me the definition of that word and try to get me to buy something.

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    4. Adblock really is the best invention on the Internet!

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    5. I didn't see them for forever, and then suddenly, they were everywhere (like, underlining the word "tiger" but if your mouse drifted anywhere near that word, you'd see an ad for diaper rash cream or something completely unrelated to tigers)... and then I dropped off the face of the planet for about a month or three, and they're gone. Praise Be To Alanna!

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  2. I only saw them when I used my laptop. My phone never showed them. Congrats on fixing the problem! All hail ALANNA :-)

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  3. If I have a fifth child I will name her Alanna.

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    1. My firstborn, boy or girl, will be named Alanna. I will also be legally changing my name to Alanna. Oh happy day!

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  4. Oh...I see how it is. HOW THE TIDES HAVE TURNED! I see Alanna is now your favorite. That's fine. I SAID THAT'S FINE STOP QUESTIONING ME!!! I am totally ok with this. I don't need you. You or your hair. I can get along just fine on my own. That's right...I am good. Good to go you might say. Go where ever I want. Plus, I have one of your other friends to be BFF's with anyway. Yeah me and Matt...wait..was it Matt or Kurt...or was it Wade? I don't remember it was one of them...BUT WE ARE TOTALLY BFF'S! Yeah! Me and whathisname...we're gonna do STUFF! Supercool stuff you wouldn't understand. So you go right ahead and be "super cool buddies" with ALANNA! No, I did not ROLL my eyes when I said her name. Psshh...you rolled your eyes. Anyway, I have super awesome stuff to do with Matt/Kurt/Wade...whatever...so I'm just going to chillax with him...them...now.

    So yeah...I am totally cool with this. TOTALLY! No jealousy here whatsoever...psshh. Cool beans all the way on this end. Coooool...beeeeaaans. Yeah!

    ...totally good...

    ...I'm fine.

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    1. But what have you done for me lately?

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    2. By the way Lee, I just posted something to Instagram from Canada. That was for you.

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    3. Dont worry Lee, you are still my favorite and the only reason I follow my bosses blog.

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    5. Ok forget Matt/Kurt/Wade. Brianne has now become MY new BFF. Now we can gossip and talk behind your back.

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    6. Clearly, Eli is going to regret naming someone else the wind beneath his wings. I am not doing anything he asks me to today!

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    8. *High fives Brianne*

      Being BFF's with you is clearly an upgrade. My only regret is we didn't start this friendship years ago.

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    9. Lee, I have a confession. Sometimes I scroll through all the comments searching for yours. Because they're always hilarious. So thank you.

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    10. Did you notice how Eli replied TWICE IN A ROW to your post? Desperate much? Jeez.

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    11. Whatever, Lee. He said my comment about Michael Jackson and Kenny Rogers was his favorite comment of all time. Or was it the one I posted about my black cat, Thirteen, saving me from a rabid bat? Either way, I may post less often than you but my content is more highly prized by Eli.

      Who is this Alanna anyway? She will fade away into the shadows from whence she came and we will be left to duel for Eli.

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    12. Children, please! Stop bickering! You KNOW that Eli can't be trusted to CHOOSE which Stranger he favors from one post to the next, much less for "all time"! Be content that at some point, he deigns to reply to each of us, at least once, letting us know that In That Moment, I/Lee/Angela/Anonymous/Alanna/etc. was/is "the favored one". He's a fickle little pickle-eater. We have to just bask in our moments, and when he returns to sing the praises of another, we'll do well to remember to uplift each other.

      Twice up the barrel and once down the side, I think is how the kids are saying it these days, right?

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  5. I just had Alanna's name tattooed onto my face.

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    1. Winner winner chicken dinner

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  6. I am blown away.
    I thought Queen for a Day on Facebook was pretty cool, but now I have an entire Stranger post in my honor?
    Amy and Anonymous: Alanna is a great choice for your next child's name. It's Irish for "Beautiful Girl" or Stranger for "Tom Cruise"
    Lee: I kinda skimmed through your comment, there were lots of long words, but the end says you're fine, so that's cool.
    Anonymous: Normally I'd say face tattoos were a bad idea, but I'm totally on board with yours.

    Not sure how anyone will get any work out of me today. Thanks, Eli.

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    1. Oh it's on Alanna...

      ...it's on.

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    2. I always check Stranger for Lee's comments. Now I will be waiting to see how you interact. Thank you for giving me more reasons to love Stranger and waste time. (Not that I needed more reasons for either of those. Let's move on, shall we?) excitedly waiting to see what Lee-lanna brings to the table...

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    3. Sandy, you win the internets today for the name mash up. Lee-lanna. Bwahahaha!

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  7. Even though I never saw these ads, I'm proud to share a name with this master of the universe, Alanna.

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  8. I've been following since 2013 and I've never seen any ads. Many times when you see those in-text ads on blogs or websites, it's because *you* have a virus on your computer or some freeware junk that got installed with a toolbar or something; it will do that. I run into this all the time, so don't automatically blame poor tech-challenged Eli. After all, it has to take a lot of time to maintain hair that perfect.

    Credentials: Undergrad IT student with over a decade of self-taught skills ;)

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    1. That was probably one reason it was so hard to fix. All the google results for "green text underline ads" assume that your computer is infected. My computer(s) definitely aren't infected with that, as the text only showed up on Eli's site, and no-one else's. As mentioned above, the reason you probably didn't see any ads was because you weren't using a PC with adblock turned off to read Stranger.

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    2. Agreed, wholeheartedly, since the fix was to change some code on the blog. I just wanted to throw it out there for anyone who might have assumed it was the blog and it really wasn't. So many times I've had customers get upset about similar issues when it's really some adware that got installed on their PC when they downloaded a free program. And yes, I have accessed Stranger without AdBlock and not noticed any ads. Technology can be weird, though, so who knows? Cheers!

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  9. Since we're discussing IT issues with the blog and all, here's one. More of a request, but I'm sure Alanna can help you figure this out. Or Lee. Lee's totally able to do this, I'm sure. PLEASE make your Friday distractions links open in a new tab/window. I can't tell you how many times I click the link, watch the chicken- or cat-related video, then CLOSE THE TAB to go back to Stranger. *face palm* *open new tab* *go back to Stranger* *click link* *accidentally close tab* *lather, rinse, repeat* You get the idea.

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    1. If you have Firefox or Chrome, I believe you can pin your browser sessions. I have Stranger pinned, so when I click on links it opens them in new windows. You can do that for now.

      Eli...I can't believe I'm even TALKING TO YOU. But I did a quick search, and if you go here:
      http://www.techrez.com/open-blogger-links-in-new-window/
      It tells you how to set your links so that they open in a new window without having to do what I said above.

      I can't believe I'm helping you. Uggh... And FYI, this does NOT mean we're friends again. I'm just doing this for all the cool people that come to this blog.

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    2. You can also click on the link with the little middle spinny majigger on your mouse and it opens the link in a new tab. :)

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    3. Or, right click if using your laptop's track pad to open links in a new window. Or, if you are on a Mac, hold down the control key while you click and that will open the link in a new tab.

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    4. If you're on a Windows computer, you can hold the Ctrl button while you click, which will also open a new tab. Then you can open them all at once and let them load, view them all in a row, then still get back to Stranger to read the comments!

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  10. Pfft. When I informed you about the ads showing up on your site (and no others), you told me that it must be on my side because you didn't see them (clearly taking a page out of SC's play book). I'm glad they're gone now :D Reading your blog is much more glorious these days!

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  11. Alanna is getting "stranger stalked" on facebook right about now, not by me, I'm just saying...

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    1. I stalked her through this blog real quick (I'm not on Facebook). Went to her websites. She writes books. Steamy books :wink wink: I may have to buy one. Not for me of course...*cough*.

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    2. I still <3 you, Lee. You've always been my reason to read comments here.

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  12. Thank heaven for Alanna! I actually really love that name. I was convinced those stupid ads were something embedded in my browser. Glad that wasn't the case and that I can scroll through your blog without clicking close on 5,000 obnoxious pictures. The next thing you should do, is learn how to make your Friday Distractions post links open in a new window. It's usually a setting in the hyperlink text box that says Target, and you want to set it to blank. If you do the html for your links yourself, you would just add target="_blank" after the website. Just a suggestion..

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