Skylar is making "ramen" for dinner tonight. I always put the thing he says he's making in quotes until I actually see the end the result.

My understanding of how one makes ramen involves placing a plastic non-microwave-safe bowl of water and hard noodles in the devil's box for three minutes, mixing a small pouch of MSG into it, and then burning your mouth off while trying to eat it. Also it's 1994.

His version involves boiling about 600 vegetables in a dutch oven and occasionally screaming "awe fiddlesticks darn!" when he realizes he's forgotten something.

I'm not kidding about the fiddlesticks darn business. It didn't occur to me until very recently that Skylar doesn't swear. I just somehow went several years without noticing this. It fully hit me a couple of weeks ago when I heard him yell from the other room "GOLLY DARN MOTHER MONKEYS!"

I was writing when he said it. I paused for a solid minute, suddenly trying to remember if I had ever heard Skylar swear. Suddenly I had flashbacks to him telling me after watching various movies, "I really liked it, if it wasn't for all the language."

I think I may be marrying my mother.

After the golly darn mother monkeys incident it suddenly occurred to me that I've probably been gravely offending him for several years by showcasing a moderately colorful grasp of the English language in front of him.

It's not that I wish he did swear more. It's just that I'm surprised by it. Skylar grew up in a liberal family in the Pacific Northwest. His mother named him by looking into the Sky and communing with the galactic energy. He didn't grow up in some religious community in a little house on the prairie. I guess because of all this, I just assumed that he had an even more colorful grasp of the English language than me, and I never noticed that that wasn't true.

(Editor's note: I just told him what I'm writing and he objected, politely shouting, "I do too swear! Sometimes I say 'd-a-m-n' when I'm feeling trashy!)

At least he won't be offended by our mostly swear-less Strangerville Live show on February 22. (How's that for a transition?)

We are ecstatic to announce this show's fabulous lineup, including:

Herder of cats, destroyer of dreams.

Former congressional candidate, cartwheel enthusiast, current inmate of the Utah State Penitentiary.

Utah's best cat herder, 12 years in a row; hasn't smiled since the Cold War.

Miss America, 1996.

Meg will be hosting. She promises to breastfeed onstage for an extra charge.

Please get your tickets HERE. Every time you buy a ticket, a puppy gets a bone.

~It Just Gets Stranger