As you all know, since everyone is focused on me at all times, as I have asked you to do on many occasions (even though I should not have to ask), I have been writing a humor column for The Salt Lake Tribune for the past three years.

("What?! Three years already!!!?? No way!!!!! You look way too young to have done anything for THREE YEARS!!!!" omg srsly stop it you guys I'm blushing, which somehow makes me look even cuter.)

It all started because a reporter for The Salt Lake Tribune reached out to me to talk with me about a story she was writing and she thought I might have some background information that could be useful to her. I met up with her, for I love attention, and after twenty minutes it became apparent I was completely useless to her.

But as we were saying goodbye, she was like "you should write a humor column for us. We can pay you nine cents, a tube of Chapstick, and a lap dance." I don't think she actually offered that anyone would give me a lap dance, but sometimes you just hear what you want to hear, you know?

When Skylar got home from work that day I told him "I now have a humor column with The Salt Lake Tribune" and he was like "do you have time for that?" and I was like "no 🙂."

Then he looked me straight in the eyes (all three of them!) and said, in a tone I can only describe as "pharmaceutical legal disclaimer on an ad for incontinence medication," "Eli. You cannot write about me in a full ass newspaper without my prior written consent."

I assured him that, of course, I would never in a million years dare to share any story about him without verbal and written signoff. And then I spent the next three years dumping roughly 50,000 words of stories and photographs documenting his life, like I was his own specifically-assigned anthropologist, without once warning him in advance of publication.

Skylar has reported on many occasions being at work in the middle of popping some stranger's zit with salad tongs (I don't know if that's what he does all day. I've never asked.), when the patient suddenly says some variation of, "I've read all about you in the newspaper."

It's so fun for us.

Writing for the Tribune has been a wild and funny ride for me, and the columns have done quite well, or at least I've been told by my editor on many occasions. Then usually I'm like "can I have a raise then?" And then everyone laughs and changes the subject.

Finally, this year, a publisher by the name of Signature Books said they wanted to publish these columns. The Tribune was on board, and I told Skylar later that day that I was now putting together a full ass book. He was like "do you have time for that?" and I was like "no 😊."

But I wanted to do it for about 100 reasons. Reason number one, when Skylar one day sues me for libel, I want him to have print media and literary evidence to submit to the court. I want him to be really successful in his lawsuit. I love seeing that man succeed. What can I say. I'm his biggest fan.

But also, the Tribune's content is behind a paywall and I know a lot of you are not in Salt Lake City and don't have reason to buy a subscription to our local paper. This book, with every column I've written in the past three years, is a way for you to access all of it, organized and without having to hunt down the content.

The columns are all stories from my life, ranging from childhood to present day. I write about new fatherhood, dating, travels, and what it feels like to lose the innocence and self-confidence of youth. The columns lean toward humor, but not always.

I named the book "We're Thankful For The Moisture," a nod to a common Utah phrase we sometimes utter when we are inconvenienced by rain or snow that we know we need. I think I named the book that because the phrase captures exactly how I often feel about many of the life experiences I've written in the book. Also, because I think the saying is funny.

The book includes cartoons drawn by award-winning cartoonist, Pat Bagley, who has sometimes submitted his work to go along with my stories.

I'm super excited about it. The book comes out February 17, but it is available for preorder now on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Bookshop, and several other places across the internet.

Preorder for the ebook will be available next month, as will the audio book, recorded by Yours Truly. I will keep you posted on both of those.

I would love to have you check out We're Thankful For the Moisture, if for no other reason because I'm currently number 1 on Amazon in a couple of categories and I'd like for it to stay that way since I'm competitive.

This feels self-congratulatory and self-promotional, but I want to share one blurb from the back of the book written by Gabrielle Blair (known to many of you as "Design Mom"). I mean, this website is, if nothing else, a forum for self-promotion.

"Hilarious, poignant, heartwarming, heartbreaking, and universal. Eli McCann captures the experience of a Mormon upbringing, married life with his husband in Utah, and what it was like to exit his religion—all with clear-eyed honesty, insight, tenderness, and scar tissue. We're Thankful for the Moisture is a casual, easy, and joyful read, and that makes it all the more piercing and moving." Gabrielle Blair, New York Times best-selling author

Thank you to so many of you who have supported me and this very stupid website for so many years. Writing this column and now publishing this book is a genuine, true, specific dream come true for me, and I mean it very very seriously when I say it would not have happened without your support, encouragement, and fostering of community since I began writing here to you fifteen years ago.

I'm thankful for the moisture, but even more so, I'm thankful for all of you.

Hugs and kisses and lap dances.

Eli

~It Just Gets Stranger