You guys.

I've been really stressed about something on the Internet.

Well, I've been really stressed about a lot of things on the Internet because I'm not a sociopath and I have Internet access. But there's one specific thing that I'm going to tell you about today.

For some time I've been obsessively checking all of the animal rescue websites in Utah to see who is looking for a home. I don't know why I do this to myself. For about a thousand reasons I can't take in another dog right now.

So all I do is look at all of these doggies with their sad doggy eyes and their sad doggy mouths and their ratty shelter doggy hair and I can hear them crying and saying "why can't you love us? You could save me but you are choosing not to. Why?" and I start getting choked up and part of me is like "TAKE THEM ALL, ELI" but then another part of me is like "YOU USED TO HATE ANIMALS WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU" and then the first part of me is like

and then the second part of me is like "oh yeah." And then I go give Duncan so much kisses.

A little while ago (weeks? months? I have no idea) I saw Arnie online. And I have been rooting for Arnie every day of my life since then.

I don't know why this one has captured my attention so much. Maybe it's because he looks like he might be missing an eye. Maybe it's because he's 7 years old so I know he's already going to have a harder time finding a family. Maybe it's because the only picture they have of him is blurry and it makes me so sad that they didn't even give him the respect of a sensible photo shoot.

But you guys. Look at poor Arnie!

I don't know what landed him in the homeless shelter at age 7 but I just feel like he's probably seen some stuff, especially because the website says that he prefers a home without other dogs or children, which I think is code for "poor traumatized little thing."

And I keep thinking about little Arnie sitting in his sad cage, wondering if he'll go his whole life without ever experiencing a single moment of happiness and IS SOMEONE CUTTING ONIONS IN HERE STOP IT THE SUZZZZZZ.

It keeps making me think about when I picked up my Dunkin Punkin and he was so ratty looking and he weighed 7 pounds and looked malnourished and when the lady handed him over to me he was shaking and he dug his little claws into my forearm. He stunk like he had come from the sewer and he was just ready to clasp onto anything that wouldn't hurt him. My eyes literally welled up with tears and even though I wasn't sure if I was ready to get a dog I yelled at the lady "HE'S COMING HOME WITH ME."

I got Duncan home and bathed him (it took three intense baths to get the smell out) and fed him and gave him a comfy place to sleep and that dog transformed. We should have filmed it and released it as an episode of Queer Eye.

I don't know much about Duncan's history but I know there was trauma in it. He was abnormally skittish for the first year of his life (and still is, a bit). He has a major phobia of confined spaces. It was impossible to crate train him because if I ever put him in his cage he would have a severe panic attack and slam his body against the cage, screaming until I let him out. When he rides in the car with me, as soon as I put the car in park he starts frantically scratching to get out because he's terrified I'm going to leave him in there. The phobia is so bad that when they put the cone of shame on him when he got neutered (may his balls rest in peace), it wasn't safe to leave it on because it gave him major panics.

Fortunately Duncan has been a super good dog in all of the other ways and so I'm able to give him free rein of the house when I'm away at work without worrying that he'll become destructive. He's sweet to people and other animals (with the exception of cats) and he's an amazing little companion.

I think about what a loss it would have been if Duncan hadn't been rescued from whatever his situation was because he has turned into an incredibly happy dog who has made my life a thousand times better.

Maybe Arnie is the spawn of Satan. But I doubt it. I mean, look at those little eyes. I mean eye. Dammit.

But I've just been really sad about Arnie for a while now and I keep checking the website every day to see if someone has rescued him yet. If I knew how to use the social medias, I would totally find a way to make #prayforArnie trend. And basically, I'm sick of carrying this emotional burden alone, so I want you guys to carry it with me.

We're all pulling for Arnie now.


~It Just Gets Stranger