Tuesday, February 7, 2017

I Am Legend

Skylar, looking like a hipster on our weekend snowshoeing excursion during which we had the below conversation.
Eli: What would you do if you had an I Am Legend situation and you suddenly woke up one morning and had the whole world to yourself?

Skylar: Are there zombies?

Eli: No. No zombies. Just all of the people have disappeared and the whole world is yours.

Skylar: Suicide pill.

Eli: But what if--

Skylar: Suicide pill.

Eli: Wouldn't you want to--

Skylar: Suicide pill.

Eli: There is really nothing you would want to do before taking a suicide pill?

Skylar: Nope. I don't want to live in a world without dogs.

Eli: I didn't say anything about dogs disappearing. Just people.

Skylar: Oh. So I still have my dog in this scenario?

Eli: Yes.

Skylar: In that case, I would take my dog on hikes in places where dogs aren't typically allowed.

Eli: Ok. What else?

Skylar: That's it. Just lots and lots of hikes. And we would probably go places where dogs are already allowed, too.

Eli: The entire world is yours. You can do literally whatever you want. And all you would do is take your dog on hikes, even some hikes you can already do today?

Skylar: Yeah.

Eli: You wouldn't at least go give yourself a tour of the White House or walk around the mall naked or charter a yacht to Fiji? Nothing?

Skylar: Nah. Just take my dog hiking.

Eli: You are a freaking weirdo.

Skylar: Why? What would you do?

Eli: I would drive a $200,000 car to Chicago and see if I could start a fire big enough to burn the entire city to the ground. Then I would cook a ton of steak and eat it until I fainted.

Skylar: . . . and I'm the freaking weirdo?

So, yeah. Your turn. What would you do if you woke up tomorrow and everyone else the world had disappeared so you had the whole planet to yourself?

~It Just Gets Stranger

46 comments:

  1. Wait..... Skylar has a dog?? You must have a rocky relationship? An uncomfortable past? Otherwise we would have been introduced and imaginary-adopted it like we have Ollie, Teddy, and witto tiny adorable Mr. Doodle. Please confirm asap.

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    1. I thought Teddy was Skylar's dog...

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    2. Teddy belongs to Adam. I've mention Skylar's dog before (in that post when he told those hikers that she was a Norwegian Ridgeback). The dog actually lives with Skylar's parents in Portland. Some might argue that this is, therefore, Skylar's parents' dog and not his. But those some should never say this out loud unless the some wants to suffer the wrath.

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    3. I totally get it. My kids still call Cosmo their cat even though Cosmo lives with their grandparents now and we only see him once a year and on FaceTime calls.

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    4. Pretty sure half the time my kids still call Cosmo Jill's cat even though they have only ever really known him at mom's house!! It's legit.

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  2. Given that we've already established that my dogs have NOT disappeared ... I would visit all the libraries and read all the books. And hope I didn't end up like that Burgess Meredith episode of Twilight Zone and crush my only pair of spectacles.

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    1. You win best obscure reference of the day.

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    2. "I understood that reference..."

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    3. I understood THAT reference.

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    4. Obscure shared cultural references are the best!!!

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    5. Yes!!! That episode nearly gave me a heart attack. WORST NIGHTMARE.

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  3. I need to know why you hate Chicago so much that you would burn it down first thing. I'm assuming because cold but idk.

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    1. I don't hate Chicago. I just really want to see if I'm capable of burning a large city to the ground by myself and Chicago has some history with that.

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    2. All you need is a cow and a lantern. Easy peasy.

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    3. Atlanta burned as well. That could be your backup city in case the Chicago thing didn't work out.

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  4. Read all the books. Do I still have electricity and internet? Watch all the shows/movies-the good ones anyway. In between, I did the hiking idea. When I have hiked everywhere I can on this plot of land, Find a book on boats, learn everything, sail the world.

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  5. I'm much too practical for this exercise. Things wouldn't work if I'm the only person on the planet. Who is going to turn on the gas pumps for your drive to Chicago? Who is going to butcher the meat for all of those steaks? Who's going to keep the electric grid running????

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    1. Obviously in my hypothetical, everything keeps working, magically. Disneyland without lines!

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    2. Well if that's the case - yes - I'd go to Disneyland and ride all of the rides over and over and over - and go to a theater and watch every movie I've ever wanted to see on the big screen. I'd swim in the ocean and visit Rome and Sydney and Hawaii. I'd take naps in a hammock and drink milk out of the carton. And I'd spend a lot of time reading.

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  6. As a Chicagoan, can you please do that. It really really really really needs it. I could use a do over!

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  7. I think I would go on an epic continental roadtrip with an endless supply of audiobooks, music, gasoline, and food, since I would have all of the gas stations, grocery stores, and librarys/bookstores at my disposal.

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  8. I'm with him on suicide-pill-without-dogs and on the hiking. I understand why and all, but I'm still irritated about rules on dogs in national parks...

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  9. Suicide pill. Skylar is right.

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  10. My first thought was that I'd fly to the Caribbean and lounge around on the beach and eat and drink all I want since there's nobody to judge me. But how can I fly there with no pilots? And who would cook me all this food and make me all these drinks? So I guess I'd have to drive all the way down to like the Keys, with my dog of course, and then find someplace I can cook my own food. But that sounds kind of exhausting. So maybe I'd just hang out and take my dog places that she can't normally go... sort of like Skylar actually.

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  11. I think it would be awesome for a week or two but after that, I'm with Skylar. Unless I woke up with a dog, and then I would go on a tour of all the roadside attractions in the US.

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  12. ...have you seen Last Man on Earth? They kind of cover this scenario. But, (spoiler alert!) it turns out he's not really the last man on earth and therefore it's a show of LIES.

    I would go to all my neighbors houses and let out all their doggies and form a dogpack and we'd just wander the US and see all the sites I haven't visited yet. Yellowstone, Mount Rushmore, all the waterfalls everywhere. We'd just steal cars and food along the way, because no one else needs that stuff anymore.

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    1. It wouldn't even be stealing at this point, rather just living off the land :)

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  13. Besides the Skylar plan, which is a wonderful plan, I would walk around the mall naked. But probably only once. I'M NOT A PERVERT!

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    1. 😆🤣😝 hey can we comment with emojis now? I didn't really Think this would work. Eli, on your honor, if those emojis don't come through do not post this. Thanks old pal, knew I could count on you.

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  14. At first, my heart rejoiced at your "Disneland without lines!" comment. Clearly, that's what I would pick! But then I thought back to a time in my life when I worked at Disney World and experienced some of this. First of all, after going to the parks several times by myself, I determined that a Disney visit is not as fun unless you're there with someone you love. If I'm all alone in the world, there's no one to share my Disney joy with. Not so fun.

    Second, empty Disney parks are creepy. I worked some late shifts and got to walk down a completely empty Main Street to get to the bus to take me home. It was cool but surreal. I've walked through entire lands devoid of people on an evening in the off-season. Eerie. One weekend, I went to the briefly reopened Wonders of Life pavilion at Epcot before they closed it for good. I got to ride Body Wars by myself. It's the same ride simulator as Star Tours, so imagine getting your own private car for Star Tours. It was... surprisingly lame. (That also could have been because Body Wars was kind of boring.) That was weird enough. But the rides are running themselves now in our little hypothetical? That's the stuff of nightmares!

    To answer your question, I'd probably enjoy the binge-reading and TV-viewing that other people have said. Maybe travel to some places around the world I've always wanted to see. But after a week or two of no people, I'd get lonely.

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    1. Yes! '05 MK, Main Street Daily Ops! You?

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  15. Properly attired in only a Snuggie, I would roam the Earth freeing all the caged animals and looking through every medicine cabinet in every home I passed.

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  16. I think I'd drive really fast so that I could get to work on time more often

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  17. Like my other Stranger friends, thoughts of reading and traveling come to mind. But I'd like to add a little twist... I'd love to visit all of the restricted areas in old libraries, museums, galleries, historical monuments. And by the power of magic have a book that listed all of the secrets and how/where to find them! Wouldn't that be amazing?!

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  18. I would search until I found someone else. I would die walking, looking for another human.

    In a magical, less literal situation though, if the questions is if I could do anything I want it would be to read all the books without feeling guilty about neglecting my husband and kids. Small pleasures.

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  19. I posted a very thorough and detailed response this morning, but it was either lost in the aether or censored. Was it the part where I said I'd impregnate myself with frozen embryos that I found in a fertility clinic in an attempt to perpetuate the human race? Because I still maintain that that was a good idea, despite sounding quite creepy, and my friend Charles Darwin totally agrees.

    I'd also like to point out that I used my lawyerly skills to discover a good loophole in this hypothetical: Even if I'm the last person left on the planet, I can still use a ham radio to contact the astronauts who are up in the international space station, which should help with the loneliness and also perhaps with the perpetuation-of-the-species problem (although frozen embryo transfer is still a good idea to increase genetic diversity and mitigate the serious genetic-bottleneck problems that would occur from this severe restriction on the gene pool).

    Never ask a lawyer a fun frivolous question unless you're willing to receive an unfun serious response.

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    1. Omg be my lawyer. (No censoring here. The internet must have eaten your first comment)

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  20. First, I would go to the Met and the MOMA and touch all the art. Then I would go to the Museum of Natural History and ride the dinosaur skeletons and the big whale. Actually, I think I would mostly just go to museums and historical sites and touch all the things you're not supposed to touch.

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    1. There are still rules! You can't go touching everything! Chaos!!!

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    2. I can't hear you, since I'm the only person on earth and I'm living in Franklin Roosevelt's House!

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  21. I would visit the CIA headquarters and read all the classified information, move into a castle, wear all the free designer clothing until I get sick of wearing clothing and then eventually just go naked or wear sweat pants (high heels would never be worn in this scenario, regardless of couturier or sweats, obvio). And, as many have mentioned, I would binge watch/read every media option available.

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  22. Oh completely selfish here, I'd go into the most amazing jewelry store and take all the most amazing baubles and trinkets. ALL OF IT!! Every single one of those overpriced, beautiful sparkly adornments would be mine.

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  23. I feel like most days I already live in a world devoid of people. I seriously don't even know why I have a phone or an email account. No one ever contacts me. My life is in a really sad place right now. I'm trying to accept that and also change that. I'm fairly comfortable with myself. I am definitely an introvert. and I've already traveled more by myself than most people travel in their whole lifetimes. so I would continue to travel and probably do crazy things like fly planes or captain ships that I really have no business doing, but would because no one else would be at risk if it killed me. also, I would loot everything. I would go into people's homes and look through all their most private things to try to figure out what gave people meaning and happiness and what their biggest secrets were.

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