Sunday, May 17, 2020

Apple Watch

Tomorrow is my birthday, which you all know because of the outrageous celebrations you have planned. We decided to carve out some time for it on Saturday, even though my actual birthday is on Monday, since Skylar could actually give about twenty-five seconds to celebrate with me.

Skylar's big board exams are in like three weeks so he hasn't spoken more than three full sentences to me since about February. He has started about a thousand sentences, but he's only fully completed three. We spend the majority of our day working from home in adjacent rooms where, if you were eavesdropping, you might hear:

Skylar: Hey . . . [twenty second pause]

Eli: Yeah?

Skylar: I was just . . . uh . . . thinking . . . [twenty more seconds]

Eli: What were you thinking, Sky man.

Skylar: Huh?

Eli: What were you thinking?

Skylar: [non-sequitur humming a Taylor Swift song that is presumably not directed at me]


Because I'm an exceptional and flawless human being with golden locks of hair that have literally prevented wars, I have been very patient with this. I saw it all coming two years ago when he started medical school. I knew I'd live a quiet and lonely existence while he studied for this test.

What I didn't anticipate was being cooped up in the house during the entire three months he would be laser focused on this thing.

A couple weeks ago on Strangerville Meg was like, "yeah, this social distancing thing is tough but imagine living alone during this," and I was like "totally" but then I got thinking about it and I realized that I am basically living alone during this except there's a ghost that I have to cook twelve meals a day for.

Part of my coping during this time has involved a crazy amount of running. Seriously. I have never run this much in my life. I've gotten to a point where I am going on 12-15 mile runs every other day now.

And I know what you're thinking. "OMG Eli. You are a perfect person with long beautiful legs and remarkable ability to light up a room with your smile. Also, your jawline is perfect and we love the shirt you're wearing today."

And while that crap you all thought about me is true (and I'm super embarrassed and I'm blushing and stuff), to be clear: I'm not running so much because of dedication or anything. I'm doing it because my alternative option is to sit in the house where Skylar will start and not finish sentences directed at me from 7:00 AM until midnight, his study hours. I'm not kidding you about that study schedule. That's truly not an exaggeration.

What's been making the running thing worse, though, is I've become obsessed with my iPhone health tracker, which tells me how many steps/miles I go each day. And it charts it out and everything so you can see graphic evidence of whether you are becoming a better or crappier person. And every day I look at this thing and I'm like "yesterday I took 21,341 steps so today if I take fewer than that, what does that say about me as a person and whether it's possible to love me?"

Well, Skylar read the room on that so for my birthday he got me an Apple Watch.

Side note, before I got married I always thought gift giving within marriages must be super weird because if you have combined finances receiving a gift basically means you bought yourself a birthday present. I'm here to confirm that it is, in fact, weird. But also, it's fun to open a box and see what thing I've bought myself against my own will?

Skylar told me the Apple Watch would keep track of all these metrics I've become obsessed with, but it would do it without me having to carry a giant phone in my right hand for a 15-mile run.

What he didn't anticipate is that this device would give me a whole new thing to start obsessing over because, friends, Apple Watches take your pulse!

You guys. I have spent 24 straight hours staring at this thing and trying with all my might to slow my heart down. I literally woke up every hour last night and frantically checked my sleeping heart rate to see how I was doing. I hit a low of 42 beats per minute, but then when I check it I get an adrenaline rush so my heart ends up spiking to like 70.

It's all very thrilling. And kind of terrifying. And I'm pretty sure my heartbeat is being broadcast to the Illuminati so they can control my political beliefs.

But I don't care. I may not have a husband who speaks to me, but I have a new budding relationship with a piece of technology wrapped around my arm.

I feel alive again.

Please enjoy some Strangerville:


This time in Strangerville, our brains are turning to mush. And a woman receives a very strange letter from somewhere on the frontier.
Story:
Mystery Letter, by Jocelyn Henricks
Production by Eli McCann & Meg Walter


~It Just Gets Stranger

21 comments:

  1. No gifts during marriage? What an absurd idea! Gifts are an acknowledgement that you are celebrated as more than the person in the next room who cooks twelve meals a day for you.

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    1. One of the reasons I got married was so someone was legally obligated to give me gifts on regular intervals . . . .

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  2. I adore my Apple Watch - one of the things I love is that I can share my activity with others who have Apple Watches. All the people I share mine with are much less active than I am so I feel super fit when I compare the activity levels. Mind you - I'm NOT super fit - they're just all lazier than I am.

    Also - my pulse generally sits around 90. I don't know why - it's a family thing - my mother had a super fast pulse - my son has a super fast pulse - I have a super fast pulse . . . .so I think your 70 is perfectly fine.

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  3. James totally does the same thing every time he has his pulse checked. His greatest accomplishment was having a machine flat line even though he is still very alive. 🤣
    I on the other hand have started exercising without tracking time, distance, or anything really, and I find it strangely liberating.
    Happy Birthday Eli! Still looking for the perfect toaster key chain for you. 😉

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    1. Why am I not understanding this reference???

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    2. I meant to send you one for your wedding after we chatted at your party at Krishelle's, but then my brain on two kids didn't...and still hasn't because there is a shortage of good toaster key chains!

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  4. I'm living the same nightmare. Except that my husband hasn't shaved, or even showered for like a week. It's like living with Sasquatch. I catch occasional glimpses as he emerges from his lair to use the bathroom. Also, I don't get to be a doctor's wife when he's done. :(

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  5. Happy Happy birthday, Eli, dear!
    Happy days will come to you all year.
    If I had one wish then it would beeeeee,
    a happy happy birthday to you from me!

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  6. I do live alone, and I very much prefer it because I don’t doubt I’d be ready to murder another person if I were stuck in close quarters with them right now.

    I have not worn my AppleWatch since this started though.

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  7. I am the worst marriage gift giver. I'm far too practical. My love language is "please don't spend money, we're on a tight budget". I do try, but every gift attempt to my husband ends up being ok at best. He's far more thoughtful and romantic and I just can't seem to think that way!

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  8. Happiest Birthday to you, Eli!! 💙 ❤️ 💙

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  9. Happy Happy Birthday!!

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  10. Happiest of birthdays!

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  11. Eli, every word of this is perfect and deserving of worship. I hope your birthday is amazing and your ghostly Sky Man rematerializes to complete many sentences of adoration.

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  12. Happy birthday from the internet!! My husband's birthday was the 9th and today his gift finally arrived. I am really terrible at gifts most of the time. He always complains about towels so I bought him very fancy bath towels, like 2000 thread count. I thought he would love them. His response, "towels?" But you love towels and complain about them so... Glad he waited over a week for them ..ugh...

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  13. I’m so proud of myself for how high my creepy stalker level has gotten, I was just thinking a day or two before you posted this that I thought it was almost your birthday. Ten points to me. Also, my husband and I are the “here, I got you a cheese grater for Valentine’s Day” kind of people. Gift giving is the very bottom of my love languages - I just don’t really know how to do it.

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    1. My husband last week said if I hadn't gotten him anything for father's day yet he would like a wheelbarrow . . . . a wheelbarrow!?!?!?!? Gift giving is absolutely one of my love languages and I just can't imagine giving him a wheelbarrow for father's day!!!!

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    2. Yep a wheelbarrow is exactly the kind of thing I would get him, if he needed it. (We already have one. Probably a birthday present from years past.) I haven’t even thought about Father’s Day, but I did buy him a $6 tshirt at target that I have been hiding for a long time, probably dig that out and give it to him.

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  14. I need a pic of that vegetable bouquet!

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