Tuesday, December 1, 2015

Christmas Sweaters

Recently I told you about how I went to IKEA even though it is the worst place in the history of all places and I'm even including the DMV in that.

That night was chaotic. Matt and I broke every single law of every country of the world just trying to get that couch home so Matt could put it together without any help from me whatsoever.

I didn't share with you, however, the most ridiculous thing that happened that night. This was because in the middle of all of the IKEA madness, something else happened and that something else deserved its very own post.

Matt had texted me in the morning that he had scheduled a very special adventure and he told me I needed to wear a nice Christmas sweater for it. I didn't know exactly what this adventure entailed, but he had already offered to pick up my IKEA couch and put it together and then take me to the airport later that night to catch a red eye flight so I figured I should just do whatever he asked at that point.

The thing he scheduled was at a store called West Elm in downtown Salt Lake City.


Apparently Matt had seen something on the store's Instagram account, advertising that they would have a professional photographer at the store available to take pictures of people with their pets. Matt immediately put this into his calendar. He didn't even just pencil it in. He wrote it down in black permanent marker. ON HIS COMPUTER SCREEN.

There was no way in Hell he was going to miss this. Terrorists could have captured him and shipped him to China and he still would have somehow found a way to make it to West Elm at 7:15 PM for the photo shoot with Ollie.

And so, at 7:15 PM on the dot, we rolled into West Elm and began.


Matt told the photographer he wanted pictures alone with Ollie, pictures of me and Ollie together, and pictures of all three of us.

The photographer positioned us on the couch. Like we were a family. In the middle of the store. With people shopping. While Matt and I had professional photos taken of us with Mr. Pants wearing a Christmas sweater.

And so we sat awkwardly together.

Eli: Matt, this is the new gayest thing we've ever done.

Matt: Ugh. I know.

Eli: . . . I'm super happy we're doing this.

Matt: OMG me too!

I asked Matt why he even wanted pictures of the three of us and what he could possibly want to use them for. The only answer he could give me was "I just want them."

Then I remembered that I maintain a site where I post nonsense that belongs nowhere else, so:








Hashtag we woke up like dis. 

~It Just Gets Stranger

43 comments:

  1. Eli, your hair is glorious in those photos!

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  2. HA! These are great! And definitely the gayest. And why did the photog MISS the yule logs in the fireplace? That flair was needed.

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  3. I still disagree with you about Ikea, but these are some of the best photos of all time, ever.

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  4. Ollie maintains same pose in 3 pictures...that faraway gaze. Probably thinking "how did my life get like this?"

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  5. OMG....Gay, Straight, or Other...You two are the cutest couple ever!

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    Replies
    1. Agreed. I feel like you two could be on the cover of a magazine together.

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    2. I also agree. Cutest.Dog.Dads.Ever.

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  6. Only a boyfriend would do what Matt does for you. So this is obviously for your holiday Christmas card because you three are the cutest little family ever.

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  7. Ollie is the cutest dog ever! I want a copy!

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  9. You guys are so cute I think the whole internet might explode.

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  10. Why am I laughing uncontrollably, all the while, in awe of these awesome pictures?!

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  11. Replies
    1. Too. True. Maybe he can crop them out.

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  12. Actually, I think Ollie has perfect hair.

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  13. America's next top models!

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  14. Will you guys please adopt me?

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  15. You guys even coordinated your shirt color, for the love of pete! These photos are just perfect!!! I have to say, that you look good Eli, but I think the edge has to go to Matt!!!!!!

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    Replies
    1. It's because he knows how to smize and I don't.

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    2. Don't forget that it's all about the squinch and the jaw now...
      https://youtu.be/ff7nltdBCHs
      https://youtu.be/Qe3oJnFtA_k
      Move over Tyra.

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  16. I bought Matt's same sweater for my toddler to wear for family pictures (he refused, by the way) and I was mocked incessantly by my family. My mother then named the sweater, "Robert Redford at Sundance."

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  17. Is this an official "coming-out" blog post? If so, congrats!

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    Replies
    1. This reminds me of "we're here we're queer get used to it!"

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  18. I'm sorry to say this but Matt is creeping up on the Best Hair Award. #truth#hewokeuplikedat#christmasmantle

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    Replies
    1. Thank you. I don't even have to brush it. #wokeuplikedis

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  19. I collapsed into a coughing fit from laughing so hard at this post. This is seriously hilarious!

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  20. I'm pretty sure in photo #4 the photog caught Eli asking Matt "What the HELL are we doing here?" through his teeth in a hushed whisper. You can see his lip is curled on the right ever so slightly. #olliepantswokeuplikedat

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  21. Eli - this is how much I love you....my IT Nazis here at the office seem to think that any image on a blog is going to either spontaneously combust and set the Internet on fire, or is pornographic. Therefore, they block 99.9% of images on blogs. The other .1% is reserved for cute cats and cacti. No, I don't know why.

    So, I had to go to my iPhone - which is NOT connected to the 'guest' Internets here, and this is why - just so I could pull up your site, grab the super-strong reading glasses (don't judge!) and then ooh, ahh, and giggle over you, Matt and Ollie-pants.

    And, #4 is definitely next year's Christmas card cover.

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  22. I am troubled by Matt's shoes. Discuss.

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    Replies
    1. I don't understand what all the fuss is. I think they look fine. He's dressed kind of casually. What should he be wearing?

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  23. I'm so glad we all noticed Matt's shoes, but other than that, these really are the most adorable photos!

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  24. Replies
    1. 2015's two hottest men. Can I get an amen!?

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    2. David Beckham has NOTHING on them - we should alert People Magazine of their existence!

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  25. My shoes are Cole Haan and if you know anything about shoes, that means they are amazingly comfortable and everything perfect! And I was purposely being casual because that's how me and Ollie roll. Thank you very much.

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    1. I love the fact that you read Eli's blog and the comments, and then respond to shoe complaints. :P They look very comfortable. Good choice.

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    2. Anybody who is complaining about your shoes is just jealous that they are not in the picture.

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  26. Haha. Oh my goodness. Love the pictures. So, back in 2004, when I was a student at BYU, I was rooming with my cousins. There were a lot of animals in our house (we had a waiver), and my cousin saw that a pet store in Orem was taking professional pictures that Christmas season. So, we totally did it. Our pictures are not nearly as cute as yours. But we were trying to juggle a cat, a dog, and two ferrets. It was difficult. You can probably imagine. Your pictures look amazing. Okay, I'm going to go email you our pictures, because I don't think I can put them in this comment.

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    Replies
    1. I took my goldfish to the pet/Santa photos one year. The Santa was actually kind of a jerk about it.

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  27. Everyone is hating on Matts shoes and I honestly didn't even notice them. Now I have to go back and look at what all the fuss is about.

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