Matt: Here Ollie! You want some!?

Eli: Stop right there, sir. I've been meaning to talk to you about this.

Matt: Talk to me about what?

Eli: About your habit of giving Mr. Pants whatever food you happen to be eating.

Matt: And what's wrong with that?!

Eli: You are teaching him terrible habits and now he has come to expect it so I can never just eat in peace when he's here at my house because he's constantly barking at me.

Matt: What are you proposing here?


Eli: I'm demanding that you stop feeding him food from the table.

Matt: BUT HE'S HUNGRY!!!

Eli: Then he should go eat food from his bowl that now sits mostly untouched throughout the day because of all the crap you've been feeding him from the table.

Matt: Look at this face! (Matt holds Ollie up) How can I be expected to say "no" to this face?

Eli: Well since you aren't able to say "no" to that face, you are creating a very naughty dog.

Matt: GASP! (Matt covers Ollie's ears) HOW DARE YOU!?

Eli: I'm not kidding, Matt! Ollie is developing some bad habits and if we're not careful he's going to become one of the naughty dogs at the dog park.

Matt: OLLIE COULD NEVER DO ANYTHING WRONG NO MATTER WHAT EVER!

Eli: Well when he's working at strip club and sniffing glue we'll all know where to point the finger.

Matt: Like I'm the only one who teaches him bad habits. Thanks to you Ollie now has to sleep in my bed with me or he barks all night.

Eli: Don't you dare pin that one on me.

Matt: But it is because of you. You let him sleep on your bed, under the covers, and now he expects that of me too AND I HATE CUDDLING.

Eli: Well that's too bad for you because when Ollie and I cuddle it is pure ecstasy.

Matt: Not that you know what that is?

Eli: Exactly.

Matt: I wish I knew who was responsible for teaching him to be destructive with my furniture when I'm not home.

Eli: I'm blaming Rebecca for that one. That house of hers has no rules.

It takes a village to destroy a child.

~It Just Gets Stranger