Emily: What brings you in today?
Eli: I need to open a bank account for my new business.
Emily: Congratulations! What's it called?
Emily: Ok, I'll just need to ask a few questions. First, what is the purpose of the business?
Eli: What do you mean?
Emily: Well, what does the business do?
Eli: Oh. Well, it's a website and a podcast and a storytelling show and sometimes we mail Snuggies across the country and people sew patches onto them and one time we crashed TMZ's website.
Emily: Uh . . . that's . . . I don't see any dropdown options here that match that. I could select . . . mercantile/trade?
Eli: Yeah, that sounds good.
Emily: And how much profit to expect to see in the next year?
Eli: Can you put in negative numbers?
Eli: Well, we have a Patreon, which, I know, I didn't want to do a Patreon. But Meg was like "WHY AREN'T WE DOING A PATREON YOU IDIOT. START BRUSHING YOUR TEETH. AND I'M GETTING SICK AND TIRED OF YOU PASSING OUT ON MY FRONT LAWN DRUNK EVER TUESDAY AFTERNOO--"
Emily: I'm lost. Why do you think this business is going to lose money?
Eli: Oh, because I keep doing drawings and then mailing gifts to the Patrons and the gifts are substantially more expensive than the money coming in. Also, we give out an ocean of free wine and candy bars at every one of our shows. And last week I paid actual money to have a star named after me.
Emily: Are you sure you're ready for this?
Eli: I'll do you one better. I'm sure I'm not ready for this. But if I don't open a bank account Meg is going to report me for murder and that's the last thing I need.
Meg: I am so tired.
Please enjoy a very depressing episode of Strangerville.
This episode is a bummer. You’ve been warned. Meg discusses having to put her dog down. Eli shares the story of dealing with two parents who have covid. There’s a lot of crying. Don’t yell at us. We’re very fragile right now.
Covid Parents, by Eli McCann (music by My Bubba & Mi)
Production by Eli McCann & Meg Walter
~It Just Gets Stranger