What I'm about to tell you may end our cyber friendship. I'm aware of the risks. But I feel like it's my civic duty to let you know about the incredibly disgusting thing I caused to happen this weekend. Because I'm incredibly disgusting. And practically banned from the entire state of Idaho.

I was invited to an overnight outing at a place called Lava Hot Springs. I said yes without realizing that I was going to have to cross state borders to get there. I had heard people talk about this town before but I never realized it was in Idaho, which might as well be NORTHERN ALASKA because I felt like we drove far enough to nearly reach the northernmost tip of the Earth. (Hi Lee! I have no idea where you actually are. I just always imagine that everyone who lives in Canada can walk to the North Pole.)

We arrived. It was a wonderful time. We floated in the Hot Springs. We wandered the town. We stayed at the creepiest bed and breakfast this side of the Mississippi. I think it may have been a Bate's Motel situation because I kept hearing Ms. Thang who ran the place talking to some man out in the hallway but when I would walk out there she was always alone.

Then a small group of us wandered to a very back-townsy dance club with a surprisingly good band. And we danced the hell out of that place until the hole in the dance floor was so deep I saw Beijing.

I had been wearing flip-flops, and obviously I wasn't going to dance while wearing those. My version of dancing is far too violent to be done while wearing flip-flops. So I danced barefoot. And I danced hard.

The following morning I was informed that a massage had been scheduled for me and that massage was to begin at that exact moment.

You guys. I had not showered. I had not cleaned myself up from the night before. But I was ushered into a small room and instructed to disrobe and get on the table.

It was about twenty minutes into the massage when it occurred to me that the bottoms of my feet might have been not quite up to Cathie's standards of presentability.

The massage ended. I left the room and immediately surveyed the area.

You guys. Tami got down and dirty at that club last night. And I can never go back to Idaho.

Also, someone please get that massage therapist a Nobel Peace Prize and lobotomy.

~It Just Gets Stranger