Sunday, April 24, 2016

Bob and Cathie Need Each Other

Recently Bob and Cathie flew to Washington DC. The capital of the United States of God Bless America.

They had a layover in Denver. And for reasons unknown to their offspring, they felt it imperative to text all of us the step-by-step details of their every move. That's when we got the below text from Bob.

My sister pointed out the obvious. We had simultaneously been assaulted with a completely different account, as told by our mother.

The variation of accounts supposedly representing the same event was not surprising to us. Bob and Cathie are exact opposites from one another when it comes to storytelling. 

There are a lot of ifs in this next sentence so try to stay with me.

If Bob and Cathie were on the Titanic and if they knew what Twitter was and if they actually tweeted and if they had wifi on the ship and if they weren't busy drawing each other like one of your French girls, their Tweets would have probably looked like this:

Cathie: Disaster! Calamity! Conspiracy? The ship went down. Hit by a mEtEoR! Everyone screaming! My heart will go on!!!! XOXOXO! Be good!

Bob: The ship sank.

I have heard Cathie tell the story of flying to Ukraine in 2005 no less than 467 times. The following are exact quotes from the 467 identical tellings:

"The plane went UPSIDE-DOWN at one point!"

"The pilot came out of the cockpit and ran all the way to the back of the plane. SCREAMING."

"I heard a flight attendant asking people if anyone knew how to fly."

"People were jumping out of the back of the plane. We landed with half the people we started with."

"Eli, why haven't you given me grandchildren yet? Do you hate seeing your mother happy?"

To be clear, the Ukraine flight was completely innocuous. According to Bob, Cathie was actually asleep for most of it. 

Unfortunately they seemed to have had the same Ukrainian pilot on their Denver to DC leg.

I appreciate that she anticipated, accurately, that Bob wasn't going to back her up.

One thing is for sure: my sisters belong to Bob and I belong to Cathie. If the pragmatic family members leave us, Cathie and I will be dead by the end of the day.

But we'll have a great story to tell about it.

~It Just Gets Stranger


  1. OMG!! This had me giggling in Church!
    "Wrong as ringworm" is my new favorite Cathie quote. Maybe we should get t-shirts. Hint, hint, wink, wink.

    1. "Wrong as ringworm," is a phrase used by a character called Wilson Sam (?) in Season 1 Episode 1 of Skinwalkers: the Navajo Mysteries. It's on Netflix.

  2. You forgot my favorite quote from the Ukraine flight: "l looked out the window and the wing bent right in half during the flight."

    1. Thank you for posting this Krishelle.

      I was wondering if Cathie was really as bad as Eli when it comes to exaggeration or if Eli was just exaggerating how bad she was but your response confirmed the former rather thank the later.

  3. I love our parents! �� They are the best!!!

  4. 😂 thank you. I have family flying to Estonia today so this was beyond perfection.

  5. Gotta remember "wrong as ringworm." Definitely going to find a way to use it in the office this week.

  6. That's exactly how my husband and I are!

  7. You and Cathie tell stories like I do. :-)

    Oh, and I refuse to take any flight that requires a layover in Denver because I was almost murdered by drug dealers in Denver once. That's a TRUE STORY!