Woman: Thai restaurant, can I help you?
Skylar: Yes, you can, thank you.
Woman: Ok . . . how can I help you?
Skylar: Well, my friend and I would like to have some Thai food tonight and we were wondering if that was possible, by chance.
Eli: [whispering] Why wouldn't that be possible?! Why are you wasting time with this question?!
Skylar: Shhhhhhhhh! I'm being polite!
Woman: I think that's possible. We are open until 10:00.
Skylar: Well, we are both very tired and so I don't think we are interested in dining in and so we wondered if it would be possible to order some food that we could pick up and then take home with us. IF IT'S NOT TOO MUCH TROUBLE.
Eli: Just tell her you want to do a take-out order.
Skylar: That's what I'm trying to do!
Eli: Then just say "take-out!" You don't have to define it for her! She knows what that is!
Skylar: Be quiet!
Woman: Excuse me?
Skylar: Oh, not you. My friend keeps trying to talk over me. We're both very tired. We've had very long days. In different ways, though. Well, kind of in the same way. We are both tired from work, but we both do different things for work.
Eli: WHY ARE YOU TELLING HER ALL OF THIS!?
Skylar: I'm being polite!
Woman: So you want to order take-out?
Skylar: Oh, is that what you call it?
Woman: I think that's what everyone calls it.
Skylar: Well, in that case, I would like one order of Pad Thai.
Eli: TWO! You want TWO orders of Pad Thai!
Skylar: Stop it! I know what I'm doing!
Eli: You are ignoring my needs!
Skylar: And I would like that to be very spicy.
Woman: Ok. Anything else?
Skylar: Yes. Now I would like a second order of Pad Thai. And I would like that to be not as spicy.
Woman: So, two orders of Pad Thai? Anything else?
Skylar: Yes. [Skylar orders an absurd amount of additional food for himself, like he often does, and this makes no sense because he is a very thin man]
Woman: Ok. That will be ready for you to pick up in 15 minutes.
Skylar: Thank you! We will start driving over there soon. You are ten minutes away so we will leave in about five minutes so we get there in 15 minutes.
Woman: . . . ok. Bye.
Eli: Ok, sit down.
Skylar: I'm not looking for a critique on this.
Eli: Well then consider this a fun surprise. First, why are you sharing all of this personal information? Homegirl is not interested in why you want take-out.
Skylar: You don't know her! You don't know her needs!
Eli: Second, you don't need to explain the concept of take-out to them like it's a brand new idea that you came up for restaurants and you are letting them in on the ground level of your innovation.
Skylar: I don't know her! I don't know her life experience!
Eli: But most importantly, you ordered the food wrong.
Skylar: HOW. DARE. YOU. Wait, what?
Eli: You ordered it wrong. You're supposed to say, "I would like two orders of Pad Thai, one spicy and one not spicy."
Skylar: No. My way is the correct way. You order one of them first, and then you order the second one. EVERYONE knows that.
Eli: You sound like someone who has never spoken to other humans. You order the bundle of things, and then explain the caveats. It's more efficient this way.
Skylar: No. The way I did it is linear. It's easier for people to understand and remember, and it's the most effective way to make sure they get the order right.
Eli: You are unAmerican!
Skylar: You are unChristian!
Eli: I DON'T THINK WE'VE TAKEN THIS TOO FAR!
Skylar: I DON'T THINK WE'VE TAKEN IT FAR ENOUGH!
So, yeah. I need you guys to tell me who is right. Assuming you can make sense of the above.
P.S. Skylar just read this and called me "E-Liar!" which is a fun new name he has started using to combat my calling him "Skliar!" during this very hostile presidential campaign season.
P.P.S. This is an actual Facebook profile picture Skylar has used, so please take that into account as you weigh the credibility of our arguments listed above.
And speaking of two people hyperbolically arguing about a difference in opinion, enjoy this week's Strangerville Short about last night's presidential debate.
~It Just Gets Stranger