Tuesday, February 23, 2016

THIS IS WHY WHAT IF PAUL SIMON!

Yesterday "Gretchen in PA," that being of wonder and light, commented on Stranger that Paul Simon announced that he would be doing a concert in Salt Lake City on May 22 this year. And this was my face.



And then it turned into this:


And then it settled on this for a while:


Then someone started taking a bunch of candid model shots without my knowledge.





Then I put some office supplies on my face. And it hurt more than I was expecting. 


So I went back to this.


And once I gained control of myself, I read the entire internet for more information and I discovered that anyone who has ever doubted the wisdom in doing all of the things I do because WHAT IF PAUL SIMON owes me a huge apology. Because y'all. Paul Simon is coming to Salt Lake City for me and for me alone. AND I HAVE NEVER EVEN SAID Y'ALL.

First of all, he is releasing a new album called "Stranger to Stranger" which is so obviously about the two of us that I guess this is even America anymore. And second, May 22 is practically my birthday so Paul Simon is coming to my home town for my birthday and we are probably going to have our arms amputated and sewn onto one another's bodies while he's here and then we'll go spend an afternoon playing at a McDonald's Play Place where we'll both try to go down the slide at the same time and we'll get stuck and they'll just leave us in there forever and neither of us will ever even ask for help.

I couldn't figure out how to buy tickets to this concert because the internet made it look like they weren't available yet but then Lee posted a link for tickets and even though it was probably a scam I immediately gave all of the money I've ever had in my entire life to that website without a hint of hesitation.

And on May 22, I will be sitting as close to Paul Simon as possible, sobbing hysterically while making facial expressions scientists didn't even know could happen on a human face. And even if Paul Simon walks onto the stage and says he has laryngitis and can't sing, it will still be the best concert I've ever been to in my entire life.

~It Just Gets Stranger

33 comments:

  1. Paul Simon would be an idiot to not want to do all those things you said he would do when he's in town. And I don't think Paul Simon seems like a very idiotic person. So we'll all come visit you at McDonald's's's's'ssses. If we want Paul Simon's autograph, would you be the one to sign it? Asking for a friend.

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  2. I've always wondered whether you really, really, really did like Paul Simon that much or whether it was one of the things that you exaggerate on your blog.

    Clearly, you are indeed his super fan boy. Is there a word for that? Simonite? There should be a word.

    I made all of those faces* when I found out that even though I live in Mexico, Pentatonix will be giving a concert about an hour away from me in Las Cruces, New Mexico. Now I'm trying to figure out how to make it happen even though I'm the mother of four young children (ages 1 to 7), and the baby is still nursing. There must be a way!!

    (*Okay, in all honesty, I didn't stick my glasses up my nose . . . )

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  3. Be my boyfriend.

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    1. Well, it depends only on this: Are you ready to do 15 months worth of laundry?

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    2. Has it really been that long since you've seen Daniel?

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    3. Wade took care of it for a while, I believe...

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  4. Oh my goodness I love you! And those photos are perfection! :D :D

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  5. It was meant to be! Why else with Paul Simon title his album "Stranger to Stranger". The stars are aligning, and it will be BEE-YOU-TEE-FULL!!!

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  6. This post is perfection.

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  7. Right when I commented on our last post, I realized you had published this one, which is also more fitting for my request, so at the risk of sounding like a very annoying broken record, this would really be the ideal time to have our very first Stranger family reunion.

    WE EVEN HAVE SHIRT IDEAS! Wouldn't it be interesting to see how many Strangers you could see/find at the Paul Simon concert? And all of us Strangers could have a game of Where's Waldo, I mean, Eli? Think about it. It could be EPIC!

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  8. Please tell all us strangers that you're bringing a friend to film you the entire time.

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    Replies
    1. Haha!! This was my exact thought too! That would be amazing!

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  9. I live in Memphis and online it was announced that Paul Simon will be at the Beale St. Music Festival on May 1st. I had to tell you!So, if you want to see Paul perform and eat the best BBQ this side of the Mississippi, head on over to Memphis in May. :) Also, you can use "y'all" as much as you want here. I use to think it was ridiculous until I moved here, but honestly, its much more convenient.

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    1. This is exactly how I felt about "y'all" until I moved to Texas, and now I have left Texas, but I took the "y'all" with me. Completely agree about its convenience. :)

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    2. You live in Memphis? I live in Southaven! Strangers of the greater Memphis area, unite!

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    3. My daughter served her mission in Dallas, Texas, so I've adopted the y'all. It's such a useful word, and sounds nicer than "you guys," which used to be my go-to expression.

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    4. I live in Memphis, too! Yay, Strangers of Memphis!

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    5. You know, Paul Simon once said "Graceland" is the best song he ever wrote. I feel like he was talking about you guys when he sang "I'm going to Graceland, Graceland, Memphis Tennessee. I'm going to Graceland."

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    6. I literally live on the same road as Graceland (just several miles south), which I guess makes me this blog's Graceland expert. As such, I must concur with your statement. Paul Simon definitely had us Strangers in mind when he wrote those inspired lyrics.

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    7. You guys = y'all. Get it right, Eli!

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  10. If you had Paul Simon's arms, would that give you the ability to play the guitar? I'm not sure how that works.

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  11. Eli, you must find out if they will have a Paul Simon meet and greet before the concert. Remember though, a meet and greet is not an appropriate time to remove your clothes.

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  12. I am so happy for you! You must have voted for Pedro because all of your wildest dreams are coming true!

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  13. Still...I'm terribly disappointed that there is no t-shirt voting option for "What if Paul Simon?!?"

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    Replies
    1. How did this happen? Please add it immediately to the voting options!

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    2. You're right! Eli, you need to make this happen so you can wear it when you see Paul Simon because WHAT IF PAUL SIMON?!?!?

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  14. If it doesn't work out I can snatch him up when he comes to middle-America in June. Because.

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  15. I've got mixed feelings here, as I find Paul Simon's music to be old people music (my inlaws listening kind of music But he did elope with Princess Leia...

    Hmmmm. I bet you could rock a metal bikini, Eli. Might be the secret to Paul Simon's soul. Just sayin'.

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  16. I AM SO EXCITED FOR YOU!!!!! I've seen Paul twice in concert and those are two of the best concerts I have ever been too in my whole entire 43 years of existence. And get this - as I was reading this post Edie Brickell came on my Spotify!!!! And I gotta also say that I'm so glad other Strangers are as creeped out by Tami as I am (sorry Tami - you's got not so many votes for t-shirts)

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  17. I dreamt two nights ago that Paul Simon was coming to my city for a concert and you were going to just happen to be visiting that same time (because apparently I know your traveling schedules now). So, I bought two tickets to surprise you with, but they came written out on a wooden spoon (because why not? That's entirely normal.) anyway, you were totally stoked and seemed to think the wooden spoon was completely normal.

    You're welcome.

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