Tuesday, January 24, 2017

America's Spirit Animal

So I just realized that last week I was supposed to announce the winner of the Strangerville Live raffle. But I didn't do it because lazy. And distracted. And also sometime around Wednesday I started thinking I had black lung. Then I thought it was just pneumonia. Then I thought maybe it was Plague. Then I binge-watched Bob Ross on Netflix and forgot I was sick until just right now.

So now I'm wondering if I have Swine Flu. And also I just realized that I've been wearing the same shirt for 48 straight hours. Like, legit, I've slept in this thing even. And I didn't notice until just right now. And this is especially sad because I've been to work in the last 48 hours. Twice. And also I can't totally promise that I'm going to change by tomorrow. I can promise that I plan to sleep in it tonight.

I got distracted again. See? It's very confusing to be me.

The point is, I finally drew names from the raffle. I actually wrote the names down on little pieces of paper, put them in a hat, and drew one. And I just realized right now that I covered my eyes when I did this, I guess so no one would think I was cheating. Which seems a little silly now considering that I'm home alone and nobody could see me anyway.

Well, except for The Perfects, who I found out recently can see directly into every single window that faces east in my house. I discovered this, or rather re-discovered this, on my annual awkward obligatory visit to their front porch to deliver banana bread the week before Christmas. And as I looked over at my little home I suddenly had flashbacks to all 367 days in 2016 during which I walked through my house

A. Completely naked.

B. Wearing something I only wear when I think nobody can see me.

C. No, B is not what you think.


E. Why am I making a list?

The point is, I shut my eyes to do the drawing in case The Perfects were watching through their window and now I kind of hope they were because then they can back me up when I say that I totally didn't cheat when I drew names.

And in my totally-honest name-drawing, I pulled the following name: Helen J.

So Helen, shoot me an email and I'll give you the top-secret instructions to get in the door on February 23.

In other news, I visited my 86-year-old grandma last weekend in California and this is a real conversation we had:

Grandma: I can't believe it's already time for you to go.

Eli: I know. It's always so hard to say goodbye to you.

Grandma: And you didn't even ask me if I wanted to go clubbin'.

Eli: Yes I did. Last night at 8:00 I asked you if you wanted to hit the clubs and you picked up your crotchet needles and walked out of the room and went to bed.

Grandma: Did that really happen?

Eli: Yes.

Grandma: Oh dear. I guess I just don't hear things like I used to.

Eli: I'll say it louder next time.

Grandma: Ok. And then we can hit the clubs aaaaaaall night. Well, until 9:30. Or 8:30. Do they have any drive-through clubs where you don't have to get dressed up or get out of the car?

And then she mimicked dancing in a sitting position.

My grandma is everyone's spirit animal.

~It Just Gets Stranger


  1. I love your grandma. I have goals for my later years because of her.

  2. Every time you write about the Perfects, my dyslexic brain reads Prefects, and the only Prefects I know are in Harry Potter books. So, um, yeah--what house are you sorted into? (I'd assume lawyers are in Slytherin, but you do seem to be more Weasley than Malfoy...)

    1. I used to read that too; you're not alone.

    2. I tend to skim read, and I see that sometimes, too... but my mind goes to Ford Prefect in Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. Ford was an alien posing as a human... so... it kind of fits. ;)

    3. Once again I am proven to be older than everyone else in the Strangerville universe because when I see "Prefect" I think of Ford Prefect and Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy. And I have no idea about the Harry Potter books. I mean, I *think* they are about a little boy doing weird things, but then again, that could be my nephew, so...

    4. Just fyi: I took the house test on the Harry Potter website a few months ago and I got Gryffindor. I didn't really care which house I got as long as I didn't end up in Hufflepuff.

      My patronus was really disappointing. I'm embarrassed to say it's an aardvark. I don't know what this says about me, but I'm certain it can't be good.

    5. I'm a ravenclaw myself, but don't hate on hufflepuffs, have you seen Fantastic Beasts and Where to find them? Newt Scamander is a hufflepuff and he is a beautiful and amazing being

    6. I should admit that I kind of cheated on the quiz. When it asked questions about bravery I made sure to indicate that I was as brave as is humanly possible.

      But I was pretty brave to admit this, so . . .

    7. Gryffindor, Sphynx Cat. Funny, my second cat as a child was named Sphynx. BTW, LOVE your Booty Shorts!

    8. Having nothing more exciting to do this morning I decided to also check out my house and patronus, and also find myself dismayed? Appalled? First, it tells me my patronus is a "grass snake". I don't even... and then it puts me in Ravenclaw when I was sure as anything I would be hufflepuff. My whole world is... who am I?

    9. Amy that makes you a Slitherclaw like me.

    10. Ah, yes, giving it a title and knowing there are other people out there who are "like me" have suddenly made it seem not so weird? awkward? Slitherclaws, unite!

  3. A drive through club...... this needs to be a thing! You should suggest to your nan that she go on Dragon's Den with this idea

  4. You totally sounded sick on the podcast - I am sick so I commiserated and told my child to add your name when he prayed for me to get better before bed.

  5. By wearing the same clothes every day you are conserving water. You are a good American.

  6. This post sounds like my son when he forgets to take his adhd meds...

  7. I have been watching Dr Who (11th Doctor) with some of my kids lately so his voice was in my head as I read this and it fit perfectly. Also, my four year old likes Bob Ross and will now take the broom to paint the walls a la Bob's intro segment.

  8. I would totally go clubbing if I could do it without putting actual clothes on or getting out of my car.