One of the most frustrating things about making a short trip to the U.S. is my lack of cell phone. I have my old U.S. phone with me, which I'm able to use for Interneting whenever I'm near what the kids call "the wifi." But I still can't call anyone. So I have been using the phone to contact people through Facebook chat extensively. This, in addition to being severely out of autocorrect and text predictor practice, since my Palau phone is a 2001 Nokia with T9 texting, has caused problems.

I'm very good at T9 texting again, by the way. You guys are all going to come running to me when your smart phones give out and the world has to resort back to T9 texting and I'm the only one who can remember how to do it.

Anyway, I give you a small sampling of my more embarrassing mistakes over the last week. Most of my autocorrect and text predictor problems happen with Daniel because I don't care to proof-read what I'm writing to him as much as I do with other people.

Daniel: How have flights been?

Eli: Flights have been so long and miserable. I haven't raped at all.

Daniel: ELI!

Eli: SLEPT. I haven't SLEPT!

Eli: OR raped. But I hope that's a given.

Eli: My suit doesn't fit anymore. I'm fat now. It's so cold here and my skunk and mouth are so dry.
Daniel: Skunk? I hate dry skunk.
Eli: SKIN!
Daniel: How much does the suit not fit?
Eli: Like, the pants are basically spandex now.
Daniel: Can you button them up?
Eli: Nope. It's good to be homosexual but I hate the reminder that I'm fat now.
Daniel: ???
Eli: AH!!!! I'm HOMOSEXUAL!!!
Daniel: Ok. . . . Do you want to talk about it?
Eli: I mean I'm homophobic!
Eli: AHHH!!!!! H O M E. It's good to be HOME!
Daniel: You sound very conflicted. But I'm glad you feel at home in your conflicting homosexual but homophobic state.
Eli: So you guys did lunch? Where did they touch you?
Jason: Um . . . nowhere. I mean, we shook hands, but . . .
Eli: Ah!!! Take you! Where did they take you!?
Eli: Gosh I love our sly friends.
Daniel: Me too. But I like our straightforward friends more.
Eli: SLC. Our SALT LAKE CITY friends.
And this last one was NOT an autocorrect problem. Although I really wish it was.
Daniel: Things are not right with me. How can you tell if a worm is taking over your intestines?
Eli: At family dinner now . . .
Daniel: Great! Ask them if they know.
Eli: Ugh. Just a sec.
Eli: My mom says get a flashlight and a mirror and look for it. Then pull it out and name it Stan, short for "intestan."
Daniel: GROSS! Cathie!!!
~It Just Gets Stranger