Tuesday, January 15, 2019

Wedding Planning Part II

I'm caught in the the nine circles of Hell right now.  This is because I'm suddenly required on a much more frequent basis than I signed up for to visit or view pictures of places where homosexuals can get married to each other.

Yes. We are in venue-hunting season, and it is exactly eleventy times more miserable than I predicted.

I keep doing this thing where I tell Skylar that I don't care what we do and he just needs to choose whatever he wants but then when he gets close to making any decisions I jump in and make him feel as much doubt as possible about his choice. I don't know why I do this. It's like wedding planning occurs at the intersection of the controlling and apathetic parts of my personality. You know. The one with manipulation right on the corner.

Skylar would likely have elected not to marry me by this point if he wasn't so excited to invite everyone he has ever met in his life to the world's most expensive party. With each passing day I become slightly less relevant to his relationship with this wedding.

But for real. Why do we need flowers? Can fun not be had and nuptials not be formalized without floral arrangements? Can't we just save those for funerals? Did you know that flowers cost $200,000? They do. I don't know why this is the case. They spontaneously grow in parts of my yard for free.

Which reminds me: what's wrong with our backyard? Is it not possible to get married in a backyard? Why does Skylar just laugh when I bring this up? Is it the size? Because I have a solution for that: LET'S NOT INVITE EVERYONE WE'VE EVER MET.

Did you guys know that there are people who make videos of your wedding and then put them in slow motion like it's a country music video from the 80s and then they charge you $200,000 to do this? I don't plan to look good enough to want to see myself in a slow-motion music video from the 80s so can't we just skip that part?

Have you guys ever heard of something called "ceremony fee?" We've been told by multiple venues that in addition to the cost to rent the space, we'll be required to pay a "ceremony fee." I haven't gotten a clear response to my questions about what, exactly, that is. And when we mentioned that we don't plan to have a ceremony because we don't think we could get through one without laughing, they said that we have to pay it whether or not anyone is walking down any aisles.

The ceremony situation is still TBD. Initially we thought we would just get married at a courthouse and then have a little party after. But then everyone Skylar has ever met in his life found out about this and threatened to commit mass genocide. So now we have to promise not to leave each other no matter how fat I get in front of our families. Which, to be honest, is probably good. I'ma need some witnesses for that. And maybe the rest of it has some value too. Because in 10 years when Skylar is like "I'm leaving you because you don't shower anymore" I can be like "AND WASTE THE CEREMONY FEE THAT WE ALREADY PAID."

Also, what the hell is this?


I found it when I was googling wedding stuff. Am I going to be expected to do that? I don't look good in white. It washes me out. Also I have hyperactive sweat glands.

I must be on at least the fourth circle by now, right?

~It Just Gets Stranger

28 comments:

  1. This is just the beginning...

    ReplyDelete
  2. Eloping would be my second choice. Living in sin is my first choice but Skylar seems like the marrying type.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Is this Eli posting anonymously, or is Skylar secretly en-gay-ged to someone else?

      - Anon2

      Delete
  3. If I could do my wedding over I would do what my cousin did or something similar.
    They rented/booked a restaurant and had an open bar. They served pizza and salad. Had live music and small speeches. They also gave out wedding favors - shot glasses and koozies. The also still got gifts.
    They then left and got married in Hawaii just thet two of them it was also their honeymoon. The sent thank you cards with a picture of them holding a "just married" sign and used the hashtag #jesdoesdallas

    ReplyDelete
  4. Everything costs $200,000 for weddings. Each part. Which is only one reason I opted out of the crazy celebration part: wedding + luncheon + then we vamoosed.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Have you heard of Dave and Busters (named after two guys, so great place for a gay wedding)

    ReplyDelete
  6. Spend the money where it counts. Good food, good beverages/open bar if you choose, and a good photographer with a venue that makes you comfortable and had a place for the photos. You’ll take the memories of time with friends and family and the photos out of the occasion. Costco has beautiful, affordable flowers if you’re willing to go with simple arrangements!

    ReplyDelete
  7. We did a flash mob ceremony downtown Grand Rapids, MI during ArtPrize! It was amazing! Then we just had a small luncheon at our house.

    ReplyDelete
  8. We walked a block and a half to the courthouse, filled out the forms, paid the fee, kissed, then walked back home and took my kids out for lunch. Viola! Haven't gotten around to the honeymoon yet.

    ReplyDelete
  9. We had $5,000 for a wedding. But we also needed $500 for rent on our terrifying little apartment, so we spent $4,500 on the wedding. The florist was sweet but didn't have the flowers I like (fair enough, they were wildflowers). The hairdresser made us all look a bit ridiculous. The photographer was a joke and I literally came close to an actual brawl with him. The DJ played music I didn't like after I gave him a huge list of songs we do like. Moral of the story? Either pay a fortune for GOOD wedding people, or skip them altogether so you can spend that money on something you don't hate.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Do NOT say the word wedding with venues, caterers, etc. The price goes up when the word wedding is mentioned. Tell them it is a milestone birthday party or something along those lines. My daughter-in-law had a caterer tell her he would charge $8.00 for a glass of lemonade. She laughed in his face and he called her cheap. She learned to not say wedding for future inquiries.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. When we got married soooooo many years ago in Chicago we came to this very conclusion. Saying the word “wedding” made the price double. My husband asked the limo people, “So, if I have you pick up a group of people from a hotel, take them somewhere, then come back to the hotel. How much would you charge?” Their response? “So this is a wedding. The cost is $200,000”

      Delete
  11. DO NOT HAVE THE WEDDING IN YOUR BACKYARD!!!! You think the stress is bad now—when it involves your home it is even worse. My son asked to have his wedding in our backyard. Like a good mom I said yes. I have NEVER been so stressed in my life. My idea of what the backyard should look like and my husband’s idea was polar opposite. The wedding was lovely, but I don’t think I enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed my daughter’s at a venue. Choose a venue

    ReplyDelete
  12. Yeahhhh... weddings are insanely expensive. My best advice is just understand that something will more than likely go horribly wrong. BUT while it will seem like a disaster on the day of it'll give you something to laugh about for the rest of your life. Also, agreed with the comment that mentioned Costco flowers. They have some of the cheapest pricing for bulk flowers.

    ReplyDelete
  13. I may have mentioned this before - my wedding cost $3000. Granted, it was almost 20 years ago, but still . . . .

    My advice: Call in EVERY favor anyone possibly owes you! This is how we did it:

    DJ - friend of my husband with a 100-disc cd changer . . . even easier today with digital music.

    Catering: We bought the food, a friend of mine did catering on the side and gave us his services as our wedding gift.

    Photography: My husband's uncle. By the way - part of my Year of New is doing more photography - I'll come take your pictures!

    Video: My husband's cousin.

    Chapel decorations: donated and set up by a friend.

    Reception decorations: donated and set up by a cousin and his wife.

    Beverages: 2 kegs and a few cases of wine bought at World Market. Friends "bar tended"

    Dress: bought through an outlet

    Transportation: My father-in-law's 76 Vette

    Flowers: Donated by my husband's friend who owns a greenhouse

    Seriously - EVERY FAVOR YOU HAVE OUT THERE

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I agree with Nicole for the most part. My one caveat to that is make sure that you don't ask people to work during your wedding that you would normally invite to the wedding as guests. You want to make sure that the ones you want to enjoy the wedding really get to enjoy it, and those working aren't distracted or disappointed because they couldn't participate in this that or the other. I have friends who are photographers, but when I spoke with them about the situation, they told me they would rather be able to enjoy versus work at the wedding.

      Also, figure out what is most important to you, regarding the wedding. What do you want to remember most from that day? My priority was cake, a coffee stand, and the photographer. I wanted to make sure no one would be on their phone during the ceremony, so I even made sure I had two photographers for that part of it.

      You can do it for very little money, and the wedding industry is legit a scam, but remember that there are certain things worth spending a little more money on as well.

      Delete
  14. Another way to think about it ... Do you want this to be your first wedding? Or your only wedding? I got re-married May Day 2017 after having been divorced for 26 years. We decided that neither of us plan on ever doing this wedding thing again, and that we wanted it to be fun for us and our guests. Best decision I ever made was working with a wedding planner. Skylar's from Portland, right? If you decide to have it here, I know an awesome wedding planner, officiant, and photographer. And they won't even cost you $200,000.

    ReplyDelete
  15. First wedding (and ill fated marriage): Huge monstrosity that costed my parents oodles of money.
    Upcoming Second Wedding: Justice of the Peace. 50 family & friends at a restaurant with good food and open bar. No flowers. No photographer/videographer (everyone takes their own pics anyway). I'll be the DJ. Friend is making us a cake as our gift.

    Big weddings are a ton of fun, but not necessary. Save your money; put it toward something that actually matters.

    ReplyDelete
  16. I just got married in May and the cost of flowers was insane! I ended up using a florist that was referred to me by a friend. I looked at her previous work of course. I gave her a color scheme and the type/shape of arrangements that I liked. I let her run free from there. She saved me a lot of money by putting all types of flowers together that were in season and that she could find great deals on. I thought it turned out beautifully!

    ReplyDelete
  17. Spend the money on the videographer and photographer. 100% worth it in my opinion, as they are the only things you'll have afterwards to remember it by (besides your own memory, of course...). I watch my wedding video all the time! I used Mckenzie Deakins (photographer) and Ryan Hinman (videographer) for my wedding and they are both so awesome. Look them up. (both located in SLC)

    ReplyDelete
  18. I just wanted to second what someone said above about avoiding the information that things are for a wedding if possible. Also, unless they've changed how they are doing things, I got my cake from Sweet Tooth Fairy for my wedding a year and a half ago, and it was WAY cheaper than any of the other places I had looked into. They didn't charge extra for weddings. It was a fee for the size of the cake and the level of decoration you wanted and a delivery fee, and that was it. Wedding planning was not my favorite, but marriage has been great! Good luck!

    ReplyDelete
  19. The important part is the MARRIAGE, not the wedding and all its trappings. Yes, flowers and good food, and leafy bower with bright sunshine are wonderful. But the commitment you two make to each other, is the ONLY thing that matters. The rest is just stuff. Don't break the bank-- the most important piece is the person you've already chosen.

    ReplyDelete
  20. But, we’re all invited, right? Bear that in mind when choosing a venue...

    ReplyDelete
  21. If all else fails, you can get married at Voodoo Donuts. Or, rather, you can threaten Skylar with that whenever wedding planning gets out of hand.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Cactus and Tropicals!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  23. First of all, you don't fool me. (I'm bad with names, but) You officiated at a wedding and you helped a friend that did some wedding that involved a picnic at a park (right?)
    AND you have beautiful, fashionable friends. You've got this!

    ReplyDelete
  24. This is why I got married on a ferry going into Seattle (before Grey's anatomy ever did it). Other than paying to get our cars onto the ferry it was free and then we had a small BBQ on my in laws property a month later. Over all, I believe everything was less than a thousand dollars. Good luck.

    ReplyDelete