Sunday, June 26, 2016

Wedding Dress Shopping

An obviously-candid shot of Rebecca and her lucky man.

Eli: Wait. How did I end up here?

Rebecca: What do you mean?

Eli: How did we get to this store? I don't even remember getting in the car with you.

Rebecca: Hahahaha. What do you think of this one?

Eli: What's it for?

Rebecca: My wedding dress!

Eli: I seriously don't understand how I ended up wedding dress shopping with you. I swear I was just in my house alone and I have absolutely no memory of ending up here looking at wedding dresses.

Rebecca: That's nice. Here. Hold this one, too.

Eli: How did I end up holding 7 wedding dresses in a store with you?

Rebecca: What do you think of these shoes?

Eli: Did you drug me? Are drugs responsible for this?

Rebecca: Eli McCann, you know very well that this is one of your duties as Man of Honor for my wedding. I have come into town so you can go shopping with me.

Eli: No. I have been Man of Honor at two previous weddings and I was required to do nothing of the sort.

Rebecca: What were you asked to do if not help plan the wedding and go wedding dress shopping and weed my flower beds at my house?

Eli: Becky, I invented manipulating friends into doing yard work. That isn't going to work on me.

Rebecca: Ugh. Fine. But the rest of the stuff is a basic Man of Honor requirement.

Eli: At my last two weddings all I was asked to do was look super good in a suit and make a lot of uncomfortable jokes at the wedding dinner party. And explain sex to the bride.

Rebecca: Ok, well I'm certain that nobody asked you to do that last part--

Eli: THAT DOESN'T MAKE IT ANY LESS VALUABLE--

Rebecca: But all I want is for you to help plan the wedding, pick out my wedding dress, and then all of the typical wedding ceremony stuff.

Eli: And what does that include?

Rebecca: Mainly just walking in front of me and dropping rose petals on the ground.

Eli: Um . . . I think you're thinking of the flower girl.

Rebecca: No. I'm pretty sure this is your job. You carry a little cute basket full of white rose petals and you walk in first and drop them on the ground.

Eli: Yeah. That's the flower girl's job.

Rebecca: I'm pretty sure the flower girl does something else.

Eli: Her title is literally "flower girl." They could not have been more descriptive about her role.

Rebecca: Oh, and when you walk in and before you start throwing rose petals you'll loudly announce with a wave of the arm, "may I present her royal elegance, lady of the late, minister of the town, her highness, Rebecca."

Eli: That doesn't even make sense.

Rebecca: And you have to say "Rebecca" with a French accent or it won't sound right.

Eli: Have you run any of this by other grownups?

Rebecca: Look! This dress has bells all over it! Here. Hold this one. I'm going to try it on.

Eli: You should sell tickets to this thing.

And now, your Strangerville Short of the week.


~It Just Gets Stranger

11 comments:

  1. Gorgeous picture!

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  2. Love the Short! This is my favorite porch story.

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  3. Don't forget to roll out the red carpet after you announce her and before you start with the rose petals.

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  4. WHOA!!! That's my old pal Robert (from San Antonio) marrying my older (as in longer period of time of knowing) pal (from high school) Rebecca!!! Mind BLOWN.

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    1. Now you'll have to go back and reread all of the Rebecca posts with this new knowledge!

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  5. Rebecca's wedding sounds amazing. Can you please skype us all in?

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    1. Or Facetime. I don't care which.

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  6. You're playing the stereotype too well.

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  7. Eli -- Seeing as you sometimes write about current events and national tragedies, I'm curious to know your thoughts (both personal and from a legal perspective) about the college student who performed the equivalent to a late-term abortion and was just sentenced to life in prison (https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/morning-mix/wp/2016/06/28/no-more-baby-sorority-sister-gets-life-term-for-tossing-newborn-into-trash-to-die/). I ask because I know of the skill and passion in your writing, and your large and engaged audience. This sentence was passed on the very same day that the Supreme Court ruled yet again in favor of a woman's right to have an abortion. What this girl did was no different than what many do with late-term abortions. Her conviction must be reversed immediately out of respect for the right to choose to have an abortion. I trust that you support a woman's right to choose, and hope you consider sharing your thoughts on this subject.

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  8. Hey Anonymous - As a woman, a liberal, a feminist, etc., I have to throw my two cents in and ask whether killing inconvenient people is really where your priorities lie. Let's make long-term birth control free. Let's stop making it prescription only (which is ludicrous). Let's hand it out on street corners. Let's radically modify adoption procedures so eager parents can take unwanted children. Let's educate and fund prenatal health initiatives. Let's beat down (through patient words and active persistence) everyone who thinks women shouldn't have the right to access birth control freely and without shame. Let's focus on changing our culture to support women when they are the ones who visibly and physically and emotionally pay the price of pregnancy. But for goodness' sake, let's not say "well this person is inconvenient. Let's get rid of 'em". That is the way of passed-down oppression and shame and violence. Just because your camp supports it doesn't mean you have to.

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  9. FWIW, I'm pretty sure Anonymous (June 29 at 5:06) is playing us. The message is so incoherent that it cannot come from a sincere place. I think s/he's playing at pro-choice to make pro-choice people look monstrous. No pro-choice person would think that giving actual birth to an actual baby and then killing it is "equivalent to a late-term abortion" and "no different than what many do with late-term abortions." No pro-choice person would see these two things as remotely similar (also, the "many" is a tad misleading; <2% of abortions are performed at or after 21 weeks, and, from what I understand, those are mostly because of severe risk to maternal health or severe fetal abnormalities). I don't buy Anonymous's shtick. Just as Donald Trump betrayed his lack of awareness of the pro-life movement and its principles with his "the women must be punished" meshugas, Anonymous betrayed her/his lack of awareness of the pro-choice movement and its principles by pretending to condone birthing a child and killing it. Whatever side they're on, people of good faith recognize that these conversations are difficult, emotional, nuanced, and complicated, and they recognize that people on the other side actually can be people of good faith; these difficult and important conversations deserve better than obfuscation and trickery.

    Also? Eli deserves better than to be baited by this nonsense.

    -Lia

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