Welcome back. Enjoy Part V tonight. Again, anything in [brackets] is tonight's commentary.

February 19, 1996 (age 11):

Today was President's day so we didn't have school so we could celebrate all of the presidents. Except my dad said that we don't celebrate the bad ones like Bil Klinton. [Bob has never been one to hide his feelings about politics]. I was going to play football today but it kept raining and I didn't want to get hurt because Jr. Jazz.

[Apparently I accidentally skipped the following two pages and later discovered this because I have drawn all over them. Specifically, there are several very crude drawings of ants with the words "The ants go marching onto the next page hirra, hirra." I also have written, "I didn't mean to!", "I'm sorry!", "forgive me", and right on the edge of the right page, "you're getting warmer!" And for those who were wondering, "dog" is written at the top of both of these pages as well].

February 20, 1996 (age 11):

Me and Sam made up a poem. [Note that Christmas is now two months in the past]:

Twas the day before tomorrow and all through the class
everyone was screaming and having a blast.
For Mrs. Southwick in her desk and I in my seat were eagerly waiting for lunch to eat.
When all of the sudden there arose such a clatter, the janiter fell from his little read [red] latter [ladder].
Then all of the sudden the bell started to ring and all of the children started to sing.
We ran to the lunchroom and ate very fast then we remembered the janiter might have needed a cast.
We ran outside and there he lay so we got in a car and drove away.
The princible ran outside and yelled hey.
He asked the janiter are you ok.
The njaniter looked up and replied nay.
We drove 5 miles and then we stoped for we ran out of gas and the tires had pooped [I'm pretty sure I meant "popped" here].
We filled up on gas and field all the tires and all that we used were little red pliers.
We hid in the bushes and ran to my house
We ran around in circles and we found a mouse.
He said you might as well fase it.
We looked up and said ya lets brace it. [???]
We drove back to the school and the princible said detention to all because the janiter's dead.

[No idea why we wrote that, or why I copied it into my journal. I have absolutely no memory of this.]

February 21, 1996 (age 11):

Today there was an assembly about pride in drugs. [Huh? Like, being proud about drugs?]. We all promised that we would never do drugs. We had to raise our hand and say that we will never do drugs like smoking. ["Smoking" apparently was the only "drug" I could think of at the time]. I don't think they are going to check on us later though, like when we are really old, like when we are 25 or something. [Is that really old?]. I think they just want us to promise and then they hope that we will remember. Because it would probably be too hard to make sure that we actually didn't do any drugs. But maybe if I see someone smoking later who I know promised not to, I could tell them that they broke the promise. [I'm still waiting for this opportunity. Eagerly].

April 18, 1996 (age 11):

Me and Sam wrote part of the spoof on Romeo and Juliet. Mrs. Southwick asked us to do it so the whole class can perform it. It is so funny. It will probably be a big hit! I think that if the actors do a good enough job that they will probably ask us to do it again another time and maybe it will become famous! [This, ironically, is exactly the plot of my very favorite movie that I didn't discover until 5 years ago, Waiting for Guffman]. If this turns out really good, maybe I will be an actor and a writer when I grow up instead of a lawyer! [Note: I am a lawyer]. We will probably finish writing it pretty soon. [Unfortunately I have a video copy of this thing, which our sixth grade class actually did perform. I was Romeo (note another Waiting for Guffman similarity). I remember thinking this was the most hysterical play of all time. A few years ago I found the video and watched it. Not only were the jokes horrifically unfunny, but they were also mostly wildly offensive. But this was 1996 when it was still ok to not be PC. In any event, watching the video again caused me to lose 35 points on the self-esteem chart (which only goes up to 150)].

April 28, 1996 (age 11):

Today was Sam's birthday. That just reminds me that my birthday is coming up which makes me really sad. I guess you could say I'm having a pretty hard day. It's hard to have a birthday and know that my parents will never let me have a dog. [This is a guilt entry (see yesterday's post) in hopes again that my parents would read my journal and feel badly enough to get a dog. I did not, however, actually feel at all the way I described in this entry]. Sometimes I just sit and wonder what will happen in my life. Maybe one day things will work out. One day.

May 19, 1996 (age 12):

Yesterday was my birthday and we got a DOG!!!! [Wait. Did the guilt thing work?]. Halaluya! Halaluya! I want to name it Twister! [We did not name her Twister]. My great grandpa Hinkle came over. He kept telling everyone how old he was. He's getting weird. [That would be the Alzheimer's. And it would only get weirder . . .].

~It Just Gets Stranger