Rebecca: And GUESS WHAT ELSE?!

Eli: No. I don't have time for this. We said we were going to be getting work done right now.

Rebecca: I know. But the pillow barrier fell over.

Eli: Huh?

Rebecca: I put up this large pillow to block my view from you. But then it fell over.

Eli: And?

Rebecca: Well it was working really well. I wasn't tempted to distract you by talking when I couldn't see you. Because I'm basically like a horse and if I can't see you sitting there, I think you're probably not there.

Eli: I am so concerned about you.

Rebecca: But then the pillow fell over and I saw you sitting there and it reminded me that I need to tell you something.

Eli: Ok. I feel like that absurd explanation just earned you a couple of minutes of talk time.

Rebecca: I was thinking about how I want to get to know so-and-so better.

Eli: Why? Because you think he's hot?

Rebecca: Eh. He's fine. He's like ranked the same as you.

Eli: And what am I ranked?

Rebecca: A 7. An 8 when you wear a suit. A 6 when you really need a haircut.

Eli: I'm sometimes a 6?!

Rebecca: Don't stress about it. There are a lot of ones through fives who would be happy to have what you have.

Eli: But I'm striving to be a 10!

Rebecca: Eli. Brad Pitt is a 10. You're never gonna be a 10.

Eli: What about if--

Rebecca: No.

Eli: Not even if--

Rebecca: No.

Eli: But--

Rebecca: Look. I'm a 6 through 8 as well. It's really a perfectly acceptable place to be. Being a 10 is impractical. Because looks fade. And plus, when you're a 10, you never know why people are really being nice to you. We always know why people are nice to us.

Eli: Because of our charm?

Rebecca: No. Because we give our friends candy when they come over.

Eli: Oh. Good point.

Rebecca: And the sooner you stop wasting your time trying to be a 10, the sooner you can devote that time to eating candy. AND CHEESE!

Eli: All good points. By the way, did you see I bought string cheese in bulk at Costco today?

Rebecca: OMG you just became a 9.

Eli: I'm starting to doubt your entire rating system.

~It Just Gets Stranger