Sunday, September 9, 2018

Susan

First of all, Strangerville Live is THIS FRIDAY. Come, please. We even ordered in some extra chairs so more people can attend and so we'll look really popular. But seating is still limited, so if you can make it, get your tickets HERE or HERE or HERE or HERE (those all go to the same place. OR DO THEY?).

Two cranky ladies will be checking names at the door (hi Anna and Emily thanks for working for me for free all the time and not filing sexual harassment complaints against Jolyn).

Second of all, to get you excited for Strangerville Live, here's an episode of Strangerville!



Finally, last night Skylar and I walked two houses down to Lynne's place for a backyard party. Lynne's backyard is like something out of a hipster magazine. She has two gorgeous patios, one with a perfectly-manicured tree canopy completely covering it, the other with a wisteria tree growing over the top of a pergola surrounding it. Both patios are lit by flame and bistro lights. And you've probably never even heard of it.

Look. I don't have good pictures of any of this. I snapped one shot of one of the patios from the back of the yard halfway through the party. This is it.


This isn't a photography blog. Go to the Space Jam website if you want quality.

The invite list to this party was exclusive, and apart from me and Skylar, it consisted 100% of senior citizens.

Not an exaggeration. The average age of the party was around 68.

Within minutes, Skylar was swooped away by a woman named Kris, who he has repeatedly told me he might leave me for, and I was cornered by a self-proclaimed wine connoisseur named Susan, who had a LOT to say about eHarmony.


Things I heard while a glass of Merlot sloshed around in her hand:

1. "If I see one more handlebar mustache in a dating profile I'm going to have the next man I see body-waxed."

2. "All the men in my dating pool are looking for a nurse or a purse and if they try to take my purse they're gonna need a nurse."

3. "I'm not dying until I meet someone who knows how to contour an older ginger woman's eyes because I will not be put into the ground looking like little orphan Annie who didn't find a Daddy Warbucks and instead became a prostitute."

4. "There isn't a winery in Northern California that doesn't know my full name."

5. "An 86-year-old man messaged me on eHarmony and I thought, 'does this face look desperate to you?' I mean, I'm not 86-year-old man desperate. I'm definitely 76-year-old man desperate, though."

6. "We still have yearbooks at my age. And they get delivered daily. They're called obituaries."

7. "Before my parents died if you showed up at their house at 6:00 in the morning they would immediately ask you if you wanted a mimosa or a bloody Mary. This is probably why they died."

I walked her and her dog to her car at the end of the very long night. I told her as I said goodbye that I liked to write and that I planned to quote her extensively when I wrote about the party. She responded, "don't forget to tell them I'm beautiful."

Susan is beautiful. And I love her.


And now, information about this week's Strangerville:


This time in Strangerville, Eli’s mother is the world’s most supportive Instagram follower. Also, a woman gets sucked into the WebMD black hole.
Story
Hypochondria, by Meg Walter
Production by Eli McCann and Meg Walter

~It Just Gets Stranger

12 comments:

  1. Pure gold from Susan! You need more dinner parties with these old people. My crazy old lady neighbor just tells me how much good Trump is doing and makes several racially charged comments against the neighbors... And I live in Seattle!

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  2. OMG I just saw my future, and I'm not sure how I feel about this.

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    1. Future you and future me will be sharing the same soul . . .

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  3. First - I think you met "houses" instead of "housed"

    Second - I think you actually meant that you time traveled 20 years into the future and met future me.

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  4. I'm coming to UT for Strangerville! I'm equal parts excited for the show and nervous to bring my sister in law, who hasn't read the blog and knows nothing about the stranger world. It'll be fine, right? Right? We're only a little weird here, as long as Tami stays home...

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  5. Grape lady falls! Oh my goodness. It’s the worst but I can’t stop watching! Loved the podcast today.

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  6. I fully expected "Space Jam website" to be a hyperlink to the quality website. I'm too lazy to search it out for myself.

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  7. Just when I didn’t think I could appreciate Eli more he referenced the Space Jam website.

    And then explained why he and Skylar might leave each other for older women. Love love love!!

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  8. Susan for an episode of Strangerville!

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  9. Can you ask Susan to regularly guest-post on Stranger? Like, right now? We'll wait.

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  10. Susan and I would get along swimmingly, what a delight, I bet she has some amazing dating stories! And sadly, even at 38, the dating pool is looking for a nurse or a purse. I might have to share #6 with my mom, she'll enjoy that one.

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