My good friend and life coach Shea saw a new TMZ article asking readers to help identify a man in a blurry image with Britney Spears on Valentine's Day and suggested that we all let TMZ know that it might be me. Many of you have been leaving hysterical comments on the article. TMZ is going to know our Stranger community before too long as a force to be reckoned with.

Last week I posted some of my responses to the couchsurfer requests of late. I had a bad couchsurfing experience recently so we are taking a break from hosting travelers for a little while. Rather than simply reject couchsurfer requests, I have been getting creative with my responses. Below are a few new ones. Enjoy. As always, I welcome you to share this post and others with the world.

*Note: many of the request emails I get are very long and detailed. I have condensed or paraphrased several of the initial emails below for your convenience.


From: Tyler
To: Eli
Subject: Trip to Palau


Hi Eli, I'm coming to Palau next month and need a place to crash. I see you live in Palau. I'm assuming you live in Palau the country in the Pacific? If so, I need a host for 3 days.


From: Eli
To: Tyler
Subject: Trip to Palau


Great. Only thing is, I'm not sure if I'm allowed over-night visitors. I will check with the guard if you want me to.


From: Tyler
To: Eli
Subject: Trip to Palau


Your building doesn't allow guests?


From: Eli
To: Tyler
Subject: Trip to Palau


So I checked and they basically said no but they said that since I'm on good behavior lately, they'll increase my visitor hours so you can hang out for longer if you want. It's probably for the best. My cell-mate Big Gary has been really aggressive lately.


*****

From: Melinda
To: Eli
Subject: Can I stay on your couch?

Just wondering if you could host me in two weeks. I'll be quiet and clean. Don't need a bed. Just a couch.

From: Eli
To: Melinda
Subject: Can I stay on your couch?

Hi Melinda. You can stay in my apartment but I insist that you bring your own couch.

From: Melinda
To: Eli
Subject: Can I stay on your couch?

You want me to ship a couch from the U.S. to Palau so I can stay on it in your apartment?

From: Eli
To: Melinda
Subject: Can I stay on your couch?

Well surely you don't expect me to provide the apartment AND the couch! What do I look like? Ikea?

*****

From: Candice
To: Eli
Subject: Palau

Hi Eli. I was wondering if you could host me in two weeks. I plan on getting into Palau on March 6th really late. I hope to stay about 4 days. Would that work?

From: Eli
To: Candice
Subject: Palau

It's kind of a bad week because we have the exorcist coming on March 5th so I don't know what state the place will be in when you arrive. Last time everything was pretty torn up and there was puke basically everywhere. But if you don't mind helping us clean up, March 6th would be ok with us. You don't happen to be religious, do you?

*****

From: Dave
To: Eli
Subject: Couch in Palau

I'm hoping to make a quick trip to Palau to go diving for about 4 or 5 days and I need to find a couchsurfing host. I was surprised to find one for Palau on here. Do you think you could host me?

From: Eli
To: Dave
Subject: Couch in Palau

Maybe. How many of your cats do you plan on bringing with you? And do the cats you hope to bring get along with other cats they haven't met before?

From: Dave
To: Eli
Subject: Couch in Palau

Um, I don't plan on bringing any cats. I didn't say anything about that in my first message to you.

From: Eli
To: Dave
Subject: Couch in Palau

Yeah, I don't think this is going to work out.

*****

From: Katy
To: Eli
Subject: Stay in March

Hi Eli, I'm going to be visiting Palau in March for about a week and I was wondering if I could stay at your place. I think we would get along really well based on your profile and I would be super chill.

From: Eli
To: Katy
Subject: Stay in March

Great Katy. Thanks for the notice. My daughter is still living with me but on the condition that when I host couchsurfers I kick her out so there is enough room. When she doesn't know far enough in advance it is sometimes hard for her to find somewhere to go. More than once she has ended up sleeping outside. I'm sure she'll really appreciate the warning.

From: Katy
To: Eli
Subject: Stay in March

Goodness! I don't want to put her out. I don't mind close quarters. I would hate to uproot your daughter like that.

From: Eli
To: Katy
Subject: Stay in March

Don't even worry about it. She's almost 9 so she's old enough to take care of herself.

From: Katy
To: Eli
Subject: Stay in March

I made other plans. Thanks.

~It Just Gets Stranger