A very terrible thing happened to me. I owned one of those what the kids are calling "the ipods" and it is now missing. I left it at the massage place on Saturday because I was in a really big hurry to get out of there like I always am because NUDITY. Well in my hurry, I left the ipod under the massage table.

I called them on Monday to see if they had it.

Filipino Woman: Ok sir. I check it is under the table.

Eli: Oh! So you do have it!

Filipino Woman: Excuse me, sir Eli?

Note: they always call us "sir Eli" and "sir Daniel." We like this because it makes us feel like knights.

Eli: You have my ipod?

Filipino Woman: Ok sir Eli. I check it is under the table.

Eli: Great. Can I come pick it up?

Filipino Woman: Ok sir Eli. I call you back.


I wasn't frustrated because this was actually the most clear communication I've ever engaged in with anyone at that place. So I was sort of on cloud nine.


Daniel's office is right next to this place so I asked him to run in there and talk to them for me. He messaged me later in the day.

Daniel: They say they so sorry, but they no have.

Eli: Crap.

Daniel: Are you sure you even brought it.

Eli: Yes! I remember it very clearly.

Daniel: "Clearly?" Like last week when you remembered "clearly" taking the keys with you when you and Krishelle left the apartment and then you tried to hide from me the fact that we were all locked out for half the day by sending me on pointless errands?

Eli: No. A different kind of clearly.

Daniel: Well she said they called the woman who went after you and she didn't see your ipod.

Eli: Well, I'm at a loss. I don't know where else to look.

Daniel: Have you checked your arm pits?

Eli: Yes. It's not there.

Daniel: Well now I'm at a loss too.

Eli: This sucks. I don't care that much about the ipod. It was old and hardly working. But I really don't want to not have one for the next 5 weeks.

Daniel: #1stworldproblems

Eli: Stop. You don't know what hashtags are.

Daniel: Oh, was that a hashtag?

Eli: How do I get music when I get back to the U.S.? Do I have to start all over with nothing now?

Daniel: No. You buy an ipod and give it to Krishelle to put music on it for you. Like you did last time. It will literally take 15 minutes of effort on your part.

Eli: But what if she doesn't have all of the music I want?

Daniel: She does. She has everything you want, including Miley Cyrus and the Spice Girls.

Eli: Do you think it's time for me to start my own music collection? I'm almost 40.

Daniel: YES.

Eli: So what do I do then?

Daniel: First thing you will need to do is download iTunes.

Eli: I did that one time. So am I all set? Do I already have all of the music I want?

Daniel: Yes. iTunes automatically knows what you want and there's this cloud that brings your music to you.

Eli: Are you messing with me? You know I can't tell through instant messaging.

~It Just Gets Stranger