Eli: Excuse me. What are you doing?
Daniel: I'm going through your closet.
Eli: And why would you be doing something like that?
Daniel: Because I want my clothes back.
Eli: What on Earth makes you think that I would have your clothes in my closet?
Daniel: Because I've seen pictures of you on Facebook in the last six months and you are wearing something of mine in probably half of them.
Eli: Absurd! I only wear my own clothes!
Daniel: Well then you shouldn't be concerned about me looking around.
Eli: Concerned?! 'COURSE NOT! Look all you want. See if I care. Look everywhere--WAIT NOT IN THERE!
[Eli throws himself in front of the door Daniel has just approached]
Daniel: You don't want me to open this closet? Why not?!
Eli: Because there's a surprise birthday present in there for you, ok?!
Daniel: No. You aren't thoughtful or responsible enough to have a birthday present for someone three months in advance. Try again.
Eli: Um . . . This closet is condemned. Because of evil spirits. And science. Wait. Just because of science. Not because of evil spirits.
Daniel: "Science" is not more believable than evil spirits.
Eli: Oh. Good. Because I meant fumigation. That closet is being fumigated.
Daniel: Oh really? Please explain to me the process of fumigation and what you are fumigating for.
Eli: . . . can I go back to "science?"
[Daniel pushes Eli out of the way and opens the closet door]
Daniel: A-HA! My shirt! Two of my shirts! THREE of my shirts!
Eli: I can explain! I was young! I needed the money!
Daniel: Eli! There are more than TEN shirts in here that belong to me!
Eli: Well anything sounds bad when you say it like that, Daniel. See. Listen to how that tone ruins this phrase: "Eli, your hair looks SO good today--" no actually that still sounds nice--
Daniel: Why do you have pants in here that belong to me?! You can't even wear my pants! I'M OVER HALF A FOOT TALLER THAN YOU!
Eli: Well I like to tie blocks to my feet and walk around the streets like one of those people on the Vegas strip who--
Daniel: YOU'VE NEVER DONE THAT!
Eli: WELL IT DOESN'T MEAN I DON'T HAVE PLANS TO, DANIEL. I HAVE DREAMS, TOO!
Daniel: Oh, you have got to be kidding me. You have GOT to be kidding me.
Eli: What?
Daniel: Why do you have several pairs of my underwear in this closet?
Eli: Ok. You can have the pants back, but please don't take those. I'm all out of clean underwear and these backup pairs really help in a bind when I'm between manipulable friends who do my laundry for me.
Daniel: YOU ACTUALLY WEAR THESE!? I JUST ASSUMED YOU DIDN'T KNOW THEY WERE IN HERE!
Eli: Oh. I meant, that. Yes. That's what I meant. WHAT?! I DIDN'T KNOW YOUR UNDERWEAR WAS IN HERE!!!
Daniel: This is unbelievable.
Eli: Ok. But to be fair, this is because you were irresponsible and left a lot of your things in Palau. What was I supposed to do? Just leave it there?
Daniel: Oh really?
Eli: Yes, really.
Daniel: Then why are you wearing a shirt right now that I brought here on this trip and had packed in my bag until you dug it out this morning.
Eli: . . . you knew what I was when you picked me up.
~It Just Gets Stranger
Daniel Searches for His Clothes
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