Last night I got an email just as I was about to get ready for bed from someone at the office asking me to do some relatively time-consuming work by 9:30 AM the next morning. This meant that I basically had 12 hours to write a bunch of stuff that needed to be filed in court today.
I didn't know how long the proposed tasks would take me but if being raised by Bob and Cathie for three decades taught me one thing it's that when something new comes up on your to-do list, you immediately stress yourself out into oblivion, drop everything else you are doing, and ruin your life to get that thing done no matter how small the task and no matter how fungible the deadline.
Did I use that word correctly? Fungible? Fungible. Fun-gible. I put the "fun" in fungible. That word is starting to not sound like a word anymore. Did I make it up? Maybe I made it up. But the red squiggly lines aren't running underneath it, which means either I didn't make it up or I said it so confidently that the Internet believes it's a real word. And if I can fool the Internet into believing the word is real, surely I can fool it into thinking that I used it correctly.
I mean, come on, y'all. You're looking at the guy who got someone to add "twice up the barrel, once down the side" onto Urban Dictionary and another confused person to ask about it on Yahoo! Answers, wherein the person who answered the Yahoo! question amazingly referred to Urban Dictionary for the answer, WHICH PROVES that Strangers are now the rulers of the entire Internet. We have dethroned cats.
You may have gathered over the course of reading the last two paragraphs that the task about which I was emailed last night took a significant amount of time, which time it borrowed from the version of myself who likes to sleep in his bed between the hours of 10:00 PM and 7:00 AM.
But here I sit, now in the mid-afternoon, having been in my office since 10:00 last night, killing a few minutes before I have to go look like a zombie in a meeting, wondering if I invented the word "fungible." And wondering if I should use it in said meaning. And wondering if I didn't invent it and if maybe it has a sexual connotation. NOT THAT WE KNOW WHAT FUNGIBLE MEANS, CATHIE.
I need to go to sleep. Can I sleep at your house? It's the least you can do considering that I have offered to give all of you a kidney on at least twenty separate occasions.*
*I wouldn't actually give you a kidney unless you were Tami. Because she's connected to me so basically it just means I would be keeping it for myself. Which is selfish but also sometimes you gotta look out for number one. Also I would give you a kidney if you were Paul Simon and if you were I would actually propose that we trade kidneys and then glue our eyeballs together so we are constantly looking directly into one another's pupils with absolutely no space between us and then we'll need to hug all the time because that will be the most comfortable thing to do considering that our eyeballs are glued together OH MY GOSH I WANT THIS SO BAD.
~It Just Gets Stranger